


Should I Stay Or Let Go

by Bi_Bat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Protective Hinata Shouyou, Protective Karasuno Volleyball Club, Slow Burn, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26089696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bi_Bat/pseuds/Bi_Bat
Summary: Kageyama Tobio is used to running, is familiar with the notion of chasing something, of chasing someone. He isn’t used to being chased, he isn’t familiar with another person choosing him.After years of chasing the same people, who continued to leave him behind. He wants to let go, but just as he starts to do so, they seem to force their way back. They’re determined to not be left behind by the one they threw away, and is it really so bad to still want them?He wanted to stand up for himself, he didn’t want to forget any of the things that had carved him into who he was now, he needed them if he wanted to recreate himself in his own image.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Kageyama Tobio & Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio & Miya Atsumu, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 142
Kudos: 745





	1. Aloe

**Author's Note:**

> I just have a lot of feelings about Kageyama Tobio, and he deserves all the platonic love and friendships. Enjoy!

There are many things Kageyama Tobio doesn’t know or isn’t used to. He is used to running, is familiar with the feeling of the wind and rain on his body as it harshly caresses him when he runs through the empty streets early in the morning or late at night. He is used to running when he needs to shut down his brain.

He is used to it, used to having to work hard so he can keep chasing his goal, so he can keep chasing something, chasing _someone._

Yet, he isn’t used to being chased, isn’t familiar with the raw emotions that comes with experiencing another person choosing him. Knowing that there is someone who chose to chase him, who chose him as their goal, the same way he had chased and chosen others.

He doesn’t understand the sensation in his chest, how it feels equally warm and cold. Can’t quite comprehend the warmth, the scorching fire, that keeps burning inside of him, as he witnesses a person fight with him, side by side against the enemy, sees someone viciously fight for him even if he doesn’t need it.

He can’t quite grasp the cold that spreads through his veins, that feels like it turns his very blood to ice, when he thinks that this is what it must feel like to matter to someone.

This is what he has been longing for, for so long. That after so many years, after so many people have already left him behind, someone finally, _finally,_ looked at him and saw him.

Suddenly, there’s a person who understands the feeling of chasing but not being chosen, who understands the raw longing of wanting a place to belong to, of wanting to find someone who will look at him as a rival, an equal, a motivator, _a friend._

Kageyama had gotten used to being alone, he had finally gotten used to being left behind, yet the familiar feeling, the everyday life he had gotten so used to living, had unexpectedly and abruptly been taken away from him.

In what seemed like the a second, the grey clouds shifted, and the sun shone like it had actually missed him. In what seemed like a second, Hinata Shouyou had turned his life upside down and found a home in his heart. Hinata, who found him, who saw him, who chased him, _who chose him._

Who looked at a boy, who had tried to put himself back together after having been broken into pieces by countless people.

Hinata, who looked at the pieces that had been crudely and unevenly glued back together, and gently took them apart again, took him apart again. Laying the jagged pieces out for him to see, before he softly put them together, gluing the pieces together with melted gold and repairing every hole in his heart with pieces of his own.

Hinata, who took the hand Kageyama had held out and didn’t let go.

Hinata, who, even now, right after they had lost to Aoba Johsai, had held Kageyama’s hand on the bus back to the Karasuno, who hadn’t objected to Kageyama pulling him in the opposite direction of his own home.

Hinata, who had become so used to being at the Kageyama house, that he knew not to announce his arrival because he knew that no one would be there to welcome them. Hinata, who was currently using the shower, while Kageyama laid on his bed, wondering just how it had come to this.

“Oi, Bakayama, what are you thinking about?”

Kageyama turned his head towards his door, watching as Hinata made his way through the room, crawling on the bed, laying so close to Kageyama that he could feel the shallow breaths on his face.

“I’m wondering how it came to this,” Kageyama softly answered after a second spent on examining the unusually serious look that Hinata gave him. He wasn’t used to this, wasn’t used to being so exposed, to feeling so trusting towards another person, but when it came to Hinata, he felt like he couldn’t help it.

Because every emotion he showed, every time he showed how much he trusted Hinata, it was returned. No matter what, Hinata matched him, kept matching him no matter what Kageyama threw at him. Every insult, every comment, every compliment, when if he wasn’t good at giving them, Hinata returned everything tenfold.

“Do you mean how we lost the match?” started Hinata, looking at Kageyama almost thoughtfully. “Because I don’t think there was one definitive thing that caused it, but I gu-“

“No, not that.”

“Then, what do you mean?” Hinata questioned, sitting up and looking down at Kageyama where he still laid across the bed with his arm thrown over his eyes, shielding Hinata from looking into them.

“I-, just. I’m just wondering what I would have been if I hadn’t met you, where I would have been” He offers, removing the arm though he refused to look at Hinata. “How different would I be? If I would still be the tyrant king or.”

Hinata looks curiously at Kageyama, waiting patiently for him to finish the sentence, but he can’t bring himself to it, he can already feel the anger coming up, acting as a defence for when he feels particularly vulnerable, even if he knows that what is said in this room will never be used against him.

“I think that no matter where you would have ended, you would have wowed them with your skills! Like Bam and woosh and boom,” comments Hinata excitedly while imitating setting and spiking a ball, before settling down and continuing.

“But, even though I really didn’t like you in the beginning, I can’t imagine not being by your side. I don’t think I would have been satisfied, if I had only been your rival instead of also being your partner. You bring out something in me, from the first time we met, you saw something in me and decided that I was worth noticing. Maybe it’s selfish, but I refuse to think about what you would be if you had chosen something else. There are no what ifs in my mind. You’re here with Karasuno, with your team, with me.”

Kageyama had moved during the answer, had sat up directly across from Hinata and decided to finally look him in the eyes. He sees the raw honesty, the untamed yet barely concealed anger and want in his brown eyes as he expresses his selfish needs.

_Oh, so this is what it feels like to be wanted._

“I’m bad at expressing emotions,” Kageyama yelps, effectively confusing both himself and Hinata with his sudden claim, yet quickly continuing before Hinata can inject “The only emotion I ever truly show is anger, and I constantly use it to hide behind because it’s easier than having to explain myself. I always look like I’m mad and I don’t really understand people, I’m awkward in social situations and I’m extremely bad at social ques, because I just don’t get it. And people don’t like me, because I keep being an asshole” He hurryingly finishes, noticing that although Hinata hadn’t interrupted, his head was now tilted sideways, still looking as confused as when Kageyama started.

Hinata slowly nods his head, while Kageyama takes a deep breath, letting the silence dominate the room.

“So what? What about it?” He looks bemused at the setter, who still seems tense after his confession. “I get you, the team gets you, and honestly you’re getting better at the whole anger management thing, I mean you still yell at me and all that, but it’s not like you do it to be mean, we know that. And so, what if you’re awkward with people, if you want to be better, we’ll help and if you don’t, well then, you’ll still have us.”

Hinata continues, taking Kageyama’s hand and begins playing with his fingers. “Also, you don’t need to worry about being an asshole, I mean, Tsukishima is an asshole, like an actual asshole. You just don’t really know better, no offense!” Yelling the last part, Hinata lets go of Kageyama’s hand and looks frightened at the thought of him taking his words the wrong way.

He tries to understand it, tries to truly comprehend the words Hinata has said. Looking from his hands to Hinata’s face, he feels something tighten in his chest at the middle blocker’s concerned face.

The pressure slowly lifts from his shoulders, the breath he feels he has been holding since finding friends at Karasuno finally comes out. As Hinata takes his hand in his again, his chest starts to feel light once more. He grasps Hinata’s hand tighter, holds on to it as though it’s a lifeline.

 _Perhaps it is._ He thinks as he detects nothing but happiness in Hinata’s smile. He finds himself trying to match it, even though he knows his smile is scary, he needs a way to show the warmth that Hinata is providing him with.

A tiny curl of the corners of his mouth and a small wobbly line forms a minor smile. Not a big one, no teeth, no trying too hard to imitate another person’s action.

 _Another older setter’s actions._ His mind supplies. Yet the thought is thrown away the second he focuses on Hinata’s bewildered face as he takes notice of the tiny smile Kageyama is showing him.

Kageyama is thoroughly unprepared for the way Hinata throws himself at him, not quite ready for the collision that ends with Kageyama laying on his back on bed, with Hinata laying on top of him with his arms tightly secured around Kageyama’s waist and his face pushed solid against Kageyama’s throat.

He doesn’t hate it, he can’t hate it, not when it’s what he has wanted for so long. Gently and with trembling arms, he slowly reaches up and tightens them around Hinata’s shoulders, nestling his head against Hinata’s hair and feels lighter than he has in years.

“I think that I would like your help with the social thing, I don’t want people to think I’m scary” Kageyama whispers into Hinata’s hair, when their breaths have evened out and the sun has long since set.

He feels uneven breaths against his collarbone and a small chuckle before Hinata lifts his head and smiles at him.

“You’re not really that scary, it’s more like you’re a giant grumpy puppy, but I’ll always help you and so will the rest of the team!”

Kageyama slowly blinks before groaning at the comparison of himself and a grumpy puppy. Which does nothing to discourage Hinata, instead it does the opposite and only makes him laugh harder at the exasperated look Kageyama gives him.

The setter suddenly smirks, only giving Hinata a second to ponder about what’s going on, before he throws him off the bed. Effectively shutting Hinata up as he gets a mouthful of the floorboards.

“What the hell, Bakayama!” Shrieks Hinata as he drags himself back on the bed, returning the smug look Kageyama gives him with a glare.

“That’s what you get,” He shrugs and starts to crawl under the covers, watching Hinata do the same while whining about ‘his mean best friend’ “Shut up and go to sleep, dumbass”

The silence gives Kageyama a chance to realise just how tired he is, how much pressure he felt today and how he is finally able to relax. He can feel his eyes dropping and just knows that it won’t be more than a few seconds before he is asleep.

At least that would have been the case if he hadn’t heard the quiet and soft voice that asked a question that woke him right up.

“Will you ever tell me what happened during middle school?”

Kageyama swore he could feel his throat tighten and his breathing stop. He slowly peeled his eyes open, looking right into bright and determined brown orbs.

Before he even got a chance to open his mouth, Hinata spoke again.

“I mean, I know about the king thing and them abandoning you. But, there’s more than that isn’t there? There’s more that just Shallot-head and the other boy abandoning you, right? I’ve seen the pictures that hang in the entrance hall, you used to smile-”

Kageyama quickly interrupted the speech, “Kindaichi and Kunimi.”

“Eh?”

Kageyama took a deep breath and felt the constriction in his throat loosen, “Their names are Kindaichi and Kunimi, and I thought that they were my first friends, but apparently not.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips at the way Kageyama spoke, but he didn’t dare interrupt.

“It didn’t really start with them, it, uhm, I, I think it started with Oikawa-san,” he mumbled, “I always looked up to him, he was, no, he is an incredible setter. He was the first setter I ever really looked up to. He just keeps going, keeps practicing and training, keeps getting better and better. He has an unbelievable serve and his tosses don’t miss, but-”

Kageyama stopped himself, hesitating in continuing, but he felt no judgement from his companion, he felt safe and secure, for the first time he felt like he could talk about the events that transpired in middle school, the actions of himself and all those around him, that turned him into the dictator he had once been.

“What I admire the most about him is his drive, it’s his passion for volleyball, how he can connect with everyone, the way he motivates all those around him to always bring 100%. Oikawa-san isn’t just an incredible setter, he’s an unmatchable player. He’s never been one to allow a loss to be a loss, instead letting it be his next motivator to be better. Letting it guide him to the next match, letting what he has learned in one match be a permanent lesson for the rest of the matches. I had never met someone who loved volleyball the way I did, and suddenly he was there. I thought, I thought that I had finally found someone who could understand me, yet-“

“But he didn’t understand you, did he? He didn’t even try, he just saw someone who could be a threat and, in his mind, he turned you into something you aren’t, he turned you into a cruel monster.” Hinata growled, tightening his hands into fists.

Kageyama felt his breath hitch, he tightened the grip he had on the covers and slowly exhaled, making sure Hinata was quiet before he continued with his story.

“I kept asking him to teach, kept wanting to be paired with him. He never cared, he kept declining, kept saying no even though he would say yes to others. He would teach them but never me, he never gave me a chance. He never chose me. I stopped asking after he tried to hit me.”

“Wait, hold up,” exclaimed Hinata, looking outraged “He tried to hit you because you asked him to teach you?”

“Yeah, Iwaizumi-san stopped him before he could, and explained that Oikawa-san was under a lot of pressure and that I should give him space” Kageyama explained, he didn’t really get what the big deal was, Oikawa-san had quickly and quietly apologized the next day.

“You don’t see the problem here?”

“No?” Kageyama asked confused, why was he confused, he was the one who had lived through it.

“Right, Right,” Hinata said quietly “He tried to hit you!” He emphasised the last part, hoping it might get through to Kageyama.

“Yes, like I said, but he didn’t, and he was under a lot of stress, and he apologized the next day. So, I don’t get the big deal,” Explained Kageyama.

“Okay, fine, but this conversation isn’t over!” Hinata whisper-yelled, squinting at Kageyama, whose only reaction was to roll his eyes at his best friend’s antics.

“Yeah, no shit, even I could understand that implication,” He answered back, refusing to give Hinata the last word, as well as refusing to lose the staring contest he suddenly found himself in.

Hinata’s gaze softened but didn’t move as he opened his mouth to speak once more, “Was this when it started?”

Kageyama didn’t even need to ask Hinata to clarify what he meant, he knew, he knew exactly what he meant by those words. “Yeah, I sometimes refer to it as the beginning of the end. It’s pretty dumb, but it just makes sense to me” He answered, “Can we stop talking about this right now?”

“Sure, but as your partner and best friend, I demand to be told more later,” Hinata huffed, snuggling further under the covers, making the delivery of the demand less effective.

“I got it,” Kageyama rolled his eyes at the demand, but he knew that he would oblige.

“Hey!”

“What now?” commanded Kageyama, slowly becoming irritated. Today had been rough both physically and mentally, and he just wanted to sleep before he would be attacked with more questions tomorrow.

“Since we’re best friends, don’t try to deny it,” said Hinata and accusingly pointed a finger at Kageyama, “So, since we’re best friends, can I call you Tobio? You can also call me Shouyou!”

 _Oh,_ He thought, blinking as he took in Hinata’s request.

“Sure,” He snorted, “Goodnight Shouyou”

It felt nice saying his name, it almost made him feel giddy inside, it had been so long since he had last called someone by their given name. He wondered if Shouyou felt the same way, if he felt the same warmth inside.

Judging by the smile on his face, Kageyama could only conclude, that yes, Shouyou felt just as giddy as him.

“Goodnight Tobio.”

Kageyama turned around, laying on his side and being on the brink of sleep.

“One last thing,” Hinata murmured in the dark.

Kageyama’s eyes snapped open once more and rolled them even though he knew Shouyou couldn’t see it.

“I swear to god, I will kill you if you do this one more time” he groaned, hoping that this thing would be over quickly.

“Yeah right” Hinata snickered, taking a slow inhale before asking the question he had been waiting to ask since he had heard how Kageyama and Oikawa’s relationship was, “Did you ever stop?”

Kageyama furrowed his brows, not understanding the question and asking “What?”

“Did you ever stop chasing The Grand King?”

Kageyama turned around again, seeking and finding Hinata’s eyes in the darkness of his bedroom before he felt enough brave enough to answer.

“No, but, I-,” He gulped, throat feeling too dry to continue, yet he couldn’t let that stop him, not now, “No, I haven’t, not yet. But I think, I think it’s time for me to stop, I want so badly to stop chasing him”

“I’ll make sure of it, we’ll handle this together,” said Hinata confidently “We’re a team, we got this”

Giving Kageyama one last smile, he turned around, finally deciding that sleep would be the best thing. Leaving Kageyama to his own thoughts.

Kageyama stared at Hinata’s back before scoffing and turning around as well, he was glad Shouyou couldn’t see his face as he was sure that he was blushing.

It felt different having friends, it felt like a hole inside him was slowly being filled up after having been left empty for too long.

Closing his eyes, he couldn’t help but think that failing the Shiratorizawa entrance exam, was the best thing to ever have happened to him. 


	2. Balm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys seem to enjoy it!! I hope you'll like this chapter too, it's starting to get a bit more into the plot and more into Tobio's trauma and life.

”So.”

“So?”

“Tobiooooooo,” whined Shouyou, leaning forward in his chair with his arms reaching out to Tobio, who was sitting across from him “come on, you know what I want to talk about”

Tobio watched as Shouyou continued to whine as he kept quiet. They were sitting across from each other, having just finished breakfast but not moving from the table, both knowing that the topic from the night before would be brought up again.

“Yeah, I know, I just don’t know what more you want to know, or what more I can say” huffed Tobio, playing with the spoon that was floating around in his coffee.

“How about I just, like, state some things and you can tell me if I’m right or wrong? Or you can elaborate on some of the thoughts” Shouyou offered his friend, reaching out towards him once more, this time taking Tobio’s hands in his, offering a reassuring presence to contrast the untamed chaos that had become a fixed part of Tobio’s mind.

“Okay, I can do that” Tobio responded, gripping Shouyou’s hands and waiting for the first of, probably, many questions.

“Right, sorry if they get invasive or too personal”

Tobio raised an eyebrow “Isn’t that what we’re going? I didn’t really consider that this would be fun”

“I mean I guess it was mostly implied that it would suck, but I just wanted to say it,” Shouyou said, rolling his eyes at Tobio’s disregard at his own emotional comfort “just, just know that you can say no or stop anytime, I would never hold it against you if you decided that you don’t feel comfortable talking about it,” Shouyou continued, softer than before yet still firm in his words.

Hoping that Tobio would believe the truth as he told it, he would never hold it against him, would never think of truly pressure him into anything he stated he wasn’t ready for.

Tobio regarded him for a second and nodded, satisfied with what he saw in Shouyou’s eyes and heard in his tone. Seemingly ready for the actual conversation to start.

“Okay, your parents are never home, because both of them work in the Hyōgo Prefecture,” Shouyou stated the first thing he could think of, that he had learnt the first time Tobio invited him, after he had asked him when his parents would be coming home.

“Yes”

“Do they abuse you in any way or form?”

“NO,” Tobio sounded outraged at the theory that Shouyou had presented “They would never, they call and text every day, they send more money than I can spend and they visit whenever they can get the time off of work, or I visit them. They would lay a hand on me; they love me, and I love them,” He hurryingly explained it to Shouyou.

He couldn’t stand the thought that his friend believed his parents abused him.

“I got it, I understand, I just wondered because you never really told me, you just said that they lived somewhere else,” Shouyou was quick to try and reassure Tobio that he believed him and quick to elaborate why he had thought what he did “I just don’t get why you don’t live with them then? Not that I want you to move, I’m just curious”

Tobio bit the inside of his cheek, apparently considering his answer before responding “I used to live here with my grandfather, my parents always wanted my sister and I to have a quiet upbringing, and they thought it might be better if they left us with our grandfather since they work so much. I loved living here with my grandfather and sister, but Miwa left for Tokyo when I was 10 and I haven’t really seen her that much since.”

“And your grandfather?” Shouyou asked softly, he could already tell what the answer would be, but he still felt a need to ask.

“He passed away in my last of middle school, it was a hard time for me,” Tobio gulped, still not used to actually thinking or talking about his grandfather or the downward spiral it sent him into “I just lost it, I already felt like I didn’t have a place in Kitagawa Daiichi, and this just drove me further away from everyone else. And then the match happened.”

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t, I don’t want your pity” Tobio answered irately, glaring at Shouyou, who didn’t react.

“It’s not pity, it’s sympathy, you didn’t deserve any of this.”

“I was a tyrant, I was awful to them,” Tobio argued back, clearly in disbelief at how Shouyou believed he didn’t deserve what he had gotten.

“Look, you were an asshole, a pretty big one actually, but! Don’t interrupt me,” Shouyou pointed a finger at Tobio, who had his mouth open and was ready to argue with whatever Shouyou was about to say “But, you were obviously going through something traumatic without anyone knowing, and I’m not making excuses for you, but it’s clear that you understand that how you behaved was wrong. They weren’t just assholes to you, they were actual bullies. The name calling, the abandoning you, not caring for you, saying you were never friends and even deliberately antagonizing you now that you don’t go to the same school”

“But, I-“

“No, you’ve tried to apologize multiple times, you’ve done all that you could do, if they want more then they have to act. They refuse to accept how much you’ve changed, because they want to hate you, they want to have an excuse for hating you. If they didn’t have an excuse, they would have to admit they were in the wrong, that they are bullies, that they fucked up.”

“Shouyou I-“

“They don’t want to do that, because then they’re the bad guys. If they convince themselves that you’re still the tyrant king, even though you’re not, then they don’t have to feel bad”

 _Oh, Oh, I see. I think I get it._ Tobio thought, gripping Shouyou’s hands and trying not to let the tears be too obvious, hoping that if he just looked down then Shouyou wouldn’t notice them.

“Are you crying, Yamayama-kun?”

Tobio shook his head, but it did nothing to deter Shouyou. Instead he removed his hands from Tobio’s grip and lifted himself off the chair, walking around the table until he stood next to Tobio’s chair. He slowly lifted his hand, intending to just run his fingers through Tobio’s hair to calm him down.

Tobio had other plans, he spun around in his chair, wrapping his arms around Shouyou’s middle and burying his face in his stomach, letting his tears wet Shouyou’s shirt.

Shouyou quickly reacted and wrapped his arms around the setter’s head, holding him closer against him. He gently started letting his fingers run through Tobio’s soft locks.

“No one’s ever-, I’ve never,” Tobio started, startling himself at the rough sound of the words, it felt like he was pulling them out a tong.

“It’s okay, shhhh Tobio, I’m here. I will always be here,” Shouyou whispered, bending down to kiss Tobio’s head, desperately hoping that it would calm him more. He had never seen the setter in a state like this and it unnerved him deeply.

He could understand why Tobio would react this way, he had never had anybody reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. He actually believed, that he was the only one to blame for everything.

It was in that moment that Shouyou made a promise to himself, that one day he would spike a volleyball in their faces, and they would never be allowed to mess with Tobio without consequences again.

As he listened to the soft cries that were slowly quieting down and absent-mindedly continued to run his fingers through Tobio’s hair, he became sure of another thing. He would tear down all of Aoba Johsai, if it meant that Tobio would feel better. He would personally, with the help of Tanaka and Noya-senpai, maybe even Suga-senpai, beat up anyone that made Tobio sad during middle school.

Though, he doubted that Tobio would like it, he was, frankly, a little too naïve and kind towards the wrong people sometimes. There were times when Shouyou wondered if Tobio actually held himself in any kind of high regard, as he mostly seemed to shut down his own feelings when it came to other people.

That didn’t matter now, they would all ensure that Tobio would fine now. He had his team, and they would never leave Tobio behind. 

“Thank you,” Tobio sniffled, removing himself from where he basically attached himself to Shouyou.

“You’re welcome, I’m here to listen, well, I’m also here to tell you when you’re wrong and being dumb and you’re wrong about this, you’re not the bad guy,” Shouyou smiled as he responded “Come one, let’s go to the couch”

Shouyou pulled Tobio up by the arm and started leading them towards the couch in the living room. Pushing Tobio down on the couch, Shouyou quickly sat down next to him and rearranged his body, so his head was tucked securely underneath Tobios and he was mostly leaning against him and not the couch, letting his deep breath resonate against Tobio’s throat.

Tobio wrapped one of his arms around Shouyou, pulling him in closer. Taking great comfort in the close proximity of his best friend.

He hadn’t lied to Shouyou, his parents didn’t abuse him, but he sometimes did feel a bit neglected even if they talked every day. He missed being able to hug someone when he came home from school. He missed being able to ask for a simply touch and not being worried about being rejected.

He still hadn’t gotten around to telling Karasuno how much he enjoyed the hugs and the constant touching that happened. He had heard the term touch-starved before and he thought it fit well with how he felt.

He knew his parents loved him, but it felt like something was missing when his grandfather started getting sick and he wasn’t ready for hugging. It only got worse after he was admitted to the hospital, where Tobio couldn’t even see him every day.

Yet the pain, the dark loneliness that had claimed a part of his life, it was as if it was slowly starting to leave, taking along the grey clouds in his mind. Some were still there, but it felt better, and he didn’t think he could ask for more.

“Are you up for more questions or do you want to stop?” Shouyou suddenly asked, reminding Tobio of what they had been doing before he started crying.

“We can do more questions,”

“You don’t talk with your sister,” Shouyou concluded.

“Not really, we used to be closer than we are now, but I was an accidental child and she was 8 years old when I was born. So, as we grew older we grew more apart, and now she’s studying in Tokyo,” Tobio explained, he had no ill feelings towards Miwa, after she quit volleyball, they didn’t really have anything in common as that was the only thing that made them close.

It wasn’t easy with that big of an age-gap.

“You didn’t really have friends before Karasuno.”

“No, I guess not,” Tobio admitted, remembering Kindaichi’s words. They still cut deep, he truly thought that they had been friends.

“You want to move on.”

Tobio furrowed his brows and spent a few seconds just opening and closing his mouth, clearly thinking hard about the question.

“Could you elaborate on that statement?” He asked.

“You want to move on, like move on from your past, leave behind those assholes. You don’t need to concern yourself with them anymore. Do you want to stop chasing their approval and acceptance?” Shouyou clarified, still tucked firmly against Tobio.

“Yeah, I want to, I don’t think I’m ever going to get anything except hatred from them,” Tobio quietly responded, “I’m tired Shouyou, I’m so tired of running and chasing something I’ll never get. I just don’t know how to let go; I feel as though I’ve chased them for years.”

“And who are they, specifically?” Shouyou asked, he needed to be sure that he and Tobio were on the same page.

“Oikawa, Kindaichi, Kunimi and Iwaizumi”

“Iwaizumi too?”

Tobio nodded before answering “Yes, I understand that he has never done anything to me, but he’s never, never truly tried, has he?”

“No, I’m happy you can see that, I think he tried, but he has spent too much time with Oikawa and only thought about how you affected The Grand King and not how The Grand King affected you,” Shouyou agreed with Tobio, pleased that his best friend could see that he needed to let go.

Tobio hummed at his words, seemingly in agreement with what had been said.

Neither boy said anything else, content with just enjoying the company for the time being. Though, as time slowly went on, Tobio felt like he had one last thing before Shouyou dozed off on him.

“Shouyou?”

“Hm?”  
“I think I might have had a crush on Oikawa,” Tobio said, gripping Shouyou’s shoulder to try and keep his posture “I think that perhaps I still do.”

The last part was whispered against Shouyou’s hair, and if the boys had been more distanced then Shouyou would have been able to hear it.

“You’re gay!” Shouyou yelled and sat up from where he was leaning on Tobio.

Shouyou narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips as he stared at Tobio, leaving the younger boy to squirm in his seat.

“Uh, that’s cool, I guess,” shrugged Shouyou and went back to the comfortable position he had laid in before, wrapping his arm around Tobio’s waist and nuzzling his neck “you should totally get better taste in guys though. You could do so much better than The Grand King.”

Tobio blinked and wrapped his arms around Shouyou again, “You’re okay with it?”

  
“Of course, I am, I’m really proud that you felt safe enough to share this with me, you know? Also, if anyone gives you shit about it, then you should just tell the team, we’ll beat all of them up,” Shouyou guaranteed.

“And my probably still present crush on Oikawa?” Tobio asked, sinking further down in the couch, feeling himself get too comfortable and sleepy.

“Eh, we’ll just find you a new crush, a better one, or you’ll lose it when you start to let go. Either way, bye bye King,” Shouyou commented, removing one hand from Tobio’s waist and grabbing one of the blankets, pulling it over both of their laps and letting his hand rest on Tobio’s waist again.

“Good plan dumbass.”

“Thanks idiot.”

Before Tobio could even close his eyes, he felt one of Shouyou’s fingers poking his cheek.

“What now?”

“If you had gone away to live with your parents, would you still have played volleyball?” Shouyou asked, genuinely curious about the answer as he couldn’t see Tobio stop playing.

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I would have,” scoffed Tobio, closing his eyes before speaking further “They actually researched the different schools in Hyōgo to see which ones had good teams.”

“Seriously?” Shouyou asked, also closing his eyes, getting ready to take a nap after this conversation, even though they had woken up just a few hours ago.

“Yeah, some of my parent’s good friends actually recommended the school that their sons go to. I think the sons are like a year older, I don’t know. The sons are both starters on the volleyball team, they were made it during their first year too. Their team was one of the runner ups in last year’s nationals. Both the team and the sons are apparently really good, but I never really looked into it, I knew I didn’t want to leave Miyagi,” explained Tobio.

“Yeah?” Shouyou sighed, happy that leaving had never crossed Tobio’s mind, he didn’t know what he would have done if he lost his best friend and rival.

“Yeah, my parents were a bit disappointed that I didn’t considered it, they were hoping that I would take a trip to see the school and the team. They had even told their friend’s sons about me, and they told me that the sons were disappointed I wouldn’t come.”

“Who are the sons and what is the school’s name?”

Tobio could hear that Shouyou was about to fall asleep even though he was still curious about the what-ifs of Tobio’s life.

“Miya Atsumu and Miya Osamu, and I think the school is called Inarizaki,” mumbled Tobio, his voice muffled by sleep, he cuddled closer to his friend and buried his face in Shouyou’s hair, ready for sleep to claim him. 


	3. Black-eyed Susan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are honestly the best! Thank you for reading and for all the comments, they bring me so much joy and i love reading them!!

Tobio was nervous about going back to school after the talk he had with Shouyou, and the talk that Shouyou promised him that he would have with the rest of the team. While, he had spoken to Shouyou about his conflicts, it had been incredibly tiring and mentally exhausting for him, and he hadn’t wished to have that conversation again any time soon.

So, when Shouyou had asked him if he wanted the team to know, he had hesitated, not because he didn’t trust them or didn’t want them to know.

He did, he really did.

The team had shown him so much kindness and love, and most importantly they had shown him what it meant to trust someone with not just his heart, but his entire soul and being. He wanted them to know just how much he appreciated them and how much he trusted them.

Yet, the thought of talking about everything that had happened to him once again, just thinking of admitting it again so soon made him tired.

When he told that to Shouyou, the middle blocker had been quick to assure him that he could have the conversation with the rest of the team, as long as Tobio told him what was okay to say.

Tobio had been quick to take him up on that offer, explaining that he didn’t really want the team to know too much of his homelife, but that Shouyou could tell them that while he lived alone, he was under no circumstance abused or neglected.

What had taken a while to figure out, was concerning the situation of his middle school life. In the end, both boys had agreed that Shouyou would tell them the basics about the situation, but not the more intimate things that Tobio had trusted him with. So, that the team would know that Tobio had essentially been excluded and bullied, and that his downward spiral truly took hold after his grandfather died.

Tobio also gave permission for Shouyou to tell them about his crush on Oikawa, and how he just wanted to let go of everything and forget the boys that had made him feel awful in middle school.

Shouyou had approved everything and had even demanded that Tobio took Monday off, so that he could relax probably and so Shouyou could talk to the team without him there, so that he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed or pressured to talk.

Tobio had reluctantly agreed with Shouyou’s demand, and had spent most of the day watching shows, sleeping and talking to his parents.

His parents had both been sad to hear that he hadn’t won, but they were delighted to know that it only fuelled Tobio’s desire to improve, both proud of their son’s dedication to the sport that he loved so much. They had even talked about Tobio coming to Hyogo to visit them soon, but that it had be around school and practice. It had been hours by the time that they finished talking, and the call had ended with smiles and soft spoken ‘I love you’s’ and promises to see each other in person soon, and for Tobio to call or text if there was ever anything he needed.

As well as telling him that he could have his team over as much as he wanted, especially that ‘nice red-haired boy’ that Tobio had told them so much about. He had been pretty embarrassed at that, but begrudgingly say that he promised to continue to invite them over.

He had felt at ease going to sleep that night, feeling more relaxed than he had been in a long time.

Though, walking to school the next morning had been nerve-wracking. While he had agreed that Shouyou could tell the team, he was a bit scared that they would take it badly or that they would try to talk more about it.

For the time being, Tobio just wanted to play volleyball, in the span of just a few days, more people than ever would know his secrets, his insecurities and the things that continued to weigh him down even if he had left the environment.

He knew that just because he left Kitagawa Daiichi, didn’t mean that Kitagawa had left him.

He still felt burdened by everything that happened in those years. He was in a much better place and he desperately wished that he could move on in a second, but he knew that it would take much longer to let go of everything that had been his fault and everything that had not, not been his fault.

Having Shouyou tell him that not everything had been his fault, had removed a weight from Tobio that he hadn’t even noticed was there. He knew that technically, Shouyou was right, but it felt different having someone else tell him that. It felt like all the hurt and pain he had tried so hard to keep hidden was suddenly acknowledged.

For the first time in many years, Kageyama Tobio felt like he was being acknowledged, recognised for who he was, a young teen just trying to play the sport he had fallen in love with.

Shouyou had seen that.

Shouyou once told him that Tobio was the first person to take him seriously, and Tobio felt the same way towards Shouyou. People at middle school had just seen him as a threat or a tyrant, not as a rival or believer, not the way Shouyou had taken him seriously.

It had been different.

It had been nice.

As he sat in class, he reminisced about the past that he had come to hate thinking about. All the stupid ‘King’ and ‘Tobio-chan’ that been such a large part of his everyday life, that he had forgotten what it felt like to not be taunted, mocked, or spoken to with contempt.

As he started to walk down to the gym, he kept praying that no one would make a big deal out of it. He really didn’t want to be assaulted by Tanaka or Noya, the second he walked through the door, he knew that if anyone were to demand answers, then it would be them.

Though, in an odd way it made him feel warm inside, that they thought that he was important enough to become angry or demanding.

Tobio snorted as he thought of the time Tanaka basically tried to fight Oikawa, despite not having had a conversation with him. Instead, he had seen just how bad Tobio had reacted and drawn his own conclusions.

In middle school, the only person who’d actually stood up to Oikawa was Iwaizumi, however he only really stopped him when it became too much. There were times when the taunting and exclusion wasn’t bad enough for him to intervene, when it wasn’t important enough.

 _When Tobio wasn’t important enough_.

Standing in the locker room, he was a bit surprised that no one had come to talk to him yet, but he chalked it up to being because of what Shouyou had said. That he didn’t feel comfortable with making a big deal out of it.

“Tobio!” yelled Shouyou as he walked into the gym, throwing his arms in the air and running over to him.

“Hey, was everything okay yesterday?” whispered Tobio when Shouyou was close enough.

“Yeah, they were all really understanding, even Tsukishima, though he told me not to tell you that, but oh well.”

“Right, uh, thanks for doing this.”

“Of course! That’s another point of our scoreboard for me as well.”

“You little shit, I’m gonna-“

“Kageyama, Hinata,” Yelled Daichi from across the gym, “No fighting and get over here coach and Takeda has something to announce.”

Both boys ran over to join the rest of the team, waiting patiently for the news to be announced.

“Right,” Started Takeda, beaming with excitement “we’ve been invited to join the Fukurodani Academy Group’s Training camp, it consists of four powerhouse schools from Tokyo. Including Nekoma, which was actually how we were allowed to join.”

“We’re going to Tokyo?” Shouyou yelled, unable to keep in his excitement.

“Yes! We’re very lucky to be able to join, as they don’t really allow outsiders in.”

The team quickly started talking and yelling, eager to get going and improve their play. All of them knew how powerful Nekoma was, and to be able to practice with other teams of the same calibre, could very well the one thing they needed to win Spring High Playoffs. 

“However, there’s one thing. It will happen right after the exam period, so if any of you fail and have to take a make-up exam, you might not be able to come to the camp. Some exceptions might be made if it is only one exam, but otherwise, you guys really need to pass.” Takeda softly explained, needing the team to understand that they would have to try on their exams.

He had seen some of their test-scores, and while most of them weren’t in any danger, he was a bit concerned about some of them.

No.

He was very concerned about Tanaka, Nishinoya, Hinata and Kageyama. 

“Fuck.”

Daichi turned around in a flash to berate Tanaka for his language, “I know this is a lot, but none of that.”

“No, he’s right, some of our star-players are absolutely fucked,” agreed Suga, nodding along as he said it.

“Suga, please,” Daichi said exasperated, even if what the vice-captain said was true “we just need to make sure that all of you pass, you just have to pass. We can do that. Now can we please get back to training?”

While the team got back to practicing, Tobio couldn’t deny that he felt excited for the upcoming training camp. He was nervous about passing the exams, but the excitement outweighed that.

He truly admired Nekoma, their teamwork had reminded him a lot of Aoba Johsai. Both teams focusing on not just individual strength, but also how to put all of the strengths together to create a functioning machine and not just a team filled up with strong players that couldn’t adjust to each other’s playing style.

Tobio knew that he hadn’t acknowledged what teamwork could do when he was in middle school, and that he had messed that up. Now, he felt like he was able to understand what made teams such as Nekoma and Aoba Johsai so dangerous.

“Oi Yamayama-kun, are you ready to leave?” Shouyou called out as they were finishing changing.

Tobio nodded, grabbed his bag, and said bye to the team as he and Shouyou walked out. He had decided to invite the other over for dinner again. He was slowly starting to feel like Shouyou’s company had become a fixed presence in his life and house.

He had gotten used to coming home after practice with no one there.

Now, more often than not, Shouyou would come back home with him and keep him company in an otherwise empty house. It felt nice to have someone to talk to when he cooked, in general it just felt nice to have someone around.

It had been hard to get used to in the beginning, but as time passed, he began to dread the days when Shouyou wouldn’t come with him.

He dreaded the days when he would be alone again.

Where the silence always got too loud and seemed too permanent.

When the darkness crept back into every corner of his mind, before it got too much, and he had to shut it up.

It had gotten better, sometimes it was easier than others to be alone, sometimes it didn’t feel like his doom, but just a quick pause where he could breathe.

“-obio, are you listening?”

Tobio blinked and shook his head, realising that he had spaced out while he walked with Shouyou, “No, what were you saying?”  
“Geez Tobio, at least listen to me,” Shouyou playfully sighed “I’m just saying that we might be screwed with the exams.”

Tobio nodded “Oh yeah, we really need to actually study if we want to go to the training camp.”

“I don’t get anything that we learn, how are we supposed to pass all our exams?” groaned Shouyou and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more than it already was.

“I think, we need to ask someone for help with study” Admitted Tobio, though he felt the same despair as Shouyou, the last thing he wanted to do was to ask someone like Tsukishima for help, studying would also take up time that he could spend playing Volleyball.

“I know, this sucks, bu-“

“Yahoo Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan.”

Tobio and Shouyou looked at each other with wide eyes before turning around and looking at the person who had interrupted them.

Both of them knew exactly who they were going to see, so seeing a smug and smiling Oikawa Tooru wasn’t a surprise, but they certainly weren’t happy to see him.

It took them a few seconds to notice that he wasn’t alone, Iwaizumi stood next to him, seemingly irritated as always, and behind them were Kindaichi and Kunimi, both sporting an annoyed look, as if they didn’t want to be there.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Tobio whispered, ignoring his old teammates, and turning to Shouyou with a cross look on his face.

“Honestly, your life sucks. This stink,” Answered Shouyou in the same whispered tone, as he saw the four Seijoh players walk towards to them.

“You know, it’s not nice to ignore your seniors,” Pouted Oikawa as he got closer to the huddled together boys.

“Good evening Oikawa-san” Sighed Tobio, turning back to look at the people he really hadn’t wanted to see.

He noticed that Shouyou stayed quiet, having opted to just glare at the four people instead.

“Good job Tobio-chan, was that so hard?”

While Tobio didn’t answer, Iwaizumi had taken it upon himself to try to keep Oikawa under control by hitting him in the back of the head.

Tobio chose to observe instead of answering, watching as Kindaichi tried to get Iwaizumi to relax as Oikawa had provoked him again, and Kunimi looked to observing him and Shouyou, who was still glaring at them, but had chosen to take a step forward in front of Tobio as if to try and cover him from them.

“Shouyou, let’s go,” Tobio said quietly, hoping that the others wouldn’t hear it, as he tried tucking on Shouyou’s jacket so they could leave.

He quickly found out that he wasn’t that lucky when he heard Kindaichi’s comment.

“Leaving already King? Are you too important to hang around simple commoners now?” Scoffed Kindaichi, finally turning to look at them and glare at the two.

Oikawa looked pleased at the comment, while Iwaizumi didn’t look happy with it, opening his mouth to try and correct Kindaichi, he was interrupted before he could say a word.

“Shut up, you’re just still pissed that you weren’t good enough to hit his tosses. Besides why would he want to hang out with you Turnip-head?” Shouyou snarled, looking positively angry as he pointed at a shocked Kindaichi.

Tobio felt his own eyes widen, and he could see that the rest of the group felt as shocked as he was.

He knew that Shouyou sometimes liked to talk big, but that it often lost its intimidation factor when he continued to stutter or hide behind Tanaka, and that was the only way that the Seijoh players had seen him try to provoke others.

Of course, they had seen how serious Shouyou could get on court, but this was the first time they had witnessed him like that outside of it.

Tobio couldn’t say that he didn’t feel pleasure or happiness at seeing their stunned faces, and he certainly couldn’t deny the warmth that swept over him as Shouyou defended him. It felt like the fire finally being lit on a cold winter night, that red and orange blaze taking over and removing the cold blues that had quickly come back into his life.

It felt like the warm sun shining directly onto the sunflowers, making them grow bigger and brighter in the light. 

“What did you say?” Kindaichi looked murderous as he spat the question out.

“I know you heard it, but I’ll gladly say it again. I said, shut up, you’re just still pissed that you weren’t good enough to hit his tosses.” Shouyou looked as smug as he had ever been, as he repeated what he had said before.

While Tobio liked to think that he knew a lot about Shouyou’s moods, this was new even for him.

“Hey, let’s calm down, this is a bit much isn’t it?” Iwaizumi intervened, putting a hand on Kindaichi’s chest to pull him back.

“Who cares about his tosses, at least we were good enough to go to the finals!”

“Kindaichi, for god’s sake.” groaned Iwaizumi, as he pulled him further back.

“And you lost again, didn’t you?” Shouyou snarked, watching as the Seijoh players froze and looked towards him “Aoba Johsai has gone to the finals multiple times, and you’ve always lost, haven’t you? Why would this tim-”

“Shouyou, that’s enough, stop it” Tobio yelled, interrupting his best friend, cutting off whatever new hurtful thing he was going to say.

He didn’t want this, he didn’t want them to be hurt, the way that they had hurt him.

It was too cruel.

Especially since he knew how hard they worked, how hard all of them had always worked, even if he used to think it wasn’t enough.

Yet, it was, because they gave it everything they could, and he still demanded more. It hadn’t been right, and it wasn’t right how Shouyou called them out for losing. They did everything they could, what more could one ask for?

“I am sorry,” Tobio pulled Shouyou back behind him, and bowed towards his old teammates as he apologized for what Shouyou had said.

“Don’t apologize for me, I’m not sorry.”

“I know,” acknowledged Tobio and started pulling him away, so that they could continue to go home, while the others were still frozen.

“I know very well that you’re not sorry,” Tobio slowly smiled as he continued, the same small smile he had given Shouyou a few days ago, hoping it might calm him down.

“Tobio-chan, you can smile?” Oikawa asked hesitantly, in shock at what he had just experienced.

Tobio looks bewildered at Oikawa, mouth opening and closing a couple of times before cautiously answering “I, yes?”

“What the hell, what does that even mean, of course he can smile, you asshole.”

“What he meant, was that we haven’t seen Kageyama smile like that before,” offered Iwaizumi, still trying to keep the peace as best as he could.

“Yeah, no shit, you guys are awful to him.” Shouyou explained, rolling his eyes and folding his arms over his chest, clearly tired of talking to them.

“Hey tha-“

“Is there a problem here?”

“Captain” Tobio and Shouyou yelled in unison, looking at their captain who had interrupted whatever Iwaizumi had tried to say.

“Are you two causing trouble again?” asked Daichi as he reached them, grabbing them by the shoulders, making them stumble back in surprise and creating a further distance between them and the Seijoh players.

“Well, they started it,” Whined Shouyou, looking up at Daichi, who didn’t actually look too mad.

“Is that right Kageyama?” shifting his glaze to the younger of the first years and raising an eyebrow, clearly looking for the truth.

“Uh, they wouldn’t let us leave,” Tobio said, uncomfortable with the attention that was being brought to him.

Daichi hummed at the answer, turning his glare to the other team “I really didn’t take you guys for the harassing type, but I do realise that I don’t really know you. I believe it might be best for all people involved if you keep away from my underclassmen.”

Daichi may have looked cheerful while saying this, but Tobio and Shouyou could feel his grip getting harder as he kept talking.

They didn’t have time to focus on Seijoh’s reactions, as Daichi began dragging them away from the other group.

“Now, I think we should get the two of you home.” he says fondly, loosening his grips but not yet letting go. 

“Kageyama was our underclassman before he was yours,” Iwaizumi was fuming as he watched the Karasuno captain lead away his first years, he hadn’t wanted anyone to fight, he had even hoped that he might get a chance to talk to Kageyama after all this time.

But no, everyone blew it all out of proportion and suddenly Kageyama was being lead away before he could talk to him.

How dared Sawamura imply that they were harassing Kageyama? They were his teammates before Karasuno, and if Hinata hadn’t been there, then they might have been able to have a good conversation.

Sure, maybe, Oikawa liked to tease him, and Kindaichi and Kunimi hadn’t gotten over middle school yet, but they had been friends, they weren’t harassing him.

The three Karasuno players turned around to look, and while Tobio and Shouyou looked shocked at the exclamation, Daichi only raised an eyebrow and kept the rest of his face neutral as he answered.

“Oh? He might have been at some point but not now. You don’t get to decide that you suddenly want someone when you’ve already thrown him away. He isn’t a goddamn emotionless toy, so treat him like an actual person.” Daichi started to pull the boys along again, eager to get away from the others.

“Yeah! Just you guys wait, we’re going to fuck you guys up at Spring High,” Shouyou yelled as he was dragged away, trying desperately to turn around in Daichi grasp so he could look at them while he yelled.

“Oh god,” groaned Tobio, burying his head in his hands as he was being lead away from them.

Daichi slowly let go of them when they were out of Seijoh’s eyesight, stopping in the streets to take a good look at them.

“Are you okay?” He gently asked, focusing on Tobio, yet both knew that the question was meant for Shouyou as well.

“I’m fine, just mad at them,” Shouyou answered honestly, shrugging and turning his attention to Tobio as well.

“Fine, I was just surprised, I didn’t think I would see them again so soon,” He admitted, feeling a bit flustered with all the attention, he had never been good at this.

“That’s understandable,” Daichi sighed, raising his hand and ruffling Tobio’s hair “Listen, it’s important that you know that we’re all here for you, you’ve had some rough years and it’s only fair that you let go of the people who made you feel like this and that’s good. It’s good that you recognise that you’re worth more than what they think. Whatever you decide to do, we support you, but if they can’t see that how they treat you is wrong, then they don’t deserve you. Don’t diminish yourself to try to gain others acceptance, find people who build you up instead of tearing you down. People who will help you succeed and not bring you down.”

Tobio nodded and bit his lip as he felt his captain remove his hand, “Like the team?”

Daichi’s eyes widened at the unexpected comment and Shouyou found himself grinning at it.

The captain’s eyes softened as he huffed out a laugh “Yeah, like our team, we’re here. We’re right here, Kageyama.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, Yeah, now I think it might be time for you two to get home and remember there’s practice tomorrow morning.” Daichi called out as he left the two first years to their own devices.

Tobio and Shouyou spent the rest of the walk back to Tobio’s house in silence, it was only when they got back and started to make dinner that it felt right to start talking again, even if both of them were too tired to have an actual conversation about what just happened.

“We’re still screwed about the exams” Shouyou whined, laying his head on the kitchen table as Tobio started to find the ingredients.

“Shut up idiot, you’re only making this day worse.”

“Bakayama, don’t call me an idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, we're slowly getting other people introduced! Also, Hinata Shouyou is a feral sunshine goblin and i will personally fight anyone who say otherwise. He is ready to throw down constantly. 
> 
> By the way, i'm on twitter as BiandnotFly, if any of you are interested!


	4. Mint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been little while, university has just started so my schedule is bit more hectic right now. But i'm hoping you guys will enjoy this chapter! Things are slowly picking up!

It wasn’t necessarily that Tobio hated Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kindaichi and Kunimi. He had admired the two elder and considered the younger two his friends. He was aware that he had never really had the greatest relationship with the third years, and that the ‘friendship?’ that he had acquired with Kindaichi and Kunimi was mostly based on the fact that they played volleyball together and was in the same class.

It had taken him a long time to admit that in some way, he could understand why they had done what they did. If someone had treated him the same way that he had treated them, then he would probably have snapped as well.

However, as he laid in bed that night, he knew that even if he understood that what he had done, what he had been, was wrong. It didn’t make what they did to him in return right, none of them had been justified in their actions.

No one that was involved in what had happened in his third year in middle school was innocent.

Tobio had thought about it many times, and every time he started to wonder why none of the adults had done anything. Of course, he couldn’t always expect other people to stop him or stop others, but they were kids.

_We’re still just kids, his mind supplied._

Tobio groaned and buried his head in his pillow, he really had no idea what to do.

He just wished that they hadn’t run into Seijoh a few days ago, because he was absolutely sure that if that hadn’t happened, then he wouldn’t have been in the situation he was in.

“Fuck,” He muttered, as he removed his face from where it was buried in the pillow. He looked back over to desk, where he could still see the cursed phone.

He ran his hands over his face harshly and pushed himself off the bed. He knew he had a difficult choice to make and procrastinating wouldn’t do him any good.

Tobio had thought about calling Shouyou and asking for advice, but after the disaster the chance meeting had been, he quickly disregarded that thought.

Picking up the phone, he glared at the messenger app that was still open and looked at the message that had amplified his inner conflict.

(20:23) Hey Kageyama, it’s Iwaizumi. I overheard you and Hinata talk about studying so that you wouldn’t fail your finals, and if you’d like then I could tutor you? 

(20:24) No pressure, just a think about it okay? I’d be happy to help you.

What was he supposed to say?

No?

Yes?

Did the universe think it was being funny?

Was his life just a big joke to the galaxy?

He had finally decided that letting go would be the best course of action, even though he knew it would hurt because of every quiet and unsaid emotion he had ever felt towards any of them.

He had held on to them, held on to all that was left unsaid and all that was said, held on to every inclusion and exclusion.

Had kept them separated and labelled, locked them up in their own cages, thrown away all the keys and buried them deep in his chest, beneath the invisible flowers and thornbushes.

Knowing that no one but himself would ever see them, so that no one would know how it had shaped him into who he is.

He had just decided to slowly start to sort through the memories, to dig up every cage and sort through them. To let them go as much as he was able to, because he was so sure it was the right thing to do.

_So why, he thought, why did it feel so nice to know that Iwaizumi wanted to help him?_

He took a deep breath and started to think about it instead of just panicking.

He knew Iwaizumi was a good student, so it was clear that he would be able to help him. He also knew him, even if they did have a turbulent past and maybe even present, but they knew the basics about each other, so there wouldn’t be a too awkward start.

On the other hand, there was Karasuno.

His upperclassmen were mostly focused on Tanaka and Nishinoya, so he and Shouyou were left with seeking help from the other first years. Tsukkishima wasn’t helping at all, fully content to just watching them panic, and while Yamaguchi helped a bit it wasn’t too much.

In the end, the person who had helped them the most had been their new manager Yachi, who had showed them her notes and tried hard to help them both study the material and understand it. Tobio liked her, she was nice but very quiet and extremely skittish. While, he liked her, it seemed that her style of tutoring suited Shouyou far more than it did him.

He tried, he really did, but it was almost like she was too soft, and he was too scared of asking her questions from the fear of intimidating her. At the same time, he understood some of the things she explained, but it never stuck with him. So, he knew that he needed a different tutor if he wanted to pass and go to Tokyo.

Sighing, he looked back down at the phone in his hand, contemplating how to answer the text. He had to say yes, and he knew that out of the four, Iwaizumi was the person he got along best with, though maybe that didn’t say all that much.

He took a deep breath and started to write his answer.

Tobio kept reading it repeatedly, just to make sure that the answer was perfect before he sent it. He could gradually feel his nerves getting the better of him and decided to just send it and worry afterwards.

**(20:56) If it isn’t too much trouble, then I’d appreciate your help**

He realised he didn’t have to be so nervous when he had a new text before he could even put his phone down.

(20:57) It’s no trouble at all, it’s why I asked. 

(20:57) Do you have some place you’d want to meet up?

(20:58) And a time?

**(21:01) I guess my house would be best, maybe around 2 tomorrow? If Seijoh doesn’t have afternoon practice**

(21:02) Nah, we have morning practice, so that’s fine.

(21:03) So I’ll see you tomorrow?

**(21:05) Yeah, I’ll send my address**

Tobio contemplated if he should send the next text, but even if the conversation was short it wasn’t unpleasant. Shrugging, he typed and sent it before he could second-guess himself.

**(21:08) Goodnight Iwaizumi-san**

(21:09) Goodnight Kageyama :) 

Tobio couldn’t help but snort when he saw the smiley, it was a bit unexpected, but it did make him feel better about tomorrow. It might not have been the tutor that he thought he would get, but as long as he got help and there weren’t any arguments then he was fine with it.

As he was drifting off, he couldn’t help but notice that the ache in his heart felt lighter, and the storm in his head felt much quieter than normally. He might even enjoy the session tomorrow.

Waking up the next morning hadn’t been bad, he felt mostly calm. Although, the restlessness was from not having morning practice that day. Daichi and Coach had decided that it would be best if they removed Saturday morning training so that they could study for their finals, both firmly believing that it was much more important for them to study so they could go to Tokyo instead of having practice Saturday.

So, Saturday became the official study day for the whole team.

It wasn’t a bad idea, but Tobio had never been good at school. He wasn’t smart, didn’t excel in any of the subjects.

Sitting in a classroom never failed to make him feel dumb, and being scolded for not understanding the material or for not finishing his homework simply because he didn’t know how or what to do, never failed to make him feel humiliated and angry at himself for not being better.

What was the point of being called a genius when he clearly wasn’t?

Normally it didn’t bother him to the point of frustration, but after having been called an idiotic king by Tsukkishima all week, and having to listen to him talk about how stupid he and Shouyou were, it had piled up to the point where Tobio felt angry with himself.

Both for letting that asshole provoke him, but also because he tried, okay, he really tried to do better, to be better. But nothing seemed to work, Tsukkishima had been an ass when he had asked for help, taunting him to the point where Tobio had been mere seconds from punching him if Suga hadn’t pulled them apart.

He shook his head as he looked at the clock, almost 2, he noted. Iwaizumi would be there any second now, and Tobio really hoped this would work, not just because he needed to pass, but also because Iwaizumi was his last hope.

There was nobody else left to ask.

Or, there wasn’t anybody left that he wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for help. It always made him feel small, vulnerable, and exposed to admit his weakness.

Just as Tobio had started to think that it was a bad idea and that he had made a mistake, the doorbell rang, signalling that his tutor had come.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be fine,” Tobio reassured himself as he walked to the door, trying to calm his nerves, not knowing just how to react.

He took a deep breath just before opening the door.

“Iwaizumi-san, hello,” Tobio said just as he had opened the door, watching as Iwaizumi seemed to stumble but quickly recovered when he had opened the door.

Tobio had thought that he would still be wearing the tracksuit over his practice clothes, or just the practice clothes itself, but he seemed to have changed into casual clothing after training.

“Kageyama, hey,” It was almost like Iwaizumi was out of breath, but Tobio just chalked it up to the fact that his former upperclassman had some nerves as well.

Both of them were aware of just how quickly the session could go wrong, or just how weird it was obviously going to be.

Iwaizumi raised the hand that didn’t hold his normal bag, showing off a white plastic bag with something inside, “I didn’t know if you had already had lunch, so I picked some food up. You still like curry, right? I thought I could recall that you ate a lot of pork curry, so I uh, I brought that,” He seemed to hesitate as he finished, looking from the bag of food to Tobio.

Tobio watched as Iwaizumi dropped his sports bag, so he could drag his hand down his face. He let the silence drag out for a while, allowing Iwaizumi to feel even more awkward.

However, the silence ended when Tobio huffed out a small laugh, lifting his hand to his face to try and stifle it and turning away from Iwaizumi for a second to try and gain control again.

It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one feeling awfully nervous.

“It’s fine,” Tobio said when he felt right again “I hadn’t eaten yet, and thank you, pork curry is my favourite. Come on in,” He moved away from the door to allow his tutor inside, closing the door as soon as Iwaizumi was inside.

“You can just put the things you won’t be using here in the entrance, and then we could start off with eating and study afterwards?” Tobio said as he directed Iwaizumi, taking the bag of food from his guest, and moving towards the kitchen, letting Iwaizumi follow him after agreeing with the plan.

“I hope your parents are fine with me being here?” Iwaizumi said as he helped Tobio take the food out of the bag.

Tobio shrugged before answering “I mean, they’re probably fine with it, they don’t live here, so as long as nothing gets broken, they don’t care who I invite.”

Iwaizumi stopped what he was doing, and just watch Tobio move their food onto platers and carry them to the table.

“They don’t live here?”

“No.”

“They don’t live with you?”

“No,” Tobio sighed, sitting down at the table and pointing Iwaizumi to his seat where his plate was “They work and live in Hyogo, I talk to them every day, but I wanted to stay in Miyagi and as long as I’m feeling fine, they’re okay with it.”

Iwaizumi sat down and continued observing Tobio as he started to eat the food before he decided that he might as well start eating too.

“It’s good,” commented Tobio, looking at Iwaizumi across the table.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi answered, putting his fork down and focusing solely on the boy across from him “Look, Kageyama, I’m really sorry about what happened a few days ago with Oikawa and Kindaichi, they shouldn’t have talked or provoked you like that. They way they treated you wasn’t okay”

Tobio looked shocked, but quickly gained back his momentum “It’s okay, I’m, you know, used to them being like that. I’m really sorry for what Shouyou said though. I know how hard you work; how hard you guys have always worked. You didn’t deserve his anger, and it wasn’t fair of him to use that against you”

Iwaizumi’s harsh features seemed to soften as he looked at Kageyama, he laughed and shook his head before answering “It’s fine, I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt, but honestly, I’m glad you have someone who is in your corner, someone who you can trust.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Kageyama, I’m sorry for how I acted.”

Tobio furrowed his brows “But you didn’t do anything, you even tried to pull Kindaichi back.”  
Iwaizumi nodded “Yeah, I didn’t do enough and that has always been the problem. You’ve never deserved to be treated awful by them, not a few days ago and not three years ago. I should have done more to stop Oikawa back then, but I didn’t know how, maybe I wasn’t strong enough. But I knew it wasn’t right.”

He paused and snorted before continuing “When Sawamura accused us of harassing you, every rational thought I had and all those things I’ve know for years, they just went out the window. In that second, I wanted more than anything to deny it, to say that it was just teasing and friendly taunting, but it wasn’t and maybe it had never been. I knew that, I’ve known since Kindaichi and Kunimi became members of the team. They kept attacking you, kept being so cruel behind your back and Oikawa sometimes joined in, and I was certain that this wasn’t just friendly mocking, it was basically bullying you behind your back”

Tobio had put down his own utensils and folded his hands in front of him, biting his lips as he kept listening to Iwaizumi.

“I should have done more than just ignore the problem and hope it went away, but I didn’t because I was scared. Maybe scared of making worse for you, or maybe I was just a coward. I try harder to stop them from talking about you now, they keep portraying you as a person you’re not. Honestly, I don’t even think that the person they keep talking about is you, the persona you had for a while, was never who you were. I don’t know enough about you to be sure of that, but you’re not the tyrant king”

Tobio swallowed, feeling something stuck in his throat as he kept listening and watching Iwaizumi. He had never seen the older boy look this emotional, he had never in his life thought he would see his middle school upperclassman look this remorseful.

“So, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything, none of this should have ever happened,” Iwaizumi finished, letting out every emotion he had felt the last few days, feeling far lighter than he had in a while. Because he had said his piece, he had finally been able to apologize.

“Thank you for your apology, you’re right, none of this should have happened. Yet, it did, it happened and none of us were innocent in it. We all played a part, thank you acknowledging that,” spoke Tobio, tapping his fingers slowly and quietly on the table as he considered his next words. “What do you want from this?”

“I just wanted to apologize because I think it was the right thing to do. However, if possible, I would like to be more than just another team’s player to you”

“I see,” Tobio hummed, “I think, that I forgive you as much as I can right now, but I’m not yet ready to resume whatever our relationship was before. At this moment in my life, I would appreciate if you were my tutor and no more, not right now, maybe it will change and maybe it not. I just know, I can’t let you be a focus in my life, I can’t let any of you be a focus right now. I’m chasing someone new; I can’t hold on to people who refuse to do the same”

Iwaizumi kept closing and opening his mouth, looking back and forth between Tobio and his plate, before he let out an exhale “Thank you, I would like that and maybe you don’t want to hear this, but I’m proud of you Kageyama, you’re incredible.”

“Thank you,” Tobio let out a small smile and watched as Iwaizumi did the same.

“Now,” Iwaizumi clapped his hands and pointed towards Tobio, “What do you need help with?”

“Everything, I don’t understand anything I’ve been taught this year”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Well then,” Iwaizumi said slowly “we should definitely start then, because when I’m done with you, you’ll be able to pass all your classes”

Tobio gulped, feeling as though he had just made a deal with the devil as he watched Iwaizumi’s lips curl into a smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Iwaizumi, and i knew i wanted to start with him and work up to the rest of the guys, and kinda use him as a bit of a stepping stone. Though, we've got some things that had to happen first, including the anticipated Tokyo Training camp. 
> 
> If you'd like to talk or just hear the thoughts of a tired university student, i'm on Twitter as Biandnotfly. Hope you guys are keeping safe and having fun!!!


	5. Ivy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt extremely inspired so here you guys go!!

To be fair, Tobio was grateful that Iwaizumi reached out to him. The apology was nice, certainly not what he had expected, but it had been a nice bonus.

What he was most grateful for, however, was the tutoring.

Tobio had always had problems with understanding and keeping up with the different topics. However, Iwaizumi had somehow found a way to teach Tobio so that it would mostly stick.

He wasn’t expecting to excel in any of the finals, but now he had more than a fair chance of actually passing all of them, which was far more than he had, had before.

Iwaizumi was also nice when they were together, Tobio wouldn’t necessarily call them friends yet, but he was aware that it might be where they were headed. Perhaps, he didn’t have an issue with it, it could actually be nice.

Although, Tobio understood that just because he had forgiven Iwaizumi for his inability to act during middle school, it didn’t mean that he had forgotten who he was.

Iwaizumi wasn’t his friend, but he was Oikawa’s.

Iwaizumi wasn’t his upperclassman, he was Kindaichi and Kunimi’s.

It wasn’t a problem, but sometimes Tobio had to remind himself where he stood with the older man. He knew, that if it came down to it, if Iwaizumi was ever truly given an ultimatum and had to choose. Well, he would choose Oikawa in a heartbeat, and frankly Tobio could see no fault in that.

He understood, he really did.

Because if he had to choose between his old teammates and Shouyou, he wouldn’t need to think.

He thought he had understood before, he believed that he understood the bond and loyalty between best friends with Kindaichi and Kunimi, but apparently, he didn’t.

In its own way, it was fine. He had Shouyou now, he had bright sunflowers instead of withered flowers. 

He had Shouyou, who was as loyal to him as Tobio was to him.

Shouyou, who never stopped him when he started talking, who encouraged him to talk about the things he was passionate about.

The boy who had sat quietly and comforted him, when Tobio cried into his chest as he, for the first time, talked about his grandfather’s passing.

Shouyou, who liked to rile him up and insult him, but who had never used never of the things, that was said in passing during the cloak of night against him.

When the only being that witnessed the rough touches, the way they kept clinging to each other to ensure the other wouldn’t leave, who heard the soft-spoken words and emotional confessions that was whispered into bare necks and flushed cheeks, was the moon and the stars that kept them company in the cold nights.

It was the hidden garden that was watered by tender words and sweet touches in the gentle night.

Not even their team had seen the small touches in corridors, under stairwells or behind the gym before practice. They hadn’t witnessed the way Tobio would exhale at the touch, the way Shouyou would ground him with a touch, with yelling, challenging him, insulting him or just throw things at him while laughing.

They way that Shouyou’s presence had become grounding to him, when not even his family had managed to achieve the same no matter how hard both they and he tried.

When all else failed, he has Shouyou. He has Shouyou, he has those irritatingly bright sunflowers.

He has Shouyou, and he doesn’t think that this is his best friend.

He knows, he’s certain that this is his best friend.

That this jumpy, hyper, dumb, incredible being will always stand by his side, that he is and will be as loyal to Tobio as Tobio is to him.

He understands now, how Iwaizumi feels.

He understands the way that he prioritised Oikawa, because Tobio would lie if he said that he wouldn’t consider doing the same for Shouyou.

Maybe, that was why it had been easier to get along with Iwaizumi this time? Not just because there was no one to antagonise or provoke, but because Tobio understood the situations that Iwaizumi had been put in.

He was a good person but making him choose between Tobio and Oikawa in middle school had been a circumstance he shouldn’t have been put in to start with.

It was different to be together with Iwaizumi, listening to him talk about his life. It was weird but pleasant to hear about it. Tobio had a favourite part of listening to him when they took breaks from studying.

Maybe he was a masochist, but what he loved to hear about the most, was when Iwaizumi talked about Oikawa.

It was hearing all the dumb things he had done. How he kept losing his contacts and freaking out, how Iwaizumi sometimes had to physically drag him to bed and take his computer so that he would sleep instead of watching matches.

The way he would trip over nothing if he was distracted. How happy he got when the other third ways had said yes to watching the new alien movie with him. Where he then spent the entire week only talking about it and sharing his theories about the movie.

Then, Iwaizumi told him about how the other third years would tease him when girls came up to him. How, Oikawa apparently kept acting happy and grateful even though he would secretly be annoyed when girls kept coming and interrupting practice.

How he kept complaining when girls kept demanding his attention even if he was busy. The way he would always feel a little guilty when he rejected them.

Hearing Iwaizumi talk about the Oikawa, the man who was the seemingly the real version of Oikawa Tooru, who Tobio had never been able to meet, it was exhilarating. It hurt in a way, but at the same time, Tobio felt so happy.

Though, maybe just maybe, it was a bad idea, when he realised that the fire deep in his stomach, that he had tried so hard to let die out had come back. When he felt old flowers come back to life once more, even if they had never withered or died.

When he laid in his bed at night, wondering if one day Oikawa would grin at him the way that Iwaizumi had described in his stories. But for now, he made peace with how he at least had his friends.

Well, Shouyou was a little irritated with him, he thought, as he sat across from him in the café. Watching the red-haired boy drag his hands down his face for the third time in two minutes.

“Right, you’re studying with the same upperclassman who didn’t help you in middle school,” Shouyou groaned, leaning forward in his chair and pushing his coffee out of the way, so he could place his hands on the table.

“He apologized, and I’m certain that it was sincere. He explained himself, but he didn’t excuse himself.”

Shouyou tilted his head and nodded slowly “You trust him?”

“Not yet,” Tobio answered, “or maybe just not really, but I forgive him. I think it will take a lot longer for there to be trust between us.”

Shouyou regarded him for a second, “you’re sure he was sincere?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good, thanks for not keeping it from me. I know I’m not your keeper or parent or anything, but I do worry”

“I know, I think it’s nice even if we sometimes are a bit co-dependent.”

Shouyou threw his head back and laughed, showing off a big smile and white teeth.

“Kageyama!”

Tobio turned his head towards the entrance and saw Iwaizumi wave to him. He gave a small wave back and turned his attention to the people that were with him. The other two third years, Matsu and Makk?

He had no clue what their names were, and the second-year setter that had been with Kindaichi during their first practice match.

“Hey, how’s it going? You feeling ready for the finals next week?” Iwaizumi asked as he walked over to their table, leaving the others to follow him.

“I’m hoping I’ll pass them all, at least I’ll do my best,” Tobio answered, watching Iwaizumi’s smile widen at his answer.

Tobio gave a quick gaze towards Shouyou, feeling the tension leaving his body as the watched his friend give a polite smile to the same person, he had verbally assaulted just a few weeks before.

Iwaizumi shifted his stare to Shouyou, not even reacting as his own friends placed themselves behind him, observing their vice-captain interact with the two first years.

“Listen, Hinata, I’m sorry for what happened and I-,”

“Don’t,” Shouyou stopped him, never losing the polite smile “Tobio forgave you and that’s enough for me. I don’t know you, but I respect you to a certain degree, and if Tobio’s cool with you then so am I.”

Iwaizumi gave a thankful smile, having lost some of his own nerves when Shouyou had interrupted him.

“Unless, you fuck up again, of course. But you understand that, right?”

Raising an eyebrow at question, Iwaizumi quickly nodded. He probably did understand, after all, he shared the same relationship with Oikawa as Tobio did with Shouyou.

“Oi, Iwaizumi, aren’t you going to introduce us?” The pink haired one said, wrapping an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulder and grinning at him.

“Yeah, you’re so rude, just ignoring us,” The other third year supplied, poking Iwaizumi in the arm with a deadpan expression.

“You’ve met both of them before,” Iwaizumi grumbled, moving so he could get the arm off his shoulder.

“Only in matches, introduce us probably. Or we’ll tell Oikawa.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes as he started gesturing and talking “Guys, Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou. Kageyama and Hinata, this is Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takehiro and Yahaba Shigeru. Play nice.”

“Nice to meet you,” Tobio acknowledged as he bowed his head towards the group, watching as Hinata just smiled and waved, even though they were right next to them.

“Yeah, nice to meet you too,” Yahaba answered slowly, seemingly observing how both Iwaizumi and Shouyou interacted with Tobio.

“Good, to know that we can just threaten with telling Oikawa and you’ll do it,” Hanamaki teased, folding his arms across his chest as watch his vice-captain roll his eyes again.

“I just did it to make you shut up, besides,” He stopped, tilting his head and considering his words before continuing “Oikawa already knows that I’ve been tutoring Kageyama, he’s cool with it, so there’s nothing to threaten me with.” 

Tobio felt like a bombshell was just dropped on him, Oikawa knew? He hadn’t stopped Iwaizumi, he had been fine with it?

What?

That didn’t make any sense at all.

He looked over at Shouyou and witnessed the same confusion and expression that he was sure was on his own face as well. Mouth open and brows furrowed, Shouyou looked back at him, mouthing a distinct what, to which Tobio could only shrug his shoulders and shake his head. He didn’t know about this either and he wasn’t really sure how he felt about it.

Didn’t Oikawa hate him? Why would he let his best friend tutor him?

“You guys severely overestimate Oikawa’s ability to hate Kageyama.” Iwaizumi explained, focusing on the shocked reactions of his own team and not Tobio and Shouyou.

“Huh,”

“Same, huh”

Yahaba stayed quiet, still silently observing everyone at the table. Watching Iwaizumi slap both Hanamaki and Matsukawa in the back of the head.

“We have to get going, Shittykawa has demanded team bonding time, I just wanted to get some caffeine before dealing with him,” Iwaizumi said, grabbing the two thirds years and started to push them over to the counter, letting Yahaba bow and follow “Text me how your finals go?” He called out over his shoulder, only looking away when Tobio gave an affirming thumbs up.

When the Seijoh members walked away, Tobio swore that he could hear Yahaba whisper ‘He doesn’t seem like how Kunimi and Kindaichi described him, he’s nice’ to the rest of the group, Matsukawa and Hanamaki both agreed quietly, whereas Iwaizumi just gave a hard nod.

Tobio felt his cheeks flush at the thought, and while he wasn’t certain that that had been exactly what Yahaba had said, he hoped it was.

They seemed nice and he didn’t want anyone to hate him because of rumours.

The second the group left the café, Shouyou turned back around in his seat, looking flabbergasted at Tobio “The Grand King knows about the tutoring?” he demanded.

“Apparently.”

“You didn’t know?”

“Obviously not dumbass.”

“This is becoming a mess,” Shouyou huffed, taking the last sip of his coffee, watching Tobio nod over the edge of the cup.

“Yeah. Whatever, can we just go and play volleyball already?”

“Definitely! We have to get better so we can defeat Nekoma,” Cheered Shouyou, packing his things and waiting to Tobio to drink the last of his coffee so they could leave.

It had been a while since Shouyou and Tobio had been able to get some free practice in, where and when they weren’t at school. Every minute of their free time had been occupied by studying.

They still talked every day, spent school days together and sometimes walked home with each other, but they didn’t have time to meet every weekend.

Neither enjoyed studying and they would rather have spent the time playing volleyball, however, both of them were aware that if they flunked this, not only would they miss the most important training camp they have ever been invited to, they were also certain that both Daichi and Suga would kick their asses.

Even Tanaka and Noya were serious about their studying, Ennoshita was also serious about tutoring them. Ensuring that the second years didn’t slack off. Tobio had been told that they had spent every weekend together since it was decided to drop Saturday practice so people could study.

Even though Tobio had been the one to leave Shouyou with Yachi, he was a bit jealous that the second years got to study with their friends. He liked being taught by Iwaizumi, he never lost his temper with Tobio and he didn’t mock him when there was part of the material that he didn’t understand. Instead, he tried to explain it in different ways, so he might discover a way that worked for Tobio. 

It worked, it was nice, but he missed Shouyou. He missed hanging out with him, he missed insulting him, fighting him for food or just smacking him when he said something dumb. 

Admittedly it had taken him some time to come to terms with the strange dependence that he felt with Shouyou. Tobio could work without Shouyou, he didn’t always need to be besides him. However, he had also rather reluctantly confessed to both his parents and therapist, that sometimes he did feel better while Shouyou was with him.

That when Shouyou agreed with him, it was hard to feel dumb.

That when Shouyou was with him, he knew he meant something to someone else.

That every time Shouyou smiled at him, it became just a little harder to hate or doubt himself. Because if he could make him smile, if he could have Shouyou like him and be loyal, then he couldn’t possibly be that bad.

He was scared that he had become too dependent on Shouyou, on the first person to truly show him kindness. He had read how bad co-dependency could be and he had been terrified to tell his therapist.

However, she had reassured him that he and Shouyou’s relationship wasn’t bad, and that as long as it didn’t get to the point where Tobio only seemed to like himself when he was with Shouyou, and never wanted to be without him because it could have bad repercussions, then she supported their relationship.

She believed that Shouyou had already help him a lot, and that while he shouldn’t rely solely on Shouyou to get better, his presence had helped.

His parents were supportive as well, though he suspected that they were just happy he had friends. Honestly, he was pretty sure that he could have Shouyou move into one of the guest rooms in the house and his parents would be delighted.

He wouldn’t do it, but he was certain that it wouldn’t be an issue if it ever did happen.

Though, as he wandered alone through the empty streets after he and Shouyou had practiced until it had become too dark for them to continue, he thought it might have been nice to have more time with him after almost no alone time during the study weeks.

He and Shouyou had said goodbye at the outdoors court, he had watch Shouyou bike for a little while, before he had started walking home himself. They had practiced for far too long, it was later than Shouyou would have liked and while Tobio didn’t have anybody waiting for him at home, he knew that Shouyou ‘s mom would scold him a bit when he got home.

When it came to that, Tobio was happy that he lived alone, he had always found the dark sky beautiful, so he was either out late at night or early morning so he could watch the glittering stars or the ever changing colours of the sky in the morning.

That didn’t mean that he felt completely secure or safe walking home, the streets he had to walk on to get home from the court weren’t the safest. So, he walks as quickly as he could, keeping a tight grip on his bag and keeping his gaze firmly locked on the ground.

If he hadn’t been so committed to looking at the ground as he walked, he might even have noticed the man he was walking past, before his arm was grabbed and he was pulled back.

He felt a warm breath on his skin, and he swore that the person’s lips touched his ear, but his thoughts were interrupted by a well-known and bemused voice.

“Tobio-chan, why are you walking alone this late at night?”

“Oi-Oikawa-san,” Tobio stuttered, turning around as well as he could, both with his arm still held up in a tight grip and Oikawa’s body so close that he could feel his body heat. 

“Aren’t you going to answer your senpai, Tobio-chan?”

Tobio hoped he had got rid of any kind surprise still written on his face, hoping that his resting bitch face, as Shouyou liked to call it, was back before he answered “I’m just walking home from the public court a few streets back.”

“Alone?” Oikawa bewilderedly asked, removed his hand from Tobio’s arm, allowing it to fall flat against Tobio’s side.

“Yeah, Shouyou lives the other way, so we couldn’t walk together,” Tobio explained, feeling awkward with how close he was to Oikawa, and the eye that Oikawa seemed to slowly drag his eyes down his body, it made him feel weirdly self-conscious.

“Now, now, don’t you know it’s not safe for cute first years to walk home alone this late? Even if Tobio-chan is the most annoying, un-cute cute first year,” Oikawa huffed, folding his arms across his chest and staring intensely at Tobio, making him feel so small even though he and Oikawa were almost the same height.

It almost made him miss what Oikawa had just said, “wait what?”

“Geez Tobio-chan, you really are lucky that I’m here, now let’s go.”

“Go where?”

“I’m walking you home, of course, your captain and team would kill me if I let anything happen to you”

Tobio just stood still and kept confusingly blinking, unnerved by the entire experience, and having no idea what to do.

Oikawa decided that enough was enough and grabbed Tobio’s wrist and started to pull him in the right direction, before Tobio realised what was happening and determinately removed Oikawa’s hand, causing the other man to frown at his actions.

Yet, he seemed to return to his previous state when he noticed that while Tobio had taken back his hand, he hadn’t moved away from the third year, letting their shoulders touch softly at times.

“You know where I live?” Tobio asked after a few minutes of silence, it had become so awkward that even he could pick up on it.

Oikawa rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his jacket pocket “Of course, I was with Iwa-chan when you sent the text with it.”

“Oh,” Tobio swallowed nervously before continuing, he didn’t know how to approach or talk about any of this “I didn’t know you knew about Iwaizumi tutoring me.”

“He wouldn’t keep something like that a secret from me, Tobio-chan, but you understand that, don’t you?”

Tobio closed his eyes and thought of bright orange hair, a wicked smile and an even worse tongue. “Yeah, I understand, I just, just didn’t expect you to allow him.”

Oikawa stopped abruptly, looking at Tobio with narrow eyes, enjoying the way that his underclassman had tensed under his gaze.

“Listen, Iwa-chan is his own person he is not mine to command or allow, that is not how our friendship works. I do not control my friends like that, I’d never be happy if my friends thought they could do something only with my permission,” Oikawa’s tone was sharp and harsh, it was low and whispered but it felt so loud to Tobio.

He could only follow as Oikawa started walking again, unsure of what he should say.

“Besides,” Oikawa mused as they walked, his face having returned to one of slightly happy indifference “I thought it would be a good idea if he taught you, and it seems like I was right.”

Tobio felt his face get hotter and instantly prayed that the darkness gave enough cover, so that Oikawa wouldn’t notice the blush that had started to spread across his cheeks.

The rest of the walk was spent in silence from both boys, however it no longer felt as awkward as it had been before, and before Tobio could say any more he was standing outside his house.

“Right, well here we are, off you go,” Oikawa began softly pushing him towards the gate.

Tobio just nodded and walked through it, taking slow steps towards his door, hoping that if he were slow enough either he or Oikawa would get enough courage to say more.

Twisting his key in the lock, he accepted that this was it and that he should probably thank him and say goodnight, if he was still waiting by the gate.

“Tobio-chan”

Tobio abandoned the keys in the lock and turned around, observing the way Oikawa’s face and posture had suddenly become far more serious, even his voice had sounded more serious than Tobio had ever heard.

“Iwa-chan told me he apologized to you, should I do it now as well,” Oikawa was only focused on Tobio, observing every little movement and reaction.

“I don’t, no, not yet,” Tobio started, having taken a few second to collect himself before answering, “I don’t want to hear your apology now, because I don’t think you’re ready to give it nor do I think I’m ready to receive it. The truth is I want to let go of middle school, I can’t forget what happened, but I’d like to leave it behind. But I’m not there yet, Iwaizumi was different, but I’m not yet ready to forgive you, no matter how much I may want to. You’re still the setter I admire the most, and Kindaichi and Kunimi were supposed to be my first friends, you all meant more than Iwaizumi. I want to talk, to discuss, maybe just maybe even forgive and all, but-“

“Not yet,” Oikawa interrupted softly, leaning over the gate as their eyes met.

“Is it wrong?”

Oikawa snorted and shook his head, “No, I think it might be for the best. Honestly, I don’t even think I’m ready for this conversation yet, because I don’t think I fully even want to acknowledge it yet, but I will someday” He lifted himself off the gate and turned around to walk away, having reconsidered, he faced Tobio once more over his shoulder.

“Goodnight Tobio-chan,” He smirked, turning his head back the other way.

“Goodnight Oikawa and thank you for walking me home,” Tobio hurryingly called out, before he could get too far away, satisfied only when Oikawa gave a small wave as he continued walking back.

As Tobio threw his things on the floor, he couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said.

Forgive them? Did he really want to? should he?

He thought back to first year in middle school before Oikawa started to see him as a threat and realised just how happy he had been in those few weeks.

In the end, everything would come down to how the discussion would go, and if it would even come.

He would have to get ready for them as well, he thought he was, but hearing Oikawa ask, he knew that it couldn’t happen yet. It was too soon, too much.

Maybe that was what went wrong when he apologized to Kindaichi after the first practice match.

It didn’t take long for Tobio to realise that he should probably make something to eat, and that he should text Shouyou that he had come home safely.

**(21:16) Hey, dumbass I’m home**

_(21:19) I’m back too! That was fun! Cant wait for finals to be over so we can do that again!!_

Shouyou’s use of exclamation marks was hilarious, it was so much like him, Tobio thought before he answered.

**(21:20) Yeah, can’t wait, goodnight**

_(21:21) Goodnight Bakayama!_

Tobio snorted as he read the message, putting his phone away and walking to the kitchen for food, if he was lucky, he still had some leftovers.

It was only as Tobio had sat down to the table, that his eyes widened as he realised that he at some point needed to tell Shouyou about the meeting with Oikawa.

“Fuck,” He exhaled and buried his face in his hands, letting his head rest there for a while before he looked back up “well, at least it wasn’t a meeting with Kindaichi and Kunimi, it should be fine,” he shrugged and went back to his food, that was a problem for later and right now he was just hungry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, at this point, even i'm confused if Hinata and Kageyama's friendship is the ultimate bromance or just not quite that platonic in my own fic. Gonna be honest, writing this chapter made me want to write HinaKage so badly. But we got some surprise interactions, and an appetizer for some Oikage. But seriously Oikawa, be true to your own feelings!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! And that you are all doing well mentally and physically, and that you are keeping safe!


	6. White Iris

Tobio had never been sure whether he trusted too much and easily or if he trusted too little and too few.

He used to think that he had a good intuition with who to trust, but after middle school, he wasn’t quite as sure anymore. He understood that, perhaps he had never been good with other people, often being described as too intense.

He didn’t understand why they said it as though it was a bad thing.

Was it so wrong of him to want something so badly that he was willing to fight for it?

How could it be wrong when he had always known that volleyball was what he wanted; he knew what he was training for. It didn’t matter that everyone kept telling him, he was a genius.

It made it sound like everything he did, was just natural, that it was just a talent and nothing else. He could admit that, sure, he had some kind of talent when it came to volleyball.

Some of it had come to him naturally, his precision seemed to have been there since day one. However, he had continually fought for his own abilities to evolve, so that he would be able to utilize his talent.

So, he kept practicing his sets, tosses and serves, kept making mistakes and errors until they slowly became fewer and far in-between.

Until his own acquired skill had started to match his talent.

It had never only been talent, he just kept pushing himself further and further, until everything had started to blend so seamlessly, to the point where they started to call him a genius.

They didn’t understand it, they didn’t see the bruises and colours that had decorated his skin for so long. They hadn’t watched colours fade and intertwine on pale skin, no one had witnessed the way it kept appearing beneath his clothes.

These people hadn’t been there to watch as Tobio traced the bruises every day in the mirror. No one but him had watched the flowers on his thighs and arms, that seemed to grow in the middle of the night. How they start out as beautiful red camellias, before turning into sorrowful purple belladonnas and hopeful blue irises, finally transforming into bright and lively yellow sunflowers.

He couldn’t count how many hours he had spent softly tracing them, recognising them as symbols and trophies of his dedication and training.

How each colour and flower had felt and looked different on him, yet each had been so undeniably satisfying and beautiful to discover blooming.

It had become his own secret garden, filled only with his favourite flowers. Even now, when there weren’t always flowers growing, he had come to treasure the moments when he would be able to trace the patterns once more.

No one had acknowledged how hard he worked to achieve his skill, so he simply stopped trying to convince them, stopped attempting to trust them, no matter how much he had wanted to beforehand.

He wanted, so badly, to trust other people, but they had never trusted him. For years, he was desperate for some kind of sign of trust and approval from his teammates, something that showed that he was accepted.

It never happened.

At that point, it had clicked for him. It wasn’t that he trusted other people, but he had believed them, hadn’t doubted anything that he was told, just blindly followed and been too naive.

Yet, he had never trusted them with his own feelings, with his thoughts and his deepest desires.

He never questioned others, and he was grateful that others didn’t care enough to question him.

Well, he didn’t believe that he would meet someone who he would trust wholeheartedly, but he had.

However, watching as Shouyou kept banging his head on his table and whining, he somehow wished that fate had chosen someone else for him to trust.

“How long are you going to do that?”

“You don’t get it, Yamayama! You passed all your finals, but now I have to do a re-exam, so I’m going to miss some of camp.”

Rolling his eyes, Tobio walked over to Shouyou and hit him in the back of the head “You’re going to miss like half a day or something, not half of the camp, get yourself together.”

“That’s so easy for you to say, you actually passed everything!”

“You’ve said that already.”

“I know, but I’m in shook, how could you pass but I couldn’t?”

“Iwaizumi.”

“Yeah okay, that makes sense.”

Tobio continued to watch as Shouyou banged his head a few more times, before finally seeming to have reached the conclusion that it didn’t help.

The setter reached for Shouyou’s wrist, dragging him off the chair and towards the stairs, leading the way to his room.

Tobio wasn’t surprised to hear Shouyou whine about being manhandled, as he pushed him onto the bed.

Quickly sitting across from Shouyou, as the middle blocker sat upright as well.

Tobio decided that the easiest way to tell Shouyou the truth, was to just get it out as quickly as he could and hope for the best.

“I talked to Oikawa-san the other day, he walked me home and asked if I wanted him to apologize now as well.”

Shouyou’s smile disappeared when Tobio mentioned Oikawa, instead a thin, tight line had formed where his signature grin normally was. He nodded as though he was encouraging Tobio to continue, even if he couldn’t get his mouth and tongue to cooperate to get it out.

“I told him I wasn’t ready for his apology yet, because his would mean more to me than Iwaizumi’s did. I told him I wanted to be ready for it, like mentally, so we could actually talk, and maybe even forgive him.”

Tobio heard Shouyou kiss his teeth, showing his clear disapproval at what Tobio had told the older setter, yet he didn’t interrupt him further.

Tobio started to fidget in his seat, letting his hands run over the soft covers, to distract him from the conversation.

“He replied that he thought it was a good idea, because he hadn’t really processed the situation yet. So, he isn’t ready for it,” Tobio finished, keeping his eyes firmly on the bed, avoiding the disappointment he was sure that Shouyou’s golden gaze would hold.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Gulping, he gripped the covers harder “you’re disappointed in me.”

“Why would I be disappointed?”

Suddenly, the flowers were no longer on his skin but in his throat, cutting off whatever words his vocal cords would have liked to form. Stopping him from making any more than a choked sound in the back of his throat.

“Tobio, won’t you look at me?”

Tobio felt his hand being removed from the covers, now being cradled by calloused hands.

Calloused hands, that he would have been able to identify, even if he didn’t know that it was Shouyou sitting in front of him.

He had grown familiar with those hands, that he so often had held and tried to care for.

“Tobio, why would I be disappointed in you?” Shouyou softly asked, his tone evoking an emotion opposite to the one Tobio had felt when he saw Shouyou’s reaction to him mentioning Oikawa.

“Because I wanted to forgive him? I want to leave it in the past,” admitted Tobio, still refusing to look at his best friend, yet gripping his hand to reassure himself.

“Isn’t that natural? You’re human, and more than that, you’re so confused by everything going on, aren’t you?”

Tobio furrowed his brows at the wording. Was he confused?

“You’re finally starting to be true to yourself, to fully acknowledge what happened to you. You’ve said you wanted to move on, but suddenly they are back in your life and they want to be a part of it. So, you’re trying to hold on instead of moving on, have they allowed you time to heal and think without their influence in your life?”

Tobio swore he could hear his brain start working.

He hadn’t really been given time without them, had he?

No, he hadn’t. The few weeks between graduating middle school and the training match at Aoba Johsai, that had been without any of them.

Then Oikawa had demanded the match, had told Tobio that he couldn’t wait to beat him, Kindaichi had told him that they were never friends.

Those declarations making an impact on him, keeping all of them secured in his mind and heart, barring Tobio from moving on. With it coming to an end with Inter-high, where he had lost.

Where he had confessed to Shouyou that he knew that everything with them kept him from moving forward. That he couldn’t let go of what had happened, how he kept fixating on his relationship with them, how he hadn’t acknowledged what had happened.

He confessed because he wanted to move ahead, to let go of the pointless chase that he had been on for years.

So, why did they come back just as he wanted to leave them behind? Why had they come back, just in time to make Tobio forget what he had promised himself, that he would allow himself to go on.

How did he continue to let their presence influence him so much?

“Tobio, won’t you let me in?” Shouyou asked, having been witness to Tobio’s inner breakthrough.

“I’ve never had time to process it, I want to have time,” Tobio replied, finally removing his eyes from the bed, and looking right at Shouyou, with wide and unfocused eyes.

“Yeah, I know, whatever you choose to do after that, I’ll support. But, not now, not when you haven’t had time to rediscover yourself without them yet. When you’ve done that, then I’m cool with anything you do,” Shouyou reassured him, quickly pausing, and pursing his lips, ensuring that Tobio was focusing his words.

“I just want you to remember who they are now, and until they can stop talking shit about you, both behind your back and to your face, until they can actually apologize and mean it, then I still want to beat them up.”

Tobio slowly nodded, finding comfort in Shouyou’s words. He was right, as far as he knew from Iwaizumi, they still made fun of him. Even though Oikawa had been nice, had made him feel secure and safe, whose words and seemingly genuine expression had made Tobio forget his uneasiness at being alone with the older setter.

Throwing away every sharp piece of history that had been shared between them.

Suddenly every memory that was sculpted by hurt, painted by tears and cruel words, that had been displayed surrounded by black dahlias, yellow carnations, and purple hyacinths, it was just forgotten.

How could he figure it all out, when one small trip had made him forget all he wanted to stand for?

He wanted to stand for himself, wanted to be the one who took control of his own life.

He didn’t want to forget any of the things that had carved him into who he was, he needed them if he wanted to recreate himself in his own image.

He can acknowledge what happened, he can process what it did to him, he can let it go and forgive, but he can’t forget what happened. It’s a part of him now, no matter how much he hates it, it’s a part of his being, and while he refuses to let it define him, it has shaped him.

Laying down on the bed, Tobio pulled Shouyou down with him, allowing them to lay on their sides, inches away from each other.

“Thank you, Shouyou.”

“You okay?”

“Right now, yeah,” Tobio assured, moving his legs to be intertwined with Shouyous before he continued “can I be honest with you? And you won’t judge me?”

“Of course, you can,” Shouyou answered, encouraging his friend to say what was on his mind.

Tobio hesitated, biting his lip, and shifting in his spot “I want to be angry with them, like probably angry, just for a little while longer, just before I start to heal.”

Shouyou snorted and started wiggling, moving even closer to Tobio than he already was, leaving almost no room between them.

Letting warm breaths gently caress each other’s faces, offering a grounding touch in an already intimate situation.

“I like that idea; I think it might be what you need.”

“Yeah?”

“Let yourself be angry with the world, but don’t let it consume you. Also,” Shouyou exclaimed, interrupting himself and shoving his head forward, knocking their foreheads together in a not-so-gentle way. “be with your friends, let us take care of you too. Okay?”

“Okay, but don’t headbutt me again, you asshole”

Shouyou had no need to answer, instead he just moved his head back, letting it rest on the same pillow as Tobio, giving Tobio the same dumb smile as he always did.

Allowing the silence and calmness to wash over them, leaving the boys to watch as the early evening glow settled on their faces. 

Tobio felt every last bit of tension leave his body.

Shouyou hadn’t been disappointed with him, hadn’t judged him for wanting to hold on to his anger for just a little while longer.

He was right, he could let this fire burn inside him for a few more moments, but he couldn’t allow it to consume him, to burn until there wasn’t anything left of himself.

The peace was interrupted only a few seconds later, when Tobio shot up from his position on the bed, leaving him sitting with a frantic expression.

Eyes shut and lips tightly closed, his hands gripped the end-strands of his hair, he spoke “I forgot to tell Iwaizumi that I passed all my classes, and he knows that my result would be out today.”

Tobio noticed that Shouyou had sat up in the bed with him, pouting because Tobio had stopped holding hands with him.

“Call him now then, it’s not that hard,” Shouyou explained, face turning into a teasing smile, leaning forward in his seat, “unless, Bakayama needs help with figuring how to call others.”

“Shut up dumbass, I know how to call others. Hand me my phone.”

Shouyou rolled his eyes as he reached over to the nightstand and threw Tobio’s phone at him.

The middle blocker started rearranging the pillows against the headboard, before he sat against them and pulled Tobio, so he was sat between Shouyou’s spread legs and forced to rest his head on Shouyou’s chest, allowing the older boy to rest his chin on Tobio’s head.

Tobio was only confused momentarily at Shouyou’s actions, the other boy had always been extremely affectionate, and it only increased when he figured out that Tobio quite rarely received physical affection.

Tobio hadn’t responded well to the affection at first, feeling too exposed to react with anything other than anger. However, after Shouyou’s countless and persistent affectionate actions, Tobio had started to accept it, realizing that the various kinds of touches did soothe the howling winds in his mind.

After that, it hadn’t taken long for Tobio to notice that, his shoulders were no longer as tense when people approached.

That touching and being touched wasn’t dreaded anymore, instead he found comfort in the actions of his friends.

He found comfort in the way that Shouyou’s hugs grounded him in his anxious thoughts.

He had discovered relief when Suga ruffled his hair at the end of practice, and Asahi gave him one of his big smiles when he hit his tosses.

The unexpected joy when Daichi would slip him an extra curry bun before the team parted ways outside of the corner store.

He realised that he found bliss, both in the quiet encouragement and soft-spoken ‘good work’ from Kinoshita, Ennoshita and Narita, and in the loud cheers and violent high-fives from Noya and Tanaka.

The weird happiness he felt when Tsukishima would throw a milk box at him, saying he got it on an accident and Yamaguchi would follow behind and wink at him.

He continued to find himself at ease when listening to Kiyoko and Yachi talked, even when he didn’t really get it.

While he found a sense of comfort in alle of his friends, he knew that what he and Shouyou had, it was special, and it was just theirs.

Leaving him to wiggle in Shouyou’s arms to get more content, leaning all the way back so he was fully covered in his embrace and warmth, finally being able to text his tutor. 

**(18:21) I passed all my classes, thank you for your help**

(18:25) That’s great, I’m really proud of you! : ) 

(18:26) I knew you could do it.

**(18:28) Thank you: )**

Tobio could feel Shouyou straining to try and read the texts, not really caring if his best friend was kind of overbearing and hovering, Tobio angled his phone better so Shouyou had a clear view of the phone.

He knew that Shouyou understood why he moved, when the shorter man huffed a muffled laugh into his hair.

“I think that’s it,” Tobio murmured as he shut the phone off, preparing to put it away before a notification alerted him to a new message.

“Guess not,” Shouyou commented, moving his head upwards to look again.

(18:30) Shittykawa says to tell you, that you did good

**(18:31) thanks**

“I can feel you grimace, dumbass,” Tobio said out loud, having felt how Shouyou’s jaw had tightened and tensed against his head.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, just tone it down sometimes.”

“Meh,” Shouyou grumbled, clearly unhappy with having been caught and told off, “we still need to find you a better crush.”

Tobio blushed and stuttered at the last sentence, dropping his phone on the bed, and turning around in Shouyou’s arms to face the boy.

“You were serious?” was the bewildered responds that Tobio was capable of getting out.

“Of course, I was, you idiot! We need to get you a really cool boyfriend!”

“Right, how?”

Shouyou’s smug expression turned into a smile as he answered, “Training camp, there has to be some cool guys there.”

Tobio decided not to dignify his best friend with a reaction, instead continuing to blankly stare at him with a neutral expression.

“You could date Kenma, he likes guys too,” Shouyou exclaimed, face showing nothing but pure joy at his own genius idea.

“I’m pretty sure Kozume-san is scared of me,” Tobio deadpanned, remembering how the older setter kept avoiding him during their practice match and even hid behind their captain at some point.

“We’ll make him not scared of you.”

“Can we please drop that and just focus on volleyball at the training camp?” pleaded Tobio, knowing that Shouyou was going to be fixated on this idea, so he could make two of his closest friends’ date, and thereby constantly hanging out with them.

Tobio didn’t mind Kozume-san, he was an incredible setter, but he was pretty sure that they wouldn’t be a good couple.

“Fine,” Shouyou relented, not happy with his plan being shut down, but knowing it was futile to try and argue with Tobio when it concerned this particular topic.

Tobio narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out if Shouyou was serious about dropping it or not. He just wanted to focus on volleyball, he didn’t have time for his friend to try and play matchmaker.

Being content with what he saw in his friend’s eyes, he moved on to a more important subject.

“Are you hungry?”

“Absolutely.”

“Great, could you go down and check if we have anything in the kitchen? Then I can call my mom and tell her I passed.”

Shouyou just nodded at the request and hurried out of the room, motivated by the mere mention of food.

Leaving Tobio alone, to contact his parents. 

Dialling the number, he knew it wouldn’t be long before his mom picked up.

_“Tobio, how are you?”_

“I’m fine mom, I just wanted to say that I passed all my finals, so I can go to the training camp next week.”

_“That’s great, I knew you would be able to do it honey.”_

“Thanks mom.”

_“Now that I have you on the phone, your dad and I wanted to ask you about something.”_

“Huh, sure,” Tobio was puzzled, he didn’t think anything important was happening soon or had happened.

_“You said the training camp was next week, so we thought, that maybe you could leave a few days earlier, to come visit us in Hyogo before taking a train to Tokyo and going directly to camp? We already got permission from your coaches, so you could show up yourself.”_

“That sounds nice, I could spend maybe 4 days with you guys and then leave for Tokyo?”

_“That would be lovely, you can also finally meet the Miya family then. I did mention that the twins were sad that you weren’t coming to Inarizaki, after we had told them so much about you. I’m sure that they will be ecstatic to know that you’ll be visiting, especially Atsumu, he was so interested when he found out that you were a setter as well. I just know you’ll get along.”_

“Sure mom, that could be nice.”

_“I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll tell your dad you passed and that you’re coming. I will call tomorrow, so we can figure trains and such. Love you, bye”_

“Love you too.”

Hanging up, Tobio couldn’t help but feel excited for the coming week. He would get to see his parents again, and he would be at a training camp with different powerhouse teams from Tokyo.

He hadn’t had the opportunity to see his parents in person for a couple of months, none of them really had the time. Tobio wasn’t too keen on missing practice to visit his parents, and his parents work was very demanding.

They missed each other, but it worked for them, and that was the most important thing.

Tobio thought about how he would spend his days in Hyogo, as he walked towards the kitchen. He was certain his mom was going to make him spend a lot of time with those twins, so he only hoped his mom was right and that they would get along.

“Did you find anything to eat?” he asked as he walked into the kitchen, watching as Shouyou shook his head while sitting on the countertop.

“Guess, we’re going out to eat then.”

“Yes, let’s get ramen.” Shouyou demanded as he hopped off the counter and practically jumped towards Tobio.

“What, why?”

“We got curry last time, so I want ramen this time.”

“Fine.”

Walking towards the place that Shouyou had chosen, Tobio chose to just listen to him talk for most of the time. Though, he supposed that he should tell him that he was going to Hyogo.

“I’m going to visit my parents in Hyogo before the camp, I’ll be leaving in 3 days so I can spend a few days with them.” Tobio suddenly exclaimed when Shouyou paused in his rambling.

“Oh, that’s cool, are you going directly to Tokyo from Hyogo then?” Shouyou questioned, happy that his setter would finally see his family again.

“Yeah.”

“Can I come? I want to meet your parents.”

Tobio stopped in his tracks and looked dumbfoundedly at Shouyou, raising an eyebrow as the other simply continued to wait for an answer to his question.

“Are you that dumb, you have a re-exam,” Groaned Tobio, as he got tired of waiting for an actual response.

Shouyou’s eye widened as he uttered his reply.

“I forgot about that.” 

Tobio just kept walking and rolled his eyes, not slowing down as he heard Shouyou yell at him to slow down and figure out how to help him with his re-exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure, you can guess just who is getting introduced next chapter, some of you might even have been waiting for it. I just hope it doesn't seem rushed.  
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope I didn't ramble too much about flowers, I just love them and it was awesome choosing which to use for Kageyama, with their different meanings and how it connected to his experience.  
> Also!! thanks so much for all your sweet comments, seeing them always make my day!! I'm just so bad at answering them, but I'll try to do better!!
> 
> Red Camellia - love and passion.  
> Purple Belladonna - danger and deception.  
> Blue Iris - faith and hope.  
> Yellow Sunflowers - Happiness.  
> Black Dahlias - betrayal .  
> Yellow Carnations - rejection and disappointment.  
> Purple Hyacinths - please forgive me, sorrow.  
> Stay safe and take care of yourself and each other!!


	7. Coriander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! I am so sorry for the wait, but university was seriously kicking my ass. I am back with chapter 7, and I finally got my act together to actually name the chapters. And a special thanks to my darling beta, MissKiraBlue. (I'm putting a link to her works in the End Note, I would like to recommend the Every Tomorrows series for Haikyuu, and the In Nature Is a Tyranny series for Harry Potter. They're the best!!)
> 
> I love you guys!!! Thank you for the sweet comments, I really hope you’re gonna enjoy this chapter, because it is my favourite!!!!

The entire ride to Hyogo took about 6 hours. 

It started at 1 in the afternoon, with a 2 hour train ride from Miyagi to Tokyo. Then an hour layover in Tokyo, where he could get some food and relax. Lastly, a 3 hour ride from Tokyo to Kobe. 

Afterwards, his parents would pick him up and they’d go out for dinner together. It was the same procedure as every time he visited them.

He had spent the ride to Tokyo watching the nationals finale, to see exactly what kinds of teams could be expected at such a tournament, but at the same time also, to figure out who these Miya twins were. 

He had discovered that Inarizaki had made it to the finals, and while they lost, it had been clear that the match could have gone either way, considering how both Inarizaki and Itachiyam were blessed with nationally ranked players. 

At first, Tobio had focused on their number 11 - the guy who had been introduced as Miya Osamu. The opposite hitter was a strong player, but when he was compared to Itachiyama’s Sakusa Kiyoomi, it was clear just who the better hitter was. Miya Osamu was good, but Tobio couldn’t help but reluctantly think that he was slightly underwhelming, no matter how hard his spikes were, how perfectly centered his straights were, how the opposing blockers constantly tensed up around him. Tobio knew that it would be a pain to go against him, he never seemed to run out of tricks. 

Though, to be fair, he had been told that it was Miya Atsumu who was nationally ranked rather than Osamu. 

He had switched his observation to the setter after having been satisfied by watching Osamu. 

Tobio would deny that his breath caught and his heart stopped, when he watched Miya Atsumu serve. 

Yet, he had sat in Starbucks, trying desperately to focus on watching people, and not google compilations of him serving. 

Tobio had been mesmerised, watching the sets, tosses, serves that Atsumu had produced, had been an experience in itself. He hadn’t been able to focus on anything but him. Though, everything the Inarizaki setter did, was quickly stored away and put up against Oikawa’s equivalents. 

He had quickly taken notice of just how similar, yet so undoubtedly different the two setters were. 

Something had shifted deep inside, as he watched Atsumu smirk into the camera. He had felt something new grow beside the heliotropes that had wrapped themselves tight around his heart. 

The heliotropes that had been just a seed when he first met Oikawa, those that had bloomed more and more each time Tobio thought of the other. The heliotropes, that Tobio was sure would never wither and die. They had gotten company in the small seed of a coriander plant, that Tobio was certain would soon grow.

 _And wasn’t that just an absolute nightmare,_ Tobio thought, as he got comfortable on the train to Kobe. 

That was not how it was supposed to go. 

He wasn’t supposed to have felt anything other than a rivalry, as he had watched the second year setter continue to secure points. He wasn’t supposed to have new flowers claim a space in his heart and mind, their seeds occupying a space that was already being filled with fully bloomed, and vibrant heliotropes.

Although, lately it had felt like the flowers had loosened their grip, allowing him to breathe freely instead of feeling suffocated. For the first time in years, the flower no longer felt like a parasite, using his blood as water, trading his life for its own. 

The flower felt like a blessing in its rawest and truest form.

So why, why did a new seed have to invade his garden?

“Goddamn it,” he muttered as he fished his phone out of his bag, in desperate need of a distraction and he knew just what would stop his overthinking. 

The very group chat that he had ignored for 2 hours. 

The Karasuno chat that was currently blowing up.

 **Captain:** So, once more, no pudding pyramids in the gym.

 **Captain:** And no more soda cannons, I see you typing Noya.

 **Guardian:** ……….. It would have been fun!!!

 **ViceCap:** we could have done it again, at least, just to film it 

**Ace:** Please no

 **Captain:** Look at that!

 **Captain:** You’ve given Asahi anxiety!

 **AverageBlocker:** That’s just how he is, nothing new about that.

 **Guardian:** YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

 **TinyFreak:** Yeah!!, you got a problem!?!?

 **Ace:** Please do not fight!

 **ViceCap:** Fight!

 **MvP:** Yeah!!! Fight!

 **Captain:** Fight and you’ll run 30 laps around the school. 

**ViceCap:** No fighting guys!

 **GreenPinch:** You say as if you weren’t down for it just a few seconds ago?

 **ViceCap:** i’ll make you run those laps 

**GreenPinch:** ……………

 **TallFreak:** have you guys watched the nationals finals?

Tobio hadn’t even registered what he wrote until after it was sent, and he was left looking at his screen with wide eyes.

 _Well, there goes the distraction plan,_ he thought, throwing his head back against his seat as he cursed himself for his own stupidity. 

**Captain:** No, not yet, is it good?

 **TinyFreak:** Yeah!! and those cool twins in Inarizaki!!!

 **TinyFreak:** they’re the ones that Tobio’s mom knows

 **TinyFreak:** so he’s gonna spend time with them this week!!!!

 **Guardian:** DVNKSJVL YOU GONNA SPEND TIME WITH A FINALIST TEAM

 **Guardian:** THAT’S GREAT!!

 **MvP:** Learn all of their secrets and then tell us!!!

 **MvP:** Then we can beat them!!!!

 **Captain:** No.

 **Ace:** Are these twins that good?

 **ViceCap:** apparently! i just googled them

 **ViceCap:** Miya Osamu the grey haired one is a mean hitter!

 **ViceCap:** BUT!!

 **ViceCap:** Miya Atsumu is ranked as the best high school setter!

 **Ace:** Oh no

 **AverageBlocker:** Great, the king is gonna hang out with other volleyball freaks

 **Captain:** Well, maybe he could get new friends

 **TallFreak:** I am right here

 **GreenPinch:** do you know anything about them?

 **TallFreak:** they’re hot

 _Oh no, no, no, fuck,_ panicked Tobio, he should really use some of the braincells that he was suppose to have.

 **TallFreak:** NO!

 **TallFreak:** NO!

 **ViceCap:** Oh!

 **TinyFreak:**!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Captain:** I see

 **TallFreak:** It was an accident! i didn’t mean to write it

 **AverageBlocker:** But do you mean it king?

 **TallFreak:** go die in a ditch you fucker

 **TinyFreak:** SO you do!!!

 **Guardian:** Kageyama!!!!!!!! 

**MvP:** That’s our boy!!!

 **Guardian:** fuck them in exchange for knowledge!!!

 **MvP:** Seduce those boys!!

 **Captain:** No.

 **ViceCap:** Yes.

 **TallFreak:** No

 **Ace:** well um, do you find both of them hot?

 **Captain:** Asahi!

 **Ace:** just asking, since they’re twins!

 **TallFreak:** ……..

 **TinyFreak:** c’mon yamayama!!! Answer!!

 **TallFreak:** ……….

 **TallFreak:** maybe just Miya Atsumu

 **TinyFreak:** Oh!

 **ViceCap:** Ah!

 **Captain:** Hm

 **Guardian:** THE BLONDE ONE?

 **MvP:** THE BLONDE ONE

 **AverageBlocker:** Great, the king has a type

 **TallFreak:** i don’t have a type???

 **ViceCap:** Kageyama

 **TinyFreak:** he’s an older setter

 **Captain:** He appears to be equally flirty and serious

 **TinyFreak:** he’s like, really focused on winning when he plays!!

 **AverageBlocker:** He keeps getting beaten up by his hitter

 **Ace:** He seems to have a very mean serve!!

 **Guardian:** he seems to be a fuckboy!!!

 **MvP:** Yet in the videos!! he doesn’t care about the beautiful women that throw themselves at him!!

 **GreenPinch:** Doesn’t that remind you of someone?

 **TallFreak:** fuck

 **TinyFreak:** there it is!

 **TallFreak:** i don’t like him!! 

**TallFreak:** i don’t even know him!

 **TallFreak:** he’s just, maybe, a bit handsome 

**TinyFreak:** you’re gonna spend time with him!!!

 **TinyFreak:** you can learn to like him!!

 **TallFreak:** i hate this chat so fucking much

Tobio sighed as he watched the team start arguing over what he should do. It appeared that Noya and Tanaka were in support of him seducing the older setter. Suga and Shouyou were writing about how happy they were, although Shouyou was too enthusiastic about the situation, and Suga was somewhat borderline agreeing with Tanaka and Noya. Asahi and Daichi were trying to get the others to calm down, while Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were egging all sides on, provoking everyone more. 

He couldn’t help but be envious of Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita for not participating in the chat, the three boys were all busy with tutoring in the afternoon, when they didn’t have practice. Kiyoko rarely wrote in the chat, but she did read everything, and Yachi just kept forgetting her phone everywhere. 

_Why did i have to be this stupid? I have to start thinking before I say things._

Tobio put his headphones in and resigned himself to deciding to spend the rest of the trip relaxing, ignoring his phone and observing the continuous shift in scenery through the window. 

Hopefully the last 3 hours would be over quickly, not only was he getting hungry again, but he really had missed his parents and couldn’t wait to see them again. 

And perhaps he was just a tiny bit curious about the twins. 

_Both of them, or just Miya Atsumu?_ his brain smugly supplied. 

_Shut up,_ he replied to himself, overcoming the urge to bang his head on the back of the seat in front of him. He had already gotten enough funny looks from the elderly women that were sitting a few seats away, and he’d really like to avoid making them think that he’s some kind of idiot. 

It was easy for Tobio to get lost in the view and the music, it always had been. Making it feel like just a short trip instead of three hours, he just lost track of time. His only focus was the ever shifting colours of the landscape on the other side of the window. 

Watching it pass him by, calmed him. It brought a sense of tranquility into his frazzled life. 

Fortunately, that was able to distract him until he reached Kobe Station. Which was around the time when he slowly started to panic once again.

“Fuck,” he muttered as he grabbed his bag, intending to get to his parents as quickly as possible. He found comfort and peace in the fact that he could spend tonight together with his parents, allowing him to put the dread on hold, just until he actually had to meet the twins.

 _Yeah sure, the Miya Atsumu thing is going to be a problem for another day,_ Tobio huffed to himself as he walked towards the front of the station, where he knew his family would be waiting.

As he turned the corner, he felt his heart stop and his brain yell.

He felt coriander flowers tugging at his heartstrings, clogging up his blood. He swore he could feel them whisper against his heart. He felt the seeds prick at his skin. Violently reminding him that they were there, not that he had forgotten them. 

He knew what they were saying, he knew.

 _He’s here,_ Tobio sucked in a breath as he watched Miya Atsumu chat with his brother, as their parents talked on the other side of him. _They’re all here._

 _Oh fuck, oh shit,_ with those words repeating in his head, he tried forcing his body to move. He had to move, he had to get over there.

Tobio took a deep breath, silencing his mind as best as he could before he began to walk again. Slowly regaining some of his mobility and his so called sanity, trying desperately to school his expression to be as blank as possible. 

“Tobio,” his father’s eyes widened as Tobio came into his line of view, a smile present on Haru’s face as he waved to his son. 

Haru’s exclamation gained the attention of the rest of the group, causing everyone to turn their focus to where Tobio was walking towards them. 

Tobio could see his mother’s features soften as she looked at him. He had always been told that he looked and acted more like his mother than father. His mother was reserved and stubborn, while his father was more gentle. 

He loved how his mother was only truly soft with him and his father. How she’d randomly send him texts whenever she thought of him, even if it was just a split second thought, or how she’d just text him to remind him to drink water and eat fruit and vegetables.

He loved the softness of his father’s voice, how it would always calm him down. Tobio loved the wrinkles that formed around his eyes as he smiled, the way he would softly kiss Tobio’s temple after a match. He always laughed when his father sent him pictures of cats that he had seen, knowing that Tobio would like it. 

Kageyama Tobio loved his parents, and most importantly, Kageyama Ame and Haru loved their son too. 

His mother raised her hand in a silent greeting, a small smile on her lips in contrast to his father’s big smile. 

Tobio turned his gaze to the Miya family, offering a small nod to the parents in response to their big smiles, before he looked at the twins. 

Osamu had quite a deadpan expression, though that didn’t mean that he was disinterested, Tobio knew that from himself. He was sure that the only reason was that Osamu didn’t know him yet, therefore waiting before he cast judgement and decided how he should approach Tobio. 

Atsumu seemed just a bit more approachable, but with the hooded eyes that was looking him up and down, and a soft curl of his lips, Tobio couldn’t help but think that the other setter was seizing him up. 

“Tobio, was the trip okay?” His mother asked, gentle fingers sliding over his shoulder and arm, gripping his wrist only for a mere second before letting go and moving away. Allowing his father to pull him into a hug, soft lips tickling gently against his temple, reminding him of all the times it has happened before.

“Yeah, it was fine,” Tobio said lightly. 

Ame nodded, turning gracefully around as she now faced the Miyas “Tobio, this is the Miya family that we’ve talked about.” 

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you Tobio. I’m Miya Hikari, this is my husband Satou and our children Osamu and Atsumu.” 

Miya Hikari was a friendly person, presenting a big smile, with flushed cheeks and warm eyes. As she introduced her family, she gestured to each of them. Satou seemed more stern yet not unapproachable, it seemed like Osamu took after his father. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Miya-san,” Tobio tried to keep his tone softer than usual, but as he bowed he was certain that he hadn’t succeeded in doing so.

“So, Tobio-kun, I heard you’re a setter?” 

Tobio moved his head so fast that he was sure he was going to get whiplash, he blinked as he watched Atsumu show off his pearly white teeth with a smile, that certainly hid an unknown motive. 

Hikari pursed her lips, showing her barely concealed displeasure “Atsumu, I’m sure Tobio would like to talk about something other than Volley–” 

Tobio quickly interrupted “Yes I am, Miya-san your first jump floater in the second set of the nationals finals was incredible.”

Tobio watched as Atsumu’s eyes widened for a split second before they returned to their hooded slits, yet now they held a new shine and his smile was no longer as predatory. It seemed much more pleased, like the emotion was actually real.

“Thanks, maybe we could practice together this week, I might even show ya some new things.”

“Atsum–”

Tobio eagerly nodded his head at Atsumu’s suggestion, disrupting what Hikari was about to say, “If it’s not too much trouble, then please...” 

“Of course Tobio-kun, here let me take your bag,” Atsumu had moved closer to Tobio during the conversation, taking the heavy sports bag from Tobio’s grib with ease and swinging it over his shoulder. He wrapped his other hand gently but firmly around Tobio’s wrist and started to drag him to the exit. 

“C’mon, you guys are so slow.” Atsumu called out over his shoulder, as he continued to drag Tobio after him, witnessing the shocked faces of their families. 

Tobio looked back as well, but only focused on his mother’s amused grin as she watched the two setters. 

Ame rolled her eyes as she began to walk towards the exit as well, “You heard him, let’s hurry up, I'm sure Tobio is hungry after his long trip.” 

Tobio let Atsumu drag him towards the cars, trying to ignore how the coriander seeds seemed to have buried themselves in his flesh already. They had sunk deep into it , the root was there and it had been fed by the shine in Miya Atsumu’s eyes as he proposed practicing together. It had been watered by the blood in his veins whichwere already tending to the fully grown heliotropes. 

They weren’t blooming, the coriander blossoms weren’t growing yet, but the seeds had taken root. They had taken root, and if they were watered and fed, then they could grow. 

_And wasn’t that just terrifying,_ Tobio thought as he watched Atsumu put his bag into his parents car. 

“Oi, Tsumu c’mon, let’s go!” Osamu called out from their parent’s car, clearly waiting for his brother to return from putting Tobio’s bag into the trunk. 

“But I want to ride with Tobio-kun,” whined Atsumu, hand tightening his grip on the back of Tobio’s shirt. 

Osamu rolled his eyes as he muttered something about his brother being an idiot.

“Atsumu, you can talk to Tobio at the restaurant, let him have some alone time with his parents,” Satou gestured to the backseats of his car, motioning to Atsumu that he should come there now. 

Atsumu grunted and then he reluctantly nodded his head, turning back to face Tobio.

“See ya soon Tobio-kun,” Atsumu smirked as he slowly let his hand run from Tobio’s waist to his hip before going back to his car. 

Tobio could feel heat rising to his cheeks as he felt Atsumu’s hand go lower before leaving. If he concentrated, then he could still feel the lingering warmth supplied by Atsumu’s touch. 

He had no idea what he was supposed to feel in this situation, but it didn’t feel bad, so perhaps he could be allowed to indulge himself, just for a little while. He had known him for a few minutes, it wasn’t serious. 

It was nothing more than an infatuation. 

_Just mindless and simple infatuation,_ Tobio told himself as he sat in the backseat, trying to pay attention to his father's words. 

“I knew you and Atsumu would get along, you are just the right amount alike yet still different,” Ame spoke as they were parking, the trip having been filled with his father’s calming voice. 

“I guess so,” Tobio got out of the car, quickly finding Atsumu’s eyes as he stood next to the entrance.

Hazel locked onto blue, and Tobio felt himself shiver at the intensity that those eyes held.

The eye contact was only broken when Tobio felt his father’s hand on his shoulder, pulling his head out of the clouds, grounding him when he could have sworn that he was no longer on this earth. 

“Miss me?” Atsumu offered when they got close enough, lips curled up in a smile that could be described as mischievous.

Osamu snorted from beside him, “He was probably happy to be rid of ya.”

“Shut your trap,” Atsumu sneered as he tried, distrectly, to kick his brother in the shin. 

“Is one day without fighting too much to ask for?” 

Tobio watched as Osamu took a step back, avoiding Atsumu’s kick, just as their mother flicked both of them in the back of their head. 

Tobio figured that it was normal behaviour as neither of his parents commented on it. Deciding not to comment on it either, he just stayed silent as they walked into the restaurant. 

And, if he feigned disinterest when Atsumu sat next to him, like that wasn’t anybody’s business.

Although, he suspected his red ears might have betrayed him.

“So Tobio, we’ve only heard that you’re on your school’s volleyball team like our sons, what else do you do?” Satou carefully asked as the waiter left their table.

“I, uh, I work out, do cardio, play volleyball with my team on the weekends, or just hang out with them,” Tobio hesitantly answered, inwardly wincing at how awkward he sounded, although his tone took a backseat, he felt slightly embarrassed of how volleyball heavy his answer was.

Though, it was the truth. His life revolved around volleyball, and the friends that had entered his life and made it better, they were there because of volleyball. His closest and dearest friendships were created on the foundation of shared interest in volleyball, and it had just evolved from that point. 

“I see,” Satou slowly responded, eyebrows raised and eyes widened just a little but otherwise keeping his face neutral, “Well, it’s good to be dedicated to the sport, and be passionate about it.”

“Don’t your other friends miss spending time with you when you’re always with your team?” Hikari asked, face pulled into a smile that was supposed to be encouraging but even then, Tobio could make out the slight twitch in the left corner of her mouth. 

He hadn’t spent so much time watching Oikawa to not be able to pinpoint a faked emotion. 

“All my friends are on the team or play volleyball, so no,” shrugged Tobio, keeping eye contact from across the table, watching the quick movement of her lips that came from being chewed on. 

“Perhaps a girlfriend that might miss you?”

“No, I’m gay, so there’s no girls.”

“A boyfriend then?” Atsumu injected, elbow on the table as he rested his head in the palm of his hand, gaze focused solely on Tobio’s face. 

“No,” Tobio hurringly replied, looking to the side and meeting hazel eyes for just a second before focusing on the table. 

“Wait, you and Shouyou aren’t dating?” Haru asked as he looked at his son, eyebrows furrowed and mouth open, displaying clear astonishment at the fact. 

“What? No?” Tobio could hear the surprise in his own tone, narrowed eyes meeting his father’s wide ones.

“Sorry, you just spend so much time together, we just thought it might be more.”

“You do talk a lot about him, and he spends an awful lot of nights sleeping over, doesn’t he? So we just figured that you weren’t ready to say you were together yet.” Ame explained delightfully as she watched her son’s panicked face. 

Tobio shuddered at the implication of his mother’s words, “No way, he’s just my best friend, and it’s easier for him to sleep over when he has such a long way to school,” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes dad, why?” 

“I just think he would make a great son-in-law,” sulked Haru as he picked up his wine glass, ignoring both his wife’s quiet snickering and the rest of the table’s stares. 

Tobio groaned as the twins slowly started to laugh, this was not how he expected his first dinner with his parents to go. 

Luckily his misery and embarrassment were short-lived, as their food came out, leaving everyone to turn their attention to dinner. Yet, as Tobio tried to focus on his own curry, he swore he could still feel Atsumu’s eyes on him. 

His suspicion might not have been right, as Atsumu kept his gaze fixed on his plate. As he felt fingertips draw circles, slowly and ever so softly on his knee, he knew that he still held Atsumu’s attention. 

Tobio knew he should demand Atsumu to remove his hand, that he should lift his leg or move it, even shake his hand off. Yet, he couldn’t quite convince himself to do it, couldn’t deny the satisfaction that the attention brought him. 

It felt good to be desired, even if it wasn’t because of his personality. 

He had spent so long craving a different man, yearning the scalding sensation that could only come from the touch of another person. There had been so many nights that he had spent alone, too many nights that started the same way. That started with thoughts of turquoise and white, of brown hair and narrowed brown eyes, of nimble fingers and a wicked tongue, of rough hands and wrecked breaths. 

He imagined large and calloused hands gripping untouched flesh, imagined the king above him marking the skin. Dreamt of the handprints and hickeys that could taint innocent skin. Of the way that red carnations and purple hyacinths would bloom on his skin.

Thoughts of sinful groans and whispers against quivering lips, of a warm body pressed close to his. He fantasized about wandering hands and curious fingers, making traceable paths down his body, until they would rest on warm hips and slide across already tainted thighs, where the man had marked and kissed him, staking him as property of the king.

Those nights that always ended the same way, with a whimpered and ruined pronunciation of the name that haunted his thoughts. 

Unholy thoughts that had become Tobio’s favourite place of worship, where he’d envision the touch of the divine king that had blessed and cursed him. 

This wasn’t him, it wasn’t the man that Tobio had craved, but it was something, it was something that he had felt before. Lust was not undivulged to him, the way it could leave him breathless and gasping for air. These coriander seeds were not unknown, but this was the first time that the sensation had risen without him. 

Perhaps he hadn’t needed a distraction from Miya Atsumu, perhaps he had needed a distraction in the form of Miya Atsumu. 

So he let the hand stay, and he enjoyed the questionable attention. 

As he ate and listened, answering whatever question was thrown at him, he couldn’t help but feel a slight pressure in his chest. Because as much as he liked the feeling that Atsumu’s touch gave him, a small nagging voice in the back of his head told him that it wasn’t right. 

It was too quick, it was too right and too wrong. 

Was he that easy? Was it that easy? 

Shouyou wanted him to move on, but he wanted him to move on emotionally, and that wasn’t what he was doing. He hadn’t even switched his attraction, there was still a small whisper that made him think of Oikawa’s hand instead of Atsumu’s, when he closed his eyes and forgot where he was. 

_It’s fine, it’s okay, it’s just a step in the right direction,_ thought Tobio, even as he felt a heliotrope stuck in his throat, even as he felt the familiar sensation of doubt and self hatred sneak up on him.

Dinner finished later than it usually did when he visited, but he had suspected that much when he saw the Miyas. He was always tired when he arrived, so it was normal for dinner to be over quickly. 

He stayed in the background as the parents said their goodbyes, his inner musings interrupted by a hand trailing from his shoulder down his back. 

“So, Tobio-kun, did ya’ have fun at dinner?” 

Tobio turned his head to the side, Atsumu stood with just enough distance to not be questioned by their parents, it was deliberate and both of them knew it. Out of the corner of his eye, Tobio could see Osamu watching their parents with his phone out, and if Tobio had to guess, he would think that Osamu was keeping watch for Atsumu. 

Turning his attention back to Atsumu, he answered “ Yeah, it was nice, a bit tiring and much after travelling, but it was fun.”

Atsumu hummed at the answer, gazing quickly at their parents before returning Tobio’s stare, shifting closer to him to whisper directly into his ear “Well, maybe we could have some more fun later?” 

“You did promise to practice with me,” The younger setter bluntly replied as he leaned his head away from Atsumu. He knew what the other was implying, but he had to admit that the small seeds of buried self hatred made him doubt his approach to moving on. 

“Oh, right, uh yeah, we can do that,” Atsumu was surprised by the sudden switch in Tobio’s attitude, removing the hand from Tobio’s back, he reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out, “What’s your number? Then we can text and figure out something.” 

Taking the phone from Atsumu, Tobio quickly created a new contact with his number. He might have been uncertain concerning his infatuation with Atsumu, not knowing what he wanted to do, but that wouldn’t stop him from learning from Atsumu. 

He would have been an idiot to give up that chance, practicing with the best high school setter could change everything, their chances to win the spring tournament could improve if Tobio got better. 

He felt bad as he gave the phone back, he felt like he had led Atsumu on, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. It was confusing, how could it feel so right and wrong at the same time. 

He wanted more, he wanted everything that Atsumu was willing to give to him. But he couldn’t ignore the nagging feelings of doubt and disgust from his own indecisiveness, the thorns that were starting to bloom inside him once more.

“I look forward to seeing you again Miya-san.” 

“Yeah, ya’ too, Tobio-kun,” a lazy smirk, showing the pearly white end of a fang, hazel eyes darkened and narrowed looking right at him. 

In that second Tobio felt like prey. 

Walking back to his parents, he couldn’t help but take notice of his tone. It seemed more determined than rejected, like what they were doing was a game. Like Tobio’s confusing dismissal now was just a challenge, after he allowed him to keep his hand on him throughout dinner. 

“Tobio, are you okay? You were quiet the entire ride home,” Ame asked as they got inside the house, having taken notice of her son’s behaviour. 

“I’m just really tired mom,” Tobio took his bag from his dad, ready to go to bed so he wouldn’t have to think about everything that had happened that day. 

“Well then, goodnight Tobio,” was softly uttered as she kissed his cheek, caressing it gently afterwards, and then moving to allow her husband to do the same gesture.

“Night mom, dad,” he said as he went up the stairs, opened his door and then shut it behind him. As he laid in bed, listening to the faint sounds that came from downstairs, he felt something burning in his chest, and he knew exactly what it was. 

Most days he felt proud of the flowers that had bloomed during his growth, but sometimes, when the days felt too long and exhausting, when it felt like not even the sun or burning water could warm him up, when everything felt like too much and not enough at the same time. 

Then, he could feel the phantom touch of vines wrapped tightly around his throat, choking him until he no longer had voice to ask for help. 

He could feel the roses' thorns digging into his wrists, he could feel the thornbush growing once more in his stomach. He swore he could feel the wet warmth again, as the spikes ran deeper into his skin, forcing out the very same blood that had been used to water them before. The same blood that he had once given away freely, that he had personally used to make the vines grow, no matter how much it had hurt him. 

The few surviving shards of ice in his veins that threatened to freeze his blood.

The lingering presence of a cold and unforgiving downpour in his mind.It hasn't been that long since these sensations were normal, it hadn’t been that long since middle school. 

But there were days, sunny days where he would be dragged outside to run with Tanaka, days filled with light when the team would meet in the park. 

When the sun of the high noon felt nowhere near as warm as the presence of his teammates. Where even the rough and steady wind could not compete with the volume, and the amount of laughter that never seemed to cease. 

Where his mind was at peace. 

There were cloudy and days filled with rain, that were supposed to make him feel isolated and alone, yet the possibilities for activities were endless. These were the days where Suga would make everyone come over, where they would make a mess of the kitchen even though they tried to stay clean. 

Where the laughter would remind of the tranquility and happiness he felt when his grandfather used to sing to him. When they would be pressed together on the floor in the living, with countless pillows and blankets, and something playing on the tv. 

The evenings which were filled with food and laughter after practice, with comments and head ruffles. 

When they would be sitting outside of the convenience store listening to coach Ukai as he told stories of his team. Where even Takeda-sensei would join them, talking about his youth, listening to them talk as he would offer advice.

Then.

There were the cloud free nights, the nights when Shouyou would sleep over. Where they would bring covers, pillows and snacks outside and spend hours on top of the roof. They felt so insignificant as they watched the sky, yet at the same time it felt like they were invincible, like they were the only people in the world that mattered.

It was those nights where Shouyou would softly whisper into Tobio’s pale skin, where every thought that he had, had been said ever so gently into Tobio’s ear. 

Starry nights, when Shouyou would hold him tight as he caressed his skin, as his rough and calloused hands ran over skin and fingers carded through silky hair, as Tobio told stories. It was those nights, where Tobio would talk of the flowers in his garden, where he would explain their meaning. 

It had been one of those nights, when Tobio had told Shouyou which flower had grown because of him. 

Where Tobio had talked about the untouchable sunflowers and never withering yellow roses that he always felt the warmth of. Shouyou had just listened and tightened his grip, and the next night, he had presented Tobio with a bouquet of arborvitae, white chrysanthemums and purple and blue tulips. 

Everlasting Friendship. Loyalty and Devoted Love. Royalty. Trust and Respect. 

At that time he had wondered if he really was that bad, if that was how Shouyou viewed him?

But now, when the night was cloudy, with no laughter or whispered words, everything was different.

It hadn’t been that long, but in Karasuno he had forgotten what it felt like to hate himself. 

Yet, as he laid in a rarely used bed, with sheets he would never buy. Where it felt colder than ever, with the lingering touch of a vine stopping him from asking for help. 

Here, in this second, he remembered what it was like. 

And perhaps the scariest part wasn’t hating himself again. The most frightening part was that it felt like coming home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heliotrope - Eternal love and devotion.
> 
> Coriander - Lust. 
> 
> MissKiraBlue: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKiraBlue/pseuds/MissKiraBlue/works?fandom_id=136512 
> 
> Hope you liked it!! Stay safe, take care of each other and love youself!!  
> See you guys next time!!!


	8. Orange Lilies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I'm back!! sorry for the long wait, but unfortunately university and assignments had to come first!! I hope all of you are doing well and taking great care of yourselves, and taking care of each other!!! I hope you guys will love this chapter as much as I ended up loving it!!   
> Of course, special thanks to my darling MissKiraBlue, who is kind enough to beta this! Also check out her stories, cuz they will leave an everlasting impression on you! Her new fic Le Fabuleux Destin de Draco Lucius Malfoy is very much recommened!! 
> 
> Last thing!! The intended flower meanings and symbolism are in the end note, I hope you enjoy this!

Tobio had always been a morning person, one of those people that could wake up at 4-5am and feel completely fine.

So, why was it so different today?

Why did it feel like he was trapped, like a weeping willow had sprung from the ground in the middle of the night. It felt like the trunk and branches had grown around him, forcing him down until he swore he could feel the very soil that caressed the roots in his mouth. 

He could practically taste the dirt, feel the dryness of the soil slowly start to moisten as it hit his tongue. 

He wanted to dig himself up from beneath the roots, he wanted to get out from the wicked branches that had laid a claim on his body. 

He had to chop it up, he needed to tear it down, get the pressure away from his body as it weighed down, as it pressed the air out of his lungs. 

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t, because he knew it wasn’t there. 

Opening his eyes, he looked up at the white ceiling as he tried to remember what to do to ground himself when he felt like this. 

_ ‘My name is Kageyama Tobio, I am 15 years old, I’m a setter for the Karasuno volleyball club, my favourite food is pork curry.’  _

_ ‘I am alone and there is no weeping willow.’ _

_ ‘I am Kageyama Tobio and I love my mother and father, I love my friends, and I’m alone.  _

_ ‘I’m home’ _

He felt a lump in his throat, the cruel and unforgiving blooming of an orange lily, and as the flower planted it’s seeds into the flesh of his throat, he buried his face in his pillow and switched his thoughts to the truth. 

It had been so long since he felt that flower, he could have sworn that he clipped it. 

That he ripped the roots clean up and left nothing behind. 

He thought that he had thrown the old dirt away, that he had put new soil down so new seeds could be planted in its place.

So that the new seeds wouldn’t be tainted by the hatred of the orange lilies. 

Instead they had just come back. 

He couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t deny it, couldn’t bear more lies, not even from himself. 

_ ‘I am Kageyama Tobio, I love my friends and family and I hate myself, I am alone and I am finally home.’ _

He got out of bed, moving slower than he normally would, feeling drained and weighed down. He didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to go down and pretend that everything was fine in front of the people that he loved the most. 

_ ‘What a hypocrite I am’  _ Tobio huffed, moving towards the bathroom,  _ ‘I’ll lie to everyone around me but can’t lie to myself’  _

_ ‘Not even when needed’ _

Looking at himself in the mirror, he was thankful that he didn’t look bad. That he didn’t look like how he felt. 

He could always deny the mental aspect, but there was no denying how he looked like he was physically ill. 

His inner musings were interrupted by his phone going off. 

**(09:02) Heyy Tobio-kun!!**

**(09:02) It’s the handsome Twin** **(^_ <)〜☆**

**(09:03) samu is gonna go visit someone in town today**

**(09:04) and i wanted to go wit just to see our friend 2**

**(09:05) but i ain’t gonna stay the entire time**

**(09:06) so i wanted to hear if ya want to come wit**

**(09:07) then we could leave and have some fun after that**

**(09:07) (￣З￣)**

Tobio looked at the thread of texts from Miya Atsumu, took a deep breath to calm himself and soothe all the conflicting newly-sprouting flowers in his garden. 

The garden that had started to feel too small, and the flowers that now seemed too many. 

Too new. 

“Motherfucker,” Tobio mumbled as he dragged his hand down his face, this was not what he needed. 

He didn’t need this, how much could the universe possibly hate him?

Tobio gingerly slid down the door, he could feel his body shaking, he could recognise the signs of panic and hyperventilating. He felt his breath hitch, felt it stop right in the middle of his throat. Now there wasn’t just one flower constricting his airways, there were orange lilies and small coriander flowers. 

Etwinning so intimately and so beautifully, bright big orange lilies blooming in the warm and soft flesh, small white coriander flowers nestled so close to the orange, that it was hard to feel where one ended and the other started. 

There was something so cruel in how they seemed to block his air, yet at the same time, breathing so much life into him.

Tobio was so wrapped up in his head, that he barely felt soft tears threatening to flow down his face. 

“Shit, shit,” Tobio repeatedly muttered, furiously wiping the corner of his eyes.

He didn’t have time for this, there was no time for self-pity when he needed to get better. He needed to get better so that maybe they would win next time, so that next time Oikawa would look at him. He would look at him, and he would see Tobio. 

Worthy of respect, of blue tulips that grew vibrant and abundant. 

Worthy of a future, of pure and innocent valerians. 

He didn’t need heliotropes in return, didn’t need the red roses nor the almond blossoms.

Kageyama Tobio may love Oikawa Tooru, but he didn’t need him to return that love. 

He just needed Oikawa to give him purple hyacinths, he just needed him to ask for forgiveness, to apologize for all that happened. 

There was no other flower, plant or herb that he would demand from Oikawa Tooru. 

Wiping the last tears away, he got back up. He had to get better, and Miya Atsumu was the solution to his problem. Being taught by the best high school setter would change everything, he might finally get the recognition that he so desperately seeked.

_ (09:21) Hey Miya-san _

_ (09:21) i’d like to come with you today _

_ (09:22) and i look forward to practicing with you _

**(09:24) sure sure, practicing (^_ <)**

**(09:25) we can pick ya up in like 20 mins?**

_ (09:26) sure, i’ll be ready by then _

**(09:26) see ya soon Tobio-kun!!**

Tobio sighed, realising that he actually had to get ready, even if he didn’t have the energy to do so.

_ ‘At least, I’ll spend time with people that don’t know me, it’ll be easier to hide how I am’ _

Coming downstairs never stopped feeling weird, he had become so used to living in a house where the only constant was him. Yet here, the constants were his parents, and while he knew that a house didn’t mean a home, he never ceased to feel like a guest in the same place that his parents called home. 

“Tobio?” his mother called out, light and neutral, from the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” Tobio answered as he walked into the kitchen, seeing both of his parents sitting and relaxing at the table. A table littered with cups of both tea and coffee, with various fruits and bowls of rice. A table with a vase centered in the middle, bringing attention to the beautiful bouquet of pink carnations and china asters. 

The same flowers that were always present, the flowers that he had grown up with. Because he was his mother’s son and his mother was his grandfather's daughter, and for them, flowers were more than just decorative objects. 

For them, flowers were the feelings that they could not describe, and when those words got stuck in their throats as they tried, they could turn to the flowers for help, for the flowers could tell others the feelings and words that they were incapable of. 

Pink carnations for a mother’s unwavering love to her child, for the dedication she held towards Tobio. 

China asters for wisdom and faith, for the love that she had always shared with her husband. 

“Good morning, it’s unusual for you to wake up this late, you must have been more tired than usual yesterday,” commented Haru, a wide smile directed at his son. 

“Any plans for today? Would you like to sleep some more, perhaps just spend the day relaxing?” Ame asked, eyes gliding over the form of her youngest child.

“The twins asked me if i wanted to hang out and practice today, they’re going to pick me up in like 15 minutes or so,” Tobio shrugged, grabbing an apple and sitting down with his family. 

“That’s lovely, do you know when you’ll be back?” Tobio looked at his mother as he took a bite of the apple, shaking his head in response to her question. 

He had no idea when he would return, that hadn’t even crossed his mind. His mother only hummed and went back to reading the newspaper. Tobio found comfort in his father’s quiet singing to the music playing from the radio. 

For just a second, those raging orange lilies slowed their march, listening to an unfamiliar song sung by a familiar and soothing tone. 

But they would come back. 

They always came back. 

“Have you packed for the outing yet, Tobio?” His mother asked, eyes never leaving the paper. 

“I was going to do it now,” Tobio swiftly answers, unusually eager to get away from his parents. After getting an affirmative nod from his mother, he made his way upstairs, making a quick list of what he thought that he would need for today. 

He quickly threw some volleyball essentials in his bag, determined to make Miya practice with him. He had to crush any fleeting thought that Miya might have that was more intimate than volleyball. 

There would be none of that, he couldn’t entertain the thoughts and lingering touches of Miya Atsumu. 

They only served as a diversion from his goal, and he couldn’t have that, he needed to get better. He needed to become the best so that he could lead his upperclassmen further, he had to be better so that he would never let Daichi, Asahi or Suga down again.

For them, for his team, for Takeda and Ukai who believed in all of them. 

For his friends who pulled him up when no one else did, he had to show his thanks, and he would, he would take this team further and he would be proud to be a part of it. 

“Tobio! Atsumu and Osamu are here to pick you up,” Haru yelled from downstairs, aletering Tobio that his time was up, he had no more time to hide nor deflect. 

“Deep breaths, Tobio, it’s okay,” he mumbled to himself as he walked downstairs, not quite able to shake the feeling that he was walking towards his own execution. 

There was just something that told him that today wasn’t necessarily going to go his way. 

“Hey Tobio-kun,” Atsumu greeted as soon as he saw Tobio, smile lopsided and voice silky. 

Osamu just nodded from besides Atsumu, seemingly content with not interfering with whatever his twin was doing or trying to do at least. 

_ What is he trying to do?  _

Tobio thought, mind wandering before the small voice in the back of his head answered; 

_ ou, he’s trying to do you. _

“Miya-san, thank you for inviting me,” Tobio responded, desperately trying to keep down what he actually wanted to say.

_ Motherfucker, why? _

“Sure, sure, we’ll have some fun,” Atsumu replied, ignoring his twin’s scoff and astonished stare, “Ya ready to leave?”

Tobio quickly nodded, eager to get out so he could convince Atsumu to actually teach him. 

“We’ll be sure to have him back before dinner,” Osamu swiftly told Ame, not too keen on letting Tobio’s parents find out the real meaning behind his brother’s words. 

“Ah, no need, Tobio can just text me if he wants to stay out later,” Ame reassured them, ruffling Tobio’s hair as she walked past and back to the kitchen. 

“Have fun,” whispered Haru, softly kissing the top of Tobio’s head before letting his son leave. 

“C’mon, Tobio-kun, we got a long and fun day ahead of us.” Atsumu’s insistent tone left no room for objections, so Tobio just mumbled a soft “Sure” as he followed the twins out of his parent’s house. 

_ It wasn’t his house.  _

His house smelt of vanilla, lavender, and coffee, his house still held the memories made with his grandfather. His house was surrounded by flowers of all colours and meanings, old and new that had been grown at different times. 

His house was being used to make new memories with his friends. 

His house was built up by sunflowers and yellow roses, pink and orange tulips and of white heathers.  __

_ His house was home and this wasn’t it.  _

“Aran-kun’s house ain’t that far, so we’re just gonna walk,” Atsumu explained, walking besides Tobio, while Osamu walked farther ahead of them, “The plan is to just drop by and say hi, and then leave. ‘Samu there, we ain’t gonna stay long, so don’t ya worry yer pretty head about that, Tobio-kun.” 

“Sure, will we be practicing at a public park or somewhere else?” Tobio asked, moving a few small steps to the left, discreetly trying to put more distance between them.

Yet, judging by Atsumu’s raised eyebrow and side eye, he wasn’t as successful as he had hoped. 

Not that, that was a surprise. 

“Ya ever think about something other than volleyball, Tobio-kun?” Atsumu teasingly asked, decreasing the distance between them once more. 

The younger setter regarded the other for a second before responding, “Of course, but I do believe that volleyball is the most important thing.” 

Tobio watched as Atsumu’s eyes narrowed, he felt the atmosphere change with it, there was something more in the air now, something else. 

“Hm, I guess that’s a good enough answer, but in volleyball I’m yer enemy, Tobio-kun, so why do ya wanna play with me?” Atsumu asked, tone no longer flirty and playful, there was a darker more serious undertone. 

“Because you’re the best, Miya-san, and I want to go further, so until I stand in front of you on court,” Tobio swiftly answered. “I don’t see you as an obstacle.”

“Oh, and why should I help ya?” Asked the older setter, voice laced with irritation, and even with the small distance between them, Tobio could feel how Atsumu tensed up, how he no longer pretended to be all nice and pure. 

For the first time during their walk, Tobio turned his head to look into Atsumu’s eyes, “Maybe you shouldn’t, but I’ll be honest, I think you want to.”

“Why’d ya think I’m interested in that?” Atsumu supplied, a smug expression making its way across his face.

Picking up the pace to put more distance between them, Tobio tightened his grip on his bag, taking a deep breath to steady and ground himself before answering, “Because, I think that as much as you hate to admit, you’re intrigued by me and that’s a new feeling for you.”

For just a second, Atsumu stopped walking, wide eyes taking in the sight of Tobio’s back as he kept moving forward. Atsumu quickly schooled his face back to something more neutral, and started walking again, not keen on letting Tobio move too far away from him. 

“So?” Tobio asked as Atsumu walked besides him once more. 

“I got the keys for our school gym, we can practice there,” The older replied, letting the silence wash over them before he decided to break it once more, “But just know, I won’t be going easy on ya, so be ready Tobio-kun, cuz I’m going to show ya just what it means to be the best of the best.” 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Miya-san,” Tobio responded, happy with the turn that their relationship had taken. 

“Oi, Idiot and Tobio-kun, are ya coming? ya guys are walking way too slow,” Osamu yelled, becoming increasingly annoyed at both of them for taking too long. 

“Yeah, yeah, calm down asshole, we’ll get there,” Atsumu called back, kicking a stray rock on the ground in the direction of his brother. To which Osamu just rolled his eyes and kept walking. 

“Is it still far?”

Turning back to Tobio, the older setter smiled and shook his head, “Nah, it’s pretty close, around 5 minutes from here, ‘Samu probably just wants to get rid of us.”

Humming in response, Tobio decided the best he could be was just to keep walking, the quicker they made it to this ‘Aran-kun’s’ house, the quicker he could get to practice with Atsumu. 

“Aran-san is number 4, right? The ace of your team,” Tobio asked as him and Atsumu tried to keep up with Osamu. 

“That’s exactly who he is, we’ve actually known each other for a while, all the way back to elementary school, he was in fifth grade and we were in fourth,” Atsumu explained, expression becoming softer as he talked about his upperclassman, “and even though he likes to act annoyed with us, he has always taken the time to get to know us, to stay with us and just talk. About anything.” 

This was the first time that Tobio saw something so tender slide across Atsumu’s features, it wasn’t predatory, nor competitive or flirty, this here was warm and gentle. 

_ Huh,  _ said the coriander plants, hidden from plain sight and slowing in their pursuit and march, instead taking their time to bask in the warmth of a heart that seemed true to itself for just a second. 

“He sounds nice,” Tobio commented, watching as Atsumu’s expression switched, going from surprised to an almost reluctant smile, that somehow still felt real in the aftermath of his own words. 

“He is, he’s a, uh, a good teammate, I suppose,” he says, the smile not going anywhere.

Stopping in the middle of the road, Tobio watched as Osamu hurried into a garden barren of flowers, but filled with statues and trees.

“I’m starting to believe, “ said Tobio slowly, as Atsumu stopped walking as well, staying beside him as they heard a quiet voice greet Osamu, “that good teammates makes a much larger difference than I cared to admit before.” 

He felt Atsumu’s eyes resting on his face, on the rueful expression that Tobio was sure he was wearing.

“Maybe,” the older setter answered, hand moving up to rest on Tobio’s shoulder, squeezing it once before letting it slide down and grasp his wrist instead, quickly dragging him along to meet the ace of Inarizaki High. 

“Yo, Aran-kun, how’s it goin’?” Atsumu asked as he stepped foot in the garden in front of the traditional japanese house, interrupting whatever conversation Aran and Osamu had been having. 

“Hey Tsumu, I’m fine, nice of ya to drop by,” Aran said, an exasperated smile visible on his lips as he laid eyes on them. 

“Just here to say hi, and make sure Samu didn’t die on the way, Tobio-kun and I are gonna go practice, so ya won’t get to enjoy my company today,” Atsumu cheekily remarked, already moving away from the shin-kick that his brother was aiming at him. 

“Ah, Kageyama Tobio, the twins have talked about ya before, it’s nice to finally meet ya,” Aran turned his glance to Tobio, who gingerly bowed his head in the presence of the older man. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Ojiro-san, sorry for intruding,” said Tobio, trying to keep what he thought was a safe distance from the other player. 

“No worries, you’re not intruding at all, and Kageyama-kun please know that you don’t need to practice with Tsumu if ya don’t want to, he is very intense,” Aran declared, quickly raising a brow in Atsumu’s direction, who only shrugged his shoulders in reply. 

“It’s actually Tobio-kun that insisted on training,” Osamu mentioned, the sentence drawled out and voice low, looking straight at Tobio from where he was standing behind Aran. 

“Oh, well then, just remember to take care and take some breaks, it ain’t healthy to keep going without downtime.” Aran’s voice was stern and left no room for objections, so Tobio could only think that this was a normal occurrence for them, just like it was for his team. 

“Sure, sure, see ya guys later,” Atsumu replied, grabbing Tobio’s wrist once more and dragging him back out of the garden, leaving behind two minorly worried and exasperated volleyball players, who could only stare as the two setters left. 

“The school is like 3 kilometers or so from here, so if ya really wanna get to practicing quickly, we could just run there,” Atsumu suggested as they made their way down the street, hands in his pockets after releasing his grip on Tobio’s body. 

“Sure, 3 kilometers is a decent warm up,” was Tobio’s reply as he moved his bag to function as a backpack, to make running easier. 

“Just follow me, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu said before he started running, a teasing smirk present as he quickly turned his head to yell at Tobio to hurry up. 

Tobio didn’t hesitate before he started running, this was what he was good at, it was what he always did. He was used to running, he was used to the ever present ache in his legs after a long run, and he was familiar with the sound that the wind makes as it passes him. 

Yet, this wind was different than it normally is, these streets were unfamiliar and unknown, and the back of the man that he was chasing wasn’t the one that he was used to, it wasn’t as broad, this man wasn’t as tall as the one before him. 

And for the first time in his life, Tobio felt like he might finally be starting to catch up. 

He needed to reach Atsumu, and after that, he could reach the man that had stood there first. Catching up with Miya Atsumu was the key to reaching Oikawa Tooru, he had to reach them no matter what.

No matter what the orange lilies whispered in his ear, no matter how much the coriander plant sighed against his throat, no matter what the heliotropes sung behind the rib cage next to his heart. 

This wasn’t for them, this was for him, this was not for the flowers that had grown in him because of others, but for the flowers that had grown in others because of him. 

It was for the pink carnations, for the white chrysanthemums and blue tulips, it was for the bay tree and leaves that had been left for him by his grandfather. 

It wasn’t his garden, but those plants had left their seeds because of his presence, and he was thankful for the beauty that he could give, and thankful for their perception of him. 

How kind and beautiful they saw him, how trustworthy and loyal they viewed, how grand. 

Just as Tobio was a few centimeters from Atsumu, the older setter stopped outside of his school gates. Turning his head towards Tobio, in the same second as he stopped besides him. Looking up at the heavy gates that separated them from the gym, that separated Tobio from improvement. 

“Ya ready Tobio-kun?” The younger raised his head a bit, looking directly into harsh and determined hazel eyes, gone was the flirtatious glint that had been present before, gone was the reluctant tenderness that had been there when Atsumu talked about Aran. 

Right now, there was only a man seeking victory, a man seeking to protect his claim as the best setter. 

A man that would show Tobio what it meant to be the best, what it took to move forward and win. 

Narrowed blue eyes locked on to hazel, and with both setter’s heads held high, both determined to conquer and rule the court, Tobio answered. 

“I’m ready.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orange Lilies - Hatred   
> Pink Carnations - A mother's love  
> Blue Tulips - Respect and Trust  
> Valerian - Ready for what's to come  
> Heliotrope - Eternal love  
> Red Rose - Love  
> Almond Blossoms - True love  
> Purple Hyacinth - Asking for forgiveness   
> China Aster - Love and Faith  
> Coriander - Lust  
> White Heather - Protection  
> Sunflowers - Loyalty and Adoration  
> Yellow Roses - True friendship and Care  
> Pink Tulips - Familiar affection and Love  
> Orange Tulips - Understanding  
> White Chrysanthemum - Devotion and Loyalty  
> Bay Tree and Leaves - Wisdom, Victory and Courage. 
> 
> I hope you liked it!!! Again sorry for the wait!! Remember to take care of yourself and each other, happy holidays guys!!


	9. Gladiolus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I'm back rather quickly this time, and with a longer chapter!! I really hope you'll like it, and thank you so much for reading what I write!!  
> And thank you very much to MissKiraBlue for betaing and helping with this chapter, I have no clue what I'd do without you!!! 
> 
> Have fun guys!!!

Watching Atsumu serve in real life was completely different than watching it on a screen.

There was something so irritably incredible and beautifully aggressive about the way he did it. The sheer and clear concentration that shone through on his face, the downright serious expression that was laid bare, with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes, there was no trace of a smirk or a smile, only a thin line.

And perhaps Tobio desperately wanted to take back what he had said earlier, because right now he understood, he should have never said that they weren’t enemies unless across each other on the court. 

If Tobio felt like a prey yesterday in the restaurant, he felt more like a sacrifice today. 

There was no chance of getting out of this, and for the first time since Tobio was made aware of Miya Atsumu’s existence, he was frightened of him. 

Yet, there was something else there as well, something that Tobio had seen and heard many times before. In Shouyou’s smile, in coach Nekomata’s deep laughter, in Noya and Asahi’s playing, in Suga’s fond sighs, in Oikawa’s determined eyes, and something that he himself wore on his sleeve. 

Love. 

There was love spread across his face, so earnest and pure, so undeniably clear and genuine in his eyes, and on his face. Especially when he played volleyball.

He wasn’t just good, he didn’t have a reputation of a genius, what Miya Atsumu had was drive, and will, that no amount of money could buy. 

It was something that Tobio had too, but time after time his improvement, and will, had been reduced to only being a genius. 

This might truly be the first time that he felt jealous of another player, of another setter. 

It wasn’t necessarily because of Atsumu’s skills, but because he actually got recognition for it. That the evolution of his playing was credited to his desire to improve, and not just because it’s easy when he’s a genius. 

There might just be some bitter resentment there, but Tobio knew it wasn’t towards Atsumu himself, but rather towards the people who’ve said it. 

Of course, he couldn’t deny that Atsumu’s skills were incredible, there was absolutely no doubt as to why and how he was nominated to and became Japan's best high school setter. The raw and concentrated power behind every spike and the unbelievable precision of every serve, only reminded Tobio of what skills he didn’t have.

_ Yet. _

Although, there was something else that came to mind because of the serves as well, in the back of his head, he was reminded of something else he didn’t have, of something he couldn’t have. 

Because, even though Atsumu was better in terms of skills, in terms of how far he had come, he still paled in comparison to Oikawa. 

There was something that was missing. Things that were not taken into consideration; the steps, the facial expressions, the grip on the ball, the jumping, it was all wrong. 

It wasn’t right. 

It was great. 

But it wasn’t right. 

In a way, Tobio felt mean for thinking that It really wasn’t Atsumu’s fault, that Tobio’s brain couldn’t let go of Oikawa. That it was impossible to ignore the way he held his heart in a loose grasp, even if Oikawa didn’t know it himself. 

But after so many years, after all the words and thoughts, after everything that had happened, even now as Tobio was desperately trying to let go of him, of all the reminders of him, even the small but plentiful purple heliotropes. 

Yet, he was still everywhere.

And even though Tobio knew nothing would happen, there was some kind of comfort in clinging to these emotions, for so long they had been a constant. If he had to be honest, those feelings weren’t going away, they wouldn’t leave. 

Perhaps, he didn’t even want them to. 

But right now, they weren’t important, at this point in time they didn’t matter. What mattered, was training, practicing, and getting better. Becoming a setter that his team,  _ his grandfather,  _ would be proud of. 

“Did ya watch that, Tobio-kun?” Atsumu’s question broke him out of his trance, bringing him back to the gentle present. 

He suspected from the slightly patronizing and accusatory tone, that Atsumu knew that he had been lost in his own world for a second. That he had looked for a sanctuary that he could not find.

“Yes, Miya-san, your serves are very powerful, are they always that precise?” Tobio asked, voice more monotone and deadpan than he was used to. He started to walk up to him on court, after having spent the last few minutes watching the older setter, while leaning against the wall. 

“Hm, not always but often enough if there’s no distractions or interruptions, but if I just hit hard enough, then the opposing team won’t stand a chance. Not even if they try to receive it. But, yer an experienced setter Tobio-kun, ya should already know this,” and there it was, that glint in his eyes was back, and along with that annoyingly condescending voice which promised nothing, but trouble. 

“Now, Tobio-kun, let me see how ya serve, show me what yer made of,” Atsumu said, pushing a volleyball into Tobio’s hands and walking off court. 

Nodding slowly towards Atsumu’s direction, Tobio gently swirled the ball before serving, an act that had become a routine during middle school, one of the few things from middle school that he did not connect to malicious or terrible things. 

Tossing the ball in the air, Tobio prepared himself, ready to do a normal jump serve with as much power as he could muster. 

And with a loud bang, it slammed against the floor on the other side of the court, bouncing back up and hitting the wall before it finally settled down. 

“Ohhh man, ain’t that some power Tobio-kun, wouldn’t want to get in the way of that,” Atsumu complimented, whistling as he walked back on court, “But, ya know what’s wrong with it?” 

Not actually answering the question, Tobio just raised an eyebrow in response, watching intensely as Atsumu walked right up to him and threw an arm around his shoulder.

“Ya don’t really aim it all that well do ya? That wasn’t really a question, ya got some great power but ya still need to aim, gotta make sure both of them are up to part, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu explained, squeezing his shoulder as he talked, “Aren’t you the one that’s known for pinpoint accuracy? Does that just not exist when ya serve, does it only work when ya toss to others?” 

As Atsumu kept talking, Tobio could have sworn that his face was looking as though he had eaten a lemon, and he knew that Atsumu was taking pleasure in the reaction he had caused. 

Perhaps, he had been spoiled by his upperclassmen’s kindness, he had forgotten that there were some people that did not give advice or constructive criticism that easily or kindly. 

“Weren’t ya the one that wanted advice, Tobio-kun? Ya don’t look too happy about actually getting it,” Atsumu smugly questioned, frankly having a lot more fun than Tobio with their current predicament. 

“I might have overestimated your ability to be nice about it,” Tobio bluntly said, feeling weirdly happy when Atsumu only laughed at the rude response. 

“That’s fair, but Tobio-kun, I don’t believe in sugar-coating anything, if someone ain’t good I’m gonna tell them. I don’t have any use for people that don’t step up or can’t meet my expectations.” Atsumu explained, almost passively and matter of fact as he walked over and picked up one of the balls on the floor, swirling it before looking directly at Tobio, “Or people who refuse to utilize their full potential.” 

“What do you mean?” Tobio asked, experiencing an odd pulling in his chest, a vine wrapping itself around his heart and pulling it back, warning him that the last part was specifically intended for him, even if he didn’t quite understand why.

“Listen, Tobio-kun, I’m gonna be honest, yer cute in a weird way, but after watching some of yer previous matches last night when we got back home. I can say that ya piss me off with yer goody two-shoes kind of bullshit,” Atsumu sternly said, disdain clouding his eyes as he looked the younger setter up and down, going as far as to sneer when he reached Tobio’s face. 

Taking a step back in surprise, Tobio widened his eyes as he heard the clear animosity in Atsumu’s tone and words, as he watched the expression of annoyance cross his face, with those hooded hazel eyes and sneer. 

“What?” Tobio exhaled in shock, unsure of just what he was supposed to do now. 

“I watched some of yer old matches, both middle school and high school, and my oh my, what a difference there is in the way that ya played and the way ya play now. It’s almost disgusting how far ya fallen.”

“Excuse me,” Tobio angrily exclaimed, fists clenched tightly against his sides and with the same narrowed eyes as Atsumu. That orange anger made its way back, but this time it was different, this time those hateful orange lilies weren’t made by his self-hatred. They were watered by the hate that spilled into his blood and mind because of goddamn Miya Atsumu. 

“Now, now Tobio-kun, let me explain,” Atsumu slowly started, that same condescending smirk back on his lips as he witnessed just how quickly and how much he was able to get under Tobio-s skin, “Yer good, ya got the talent and drive to be great, so why the hell do ya play like this now? Ya don’t push them like before.”

Tobio was baffled, mouth and eyes opening and closing again and again, with no sound coming out, which Atsumu took as a sign to continue his speech. 

Sighing at Tobio’s perplexed expression, Atsumu ran his hand through his hair and started once more, “During middle school, ya actually pushed yer teammates to do better, cause if they didn’t, they wouldn’t spike any balls. But now, now ya give yer spikers just what they can handle, as though they’re the ones in control. Ya don’t push them, ya don’t try to make them better or make them reach new heights.” 

“Ya diminish yer own abilities to match theirs, when in reality, if they can’t get to yer tosses when ya play like ya actually mean it, then they shouldn’t stand there with you. If they ain’t willing to work harder to become better, ya would be better off without them, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu looked positively vindictive as he spoke, as he put down Tobio’s teammates, as he insulted his friends. 

Still unable to react physically, Tobio kept trying to process what he had just been told, not even flinching when he felt how close Atsumu had gotten, he just looked down at the finger that poked him in the chest, and listened as Atsumu delivered the final punch. 

“Ya went from being the king of the court, to becoming yer own generals and advisers’ whore, bending over backwards to please them. Ya could do much better, become so much more, if ya just threw away the ones who can’t live up to your skill, talent even.” 

_ That’s it, that’s fucking it, please forgive me captain. _

That was the last thought that went through Tobio’s head before he drew his clenched hand back, and punched Miya Atsumu right in the face. Causing the older setter to stumble back and fall to the dirty gym floor, desperately clutching his nose as he watched Tobio in shock. 

Standing tall and determined above him, surrounded by the light of the gym, with his head held high and royal blue eyes shimmering with the tiniest traces of unshed tears, Astumu’s first thought was that he was witnessing the quiet rage of a fallen angel. 

“You have idea what you’re talking about, you don’t know anything about me or my teammates, neither old nor new. You don’t understand anything at all, Miya-san,” Tobio shakily said, refusing to allow the tears to fall, to show just how much Atsumu’s words affected him.

_ He knows, you punched him in the fucking nose, he knows.  _

_ You’ve always looked so pretty consumed by rage, so beautiful when it overflows,  _ whispered the orange lilies pleased and approvingly in his ears. 

“You don’t know how it feels to be hated by everyone around you, how it feels to love the very same people that loathe you,” Tobio tried to keep his shaking hands steady, the pain from the hit still piercing the back of his hand, grazing through the knuckles. “I wanted them to be at the top with me, I thought what I was doing was right, but pushing them to be better, only pushed them further away from me,” Tobio coldly explained, not moving an inch as he looked down at the older setter, who was finally removing his hand from his nose. 

_ No blood, meaning it’s probably not broken, good, I might not get yelled at by Daichi-san then.  _

He felt his lungs ease, his shoulders fall down, seeing the damage was not as bad as he had thought. “I did everything I could and it wasn’t enough, I tried so hard and I failed. They abandoned me like I was nothing, and to them I might as well have been. I was cruel, a tyrant, I was the dictator king of the court, that no one wanted and everyone hated, they took pleasure in leaving me,” He stated, watching Atsumu’s eyes widen, and Tobio couldn’t deny the satisfaction growing inside of him, as he took in Atsumu’s almost embarrassed expression, cheeks red and mouth gaping. 

Tobio moved slowly, sitting down in front of Atsumu on the floor, getting his full focus before continuing.

“I was left alone on the court, publicly humiliated by everyone, I lost everything that day. The rest of middle school no one talked to me, they would just whisper ‘look it’s the king’ as I walked by them, I had no one,” Tobio said, softer than his earlier declarations, it was like he was begging Atsumu to believe him, to understand why he did what he did. 

“I had no one until Karasuno. Then I had a team. I had teammates, and suddenly I had friends, and a place where I could belong, where I do belong. We’re not weak, but we’re different, I don’t need to become great. Right now I’m striving to become good, I can’t compromise that,” Tobio admitted, and something tugged inside of him at the thought of his team, of his friends, and once more he felt that small grateful smile make its way across his lips. 

“I want to be the best, to take them further, but I’ll do it on my own terms. I love what I’m doing right now, and I can’t afford to lose them,” he finished, watching Atsumu chew on his lips as he processed what he had told him. 

For a while neither of them moved, neither of them said anything, yet the silence was deafening. Tobio got a good look at Atsumu while they sat, the older boy looked sheepish and ashamed, averting his gaze when their eyes met for a second. 

For the first time since he woke, there was no whispering in his ears, the garden was silent. 

It was tense, the heliotropes and coriander plant holding their breath against the inner corners of his heart. Even the orange lilies were quiet, no smart comeback or provocation.

Nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” Atsumu spoke, slow and filled with unease and shame, “I guess I thought ya were more like me, I didn’t really consider that ya might not be.”

“What do you mean, Miya-san?” Tobio asked, pulling his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, gently laying his head on top of them. All previous traces of anger gone, he had gotten it out, now he was merely curious about what Atsumu meant.

Tobio simply wanted to indulge Atsumu the way the other man had indulged him. Perhaps, the other setter could feel as free as Tobio did now. 

Atsumu stifled a small groan before laying all the way down, looking towards the high ceiling as he spoke, reaching his hands towards the ceiling, almost looking as if he was trying to grab one of the lights. “I’ve never really been that popular, not like Samu, sure girls and boys like me, but not platonically. I don’t really have a lot of friends. In middle school, my team hated me, pretty sure they despised me actually, but I never cared.”

Atsumu took a break, biting his lip as he contemplated how to move forward, “As long as I was the best, I didn’t care, so I let them hate me and I ignored it. But, I had Samu, even though we act as we do, he’s always had my back,” he lowered his hands down on his side, and said in a quiet voice, “he’s always been there.” 

Turning on to his side, he caught Tobio’s eyes, and there was complete understanding and acceptance in them. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Both for what I said, and for that ya never had someone like I did.”

Tobio found himself grinning into his knees as Atsumu’s voice became tender and soft, it was actually quite nice. 

He understood him, there was someone who could understand, almost exactly, what it had been like. 

He loved Shouyou and the rest of his friends, for all that they tried to help him, but none of them really understood what it felt like to be hated by everyone around you.

They couldn’t truly comprehend the panic he felt when someone voiced their displeasure with him. Just how cold and frazzled the world could seem when their voices changed, when he thought he had done something wrong, when he believed that history would repeat itself and that they would leave. 

That he would be alone once more, that he would have his happiness forcibly taken away from him. Even if he knew, he knew that these thoughts weren’t rational, that there was only a small, even non-existent, change that it would happen. Yet, his brain could scream and yell at him, not just during the harsh nights, but also during the days when the sun shone the brightest. 

He hated it, hated that there were moments when it seemed so impossible and hard to move on, when he got so fixated on the future and it’s unpredictable happenings, that he forgot that it was the present that mattered. 

The future was built on his present, and if he refused to take care of those around him, if he refused to take care of himself, he would lose that future. 

He had time, if he wasn’t dead yet, then he still had time. 

He can’t predict when or how some things will happen, but he can focus on becoming better now. That was all that mattered now. 

He couldn’t allow his own insecurities to stop him from enjoying his life. He was happy now, except for the few times his brain decided to ruin it, but he was determined to get back up. Determined to enjoy every single day.

Tobio breathed out, feeling a pleasant flower blooming inside him, pressing against every corner of his organs and bones. 

He felt the heliotropes grow, felt their caressing and comforting touch, he could see them clearly in his garden. They were overtaking unwelcome orange lilies and unwanted coriander plants, hiding the orange and green in the vividness of the heliotropes. 

“Are ya okay?” Atsumu hesitantly asked, staring at Tobio, eyes fluttered open.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answered. “It’s just, this is the first time someone can understand it. I guess it’s kinda nice,” Tobio cautiously admitted, feeling giddy when he watched Atsumu match his own small grin, both of them so unsure of just how to proceed from now on.

“I’m sorry for punching you,” Tobio sheepishly apologized, red flaring up across his cheeks as he remembered what he had done. He looked down on his bruised knuckles, slowly shaking his head.

Atsumu blinked a few times before breaking out in laughter, rolling on the floor as he clutched his stomach. His laughter being the only sound in the otherwise empty gym, it sounded rough and perhaps even hoarse, like it had been a while since he had last laughed like this. 

_ Maybe it has, who am I to judge? _

Even if it was hoarse, it was contagious, and Tobio couldn’t hold back his own chuckle at the scene. 

The last fifteen minutes felt so much like a fever dream. The mood switches for both of the volleyball players had been a turbulent experience, and with how fast and sudden they had changed, perhaps neither of them really knew exactly how to react accordingly. 

Not even to each other, there was something that had been discovered now, something that certainly hadn’t been present yesterday or earlier this morning. 

But this was much nicer, much more pleasant than the odd flirting that had taken place. 

They had been true to each other and to themselves, and for Tobio, there came a specific type of freedom and liberty by admitting these things out loud and to others. 

Maybe it wasn’t everyone who felt like that, but in this moment, on a dirty gym floor, in a city where he had only been a few times, with a boy who he had only met twice, he felt understood, he felt safe.

He felt like he had found shelter in the ongoing storm. 

_ Oh, this is new.  _

Looking at Atsumu, who was wiping tears away as the laughter slowed down, he felt something so completely different than the original coriander plant. 

There was something small but plenty, white and pure innocence, an abundance of tiny white flowers that grew in pile upon pile. Overflowing as they completely overtook the coriander plant, drowning the green of the coriander with deep pure white. 

Growing in between the many heart strings, tugging on them and burying their light red hue underneath white. Spreading around his body as though there was no obstacle in its way, settling among and between his ribs, until there was no place left untouched. 

Until it worked as a shield, protecting the flowers and people closest to his heart, making a wall that no weed nor unwanted plant could penetrate. Making a home against the others there, across the valerians and bay trees, across the yellow roses and pink tulips. 

It settled sweetly right next to the sunflowers and heliotropes right against his beating heart. 

It took Tobio a little while, but as he recognised the sensation and feeling inside him, recognised the warmth of a hearth, the feeling of being home and being safe, of feeling so protected and understood, he knew what this flower was.

Queen Anne’s Lace. 

_ Sanctuary. _

What a fitting flower for him, how fitting it was for Atsumu to get that when he was able to understand what it had felt like.

When he was able to offer him a place filled with compassion and understanding.

“I don’t think we’re gonna get any kind of practice done today,” Atsumu said, sprawled out across the floor once more, looking carefree and childish with his sparkling eyes and wide grin. 

“Probably not,” Tobio commented, now sitting with his legs crossed and arms folded in front of him. 

“Ya fine with that?”

Tobio nodded, “Yeah, I’m pretty content with what has happened today already. I think I’m actually happy.”

“Hah, me too, ya know, it’s kind of nice to have someone who gets it, though I’ve never let it bother me. I didn’t have the time to let it,” he said with such a gentle and thankful tone that Tobio almost had trouble believing that it came from the other setter.

“I think ya and I are gonna be good friends, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu continued, joy and a smile spread wide across his face. 

“Just friends would be very nice,” Tobio responded, glad that this was the end to his infatuation, glad that this was the specific direction and outcome to the situation. 

“Yeah, just friends,” Atsumu agreed, tone filled with satisfaction and content. 

“But, I still don’t agree with yer approach to playing,” the older setter said, almost as an afterthought. 

Sighing Tobio absentmindedly picked up a ball and chugged it at Atsumu before responding, “Maybe not, but I’m doing as I believe it should be done. Besides working together and making sure everyone is content is important. That’s what Oikawa-san always says.” 

Atsumu furrowed his brows and scrunched up his nose as Tobio talked, but as the younger boy finished the sentence, he abandoned his former position and moved so that he was sitting in a criss-cross position in front of Tobio. 

“Oikawa, that was the captain and setter of, uh, Seijoh? Right?” He hurriedly asked, gripping his feet as he leaned forward, regarding the raised brow Tobio gave him in return. 

“Yes, Oikawa Tooru,” Tobio slowly confirmed, confused and unsure of what had caught Atsumu’s interest. 

“He was good, saw the match between ya two, man, he’s a beast on the court ain’t he? Ya known about him for long?” Atsumu excitedly asked, curious eyes focused solely on Tobio.

“We, uh, actually went to middle school together, I really look up to him,” Tobio explained, glad that someone else also thought that Oikawa was a great setter. 

“I suppose he’s the one that taught ya to play like that?”

Tobio knew that there were multiple meanings to Atsumu’s words, one of them being that Oikawa was the one that taught him how to be a setter, and with the second meaning being, was he the one who taught you not to be demanding and commanding. 

Hesitating before answering, Tobio knew he had to choose his words carefully, “Not quite, I looked up to him, but I only ever watched him. He has never personally actually taught me anything, but I guess I just want to be as great of a setter and player as he is,”

“And ya think this is the way?” Atsumu asked, not quite as careful as Tobio with his choice of words, or with the blunt tone. 

“Maybe it’s just part of the journey for the right way, but I’ll get there,” Tobio answered, not softly but not particularly harsh either, sounding determinedly calm in the face of Atsumu’s own belief.

“Huh, guess that’s fine, take yer own pace and all that as long as ya keep moving,” Atsumu smoothly responded, standing up and walking away from where Tobio sat, “But, Tobio-kun, ya ain’t really fooling anyone, ya know that right?”

“What now?” Tobio asked, perplexed, confused about what Atsumu was going to criticise this time.

Turning around and smirking at the younger setter, Atsumu pointed towards the sitting boy, “Ya like him.”

“What?” Tobio loudly exclaimed, red rising again, he could practically feel the heat of his blushing cheeks, stumbling to his feets as Atsumu gave him a knowing nod. 

“I ain’t that dumb, no matter how many times my brother have called me an idiot,” Atsumu pondered, shrugging as he got back on track, “Ya like Oikawa-kun, Tobio-kun, and don’t ya try to deny that.”

Tobio nervously bit his lip as he stared at Atsumu, confident and irritatingly correct Atsumu, “How did you know?” 

Huffing out a laugh, Atsumu beckoned Tobio to come closer and poked his forehead when he did, letting Tobio grimace before answering. 

“Ya get this look when ya talk about him, not lovestruck or that kinda bullshit, all that cloud nine and glowing type of shit,” Atsumu explained all matter of factly, continuing as he saw he had Tobio’s full attention, “ya just look so carefree and light, content and soft even, ya had the same look yesterday, so I’m assuming ya thought of him at dinner.”

“Oh,” Tobio mumbled, averting his eyes as he thought about it, he wasn’t actually sure if Atsumu was right about him having some sort of look reserved for thinking about Oikawa, but he had indeed thought of him at dinner.

Oikawa’s face and hands were the only thing that had been in his mind when Atsumu had touched him. It had been Oikawa’s hands and fingers that he had imagined instead, and if Atsumu had noticed the look then and recognised it again now, then he might be right. 

“Hey,” Tobio felt Atsumu’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder, looking back up into hazel eyes, with no trace of hate or malice, only kind and non-judgemental, “I’m not telling anyone about him and you, if ya don’t want me to.”

“It’s complicated, and there is no him and me.” Tobio shyly admitted, secretly delighted at Atsumu’s acceptance. 

_ Delighted at his friendship, the haven that he offers you,  _ the soft white flowers smiled cheerful against his ribs. 

“No?” Atsumu raised an eyebrow.

“I like him a lot, but there’s some history, and some things that desperately needs to be discussed.” he paused for a moment. “And I don’t really think he likes me back anyway, so it’s not like it really matters.” Tobio shrugged, content with the current situation between him and Oikawa, after all, the man had said that he would apologize one day, and that they would actually talk about it. 

Tobio was fine with waiting, as Suga and Daichi always liked to say when he and Shouyou got rowdy while waiting for their meat buns; patience is a virtue.

Besides, he wanted it to be sincere, an apology, no matter how he longed for it, it would mean nothing if it was not sincere. So, he could wait, he would gladly wait for it to mean something.

“I see, ya know that’s really mature of ya Tobio-kun, I would’ve probably forced him to talk to me,” Atsumu responded, patting Tobio’s hair and letting his hand slide down afterwards, wrapping around Tobio’s shoulders and dragging him towards their bags. 

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” Tobio bluntly commented, ignoring Atsumu’s dramatic gasp. 

“Ya calling me dramatic, Tobio-kun?” Atsumu whined, as Tobio got loose from his grip and grabbed his water bottle. 

“No, just brutally honest,” Tobio answered nonchalantly. 

“Well, I can’t really say anything to that, can I,” Atsumu countered, clearly not hurt at all by the words, “Also, yer awfully popular ain’t ya, Tobio-kun?” 

“Huh?”

Atsumu nodded towards the younger’s phone, laying on top of his jacket, “Yer phone’s lighting up, somebody must really want to talk to ya,” leaning over the jacket, he got a good luck at the stackering notifications from the same number, “Don’t know who, but the person’s calling ya Tobio-chan, huh, that’s cute.”

Tobio choked on his water the very second he heard the words ‘Tobio-chan’ leave Atsumu’s mouth. Coughing violently in the aftermath, spitting out the water in small portions. He felt Atsumu make his way over, roughly slapping him on the back, trying to help remove the water that had gotten stuck.

“Oi, don’t die on me. The day I just got ya as my friend,” Atsumu said, seemingly worried when Tobio stopped coughing, and had moved on to lifting his shirt to use it to wipe the rest of his saliva, and water around his mouth. 

“Fine, are you sure that it said Tobio-chan?” was Tobio’s answer, completely serious and red-faced.

“Yeah, it definitely said Tobio-chan, why?” 

Atsumu didn’t get an answer to his question, as Tobio threw himself at the phone, grabbing it tightly between shaking hands as he stared at the text that just came.

**(12:13) You do know it's rude to ignore people, right Tobio-chan?**

**(12:13) Or have no one ever taught you manners?** **ヽ( `ε´ )**

“Oh my god,” Tobio whispered as he saw just how many texts that Oikawa had sent him, feeling as giddy as he felt panic deep in his soul. Using multiple tries to open his phone as his hands shook too much. 

“Ohhhh, it’s Oikawa-kun ain’t it? What did he write?” Atsumu interrupted Tobio’s inner panic, sounding just as excited as Tobio felt conflicted. 

“I don’t know yet,” Tobio answered, not arguing or telling Atsumu to leave as he sat down right next to him, to look at the phone as well.

“Well, start from the top,” Atsumu commanded, getting more and more invested in whatever weird relationship was between Tobio and his old upperclassman. 

**(11:40) Yahoo Tobio-chan, it’s your most talented upperclassman** **☆⌒(ゝ。∂)**

**(11:41) I got your number from Iwa-chan**

**(11:42) I just want to make sure you aren’t slacking off**

**(11:43) You need to keep up if you actually want to beat me**

**(11:53) Tobio-chan**

**(11:53) Are you ignoring me?**

**(11:54) Are you still sleeping or something?**

**(11:56) You won’t get better if you just spend your days sleeping ( `д´*)ノ**

**(11:57) Is there something wrong? Is that why you’re sleeping?**

**(11:57) Who cares about that anyway!!** **(¬_¬ )**

**(12:00) ……**

**(12:00) Remember to drink enough water and eat regularly**

**(12:01) An athlete isn’t worth much if they don’t take care of themself!**

**(12:12) Oi!**

**(12:13) You do know it's rude to ignore people, right Tobio-chan?**

**(12:13) Or have no one ever taught you manners?** **ヽ( `ε´ )**

“Holy shit, this guy is a riot,” Atsumu laughed, taking great pleasure in the exasperated yet fond smile that crossed Tobio’s lips, keeping up with the glint in his eyes, “He’s a tsundere if I’ve ever seen one.”

“What do i do?” Tobio asked, panic evident and clear in his voice. 

Rolling his eyes at Tobio’s reaction, Atsumu leaned against him, watching and reading the texts once more, “Ya answer him, Tobio-kun, just like you would do with all of yer friends.”

“Right,” the younger mumbled, slowly starting to type out his response. 

_ (12:17) Hi Oikawa-san, sorry i only just saw your messages _

_ (12:17) i’ve been practicing _

“Dude, he’s already typing a new message,” Atsumu gleefully said, as he watched the small bubbles indicating that Oikawa was answering. 

**(12:18) Well good!**

**(12:18) Like I said, I just wanted to check up on you**

**(12:18) Nothing special or anything**

_ (12:19) thank you, Oikawa-san _

_ (12:19) i hope you’re practicing as well _

_ (12:20) because we’ll be the winners next time _

**(12:21) Sure, sure Tobio-chan**

**(12:21) You can think that, but we won’t make it easy for you!**

**(12:22) Now, I got team practice, so I have to run**

**(12:22) Try not to get worse before our next match! (^‿^ )**

_ (12:23) bye Oikawa-san _

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on with ya guys, but that,” Atsumu said, pointing down at the phone and looking directly at Tobio, “That was not something that just friends, or frenemies or rivals or enemies, or whatever the hell is left do, that’s something else.”

Deep inside, Tobio knew that Atsumu was right, he knew that there wasn’t an actual description of what he and Oikawa was. They weren’t friends, but they weren’t enemies either, they were something more than rivals, there was an actual connection between them that they didn’t have the words to convey. 

Yet, Tobio doubted that it was akin to what Atsumu seemed to believe it was. 

“Maybe it is. Perhaps one day I’ll even figure it out,” Tobio remarked solemnly, throwing the phone back on the floor, harder than he had intended. 

Atsumu regarded the younger of the two, observing how he bit small specks of skin off his lips as a nervous tick, how his eyes were narrowed in concentration. 

“Are ya really okay with waiting for him to get it together?” He asked, taking notice of how Tobio’s features softened at the question. 

Atsumu widened his eyes in surprise at Tobio’s reaction, at the lighthearted chuckles that passed his lips. 

“I’m not waiting around for him, Miya-san,” Tobio gently remarked, standing up and picking up a stray volleyball, walking back on the court and twirling the ball in his hands. 

Atsumu watched as he stopped, quickly glancing at the ball before throwing it up in the air and running forward to hit it. So brutally elegant, a quiet but unfaltering determination and purpose, it felt like an honour to be allowed to witness this jump serve, it felt like the start of a new purpose. 

And as he watched the ball slam right across the end line, narrowly hitting inside the court lines, he knew that this was no accident, it was no fluke. 

Tobio caught hazel eyes looking right at him, grinning at Atsumu, he picked up another ball, twirling it the same way as the other, yet this time he threw it at Atsumu, who caught it in shock, looking baffled at the ball in his hands before directing his gaze towards a smirking Tobio. 

“I’m not waiting around, I’m catching up,” The younger setter confidently declared, and Atsumu could find no lie in that statement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back on my Oikage agenda and bullshit, and it feels good!! Also, I just adore Atsumu and Tobio, and I really do think that they could have one of the funniest and most chaotic friendships, so that's what I'm creating! Atsumu is a supportive bitch, and he is getting way too invested in the chaos that is Tobio's life.  
> We love to see it! I hope you guys enjoyed this, and please remember to take care of yourself!
> 
> Love you all so much!!
> 
> Gladiolus - Strength and Integrity.  
> Queen Anne's Lace - Sanctuary  
> Coriander - Lust  
> Sunflower - Loyalty and Adoration  
> Heliotrope - Eternal love  
> Orange Lilies - Hatred  
> Valerians - Ready for the future  
> Bay tree - Wisdom, Victory and Courage  
> Yellow Roses - True Friendship  
> Pink Tulips - Familiar affection and Love


	10. Queen Anne's Lace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Back with a chapter and new developments, I hope you guys will enjoy it! As always, a giant thank you to MissKirablue for all the help and betaing!!!! I don't know what I'd do, if I couldn't discuss my dumbass ideas with her.

There was something so freeing about being around Miya Atsumu, it almost felt like flying through the blue skies without constraint and fear. 

He might be a crow but it’s been a long time since he felt like this. 

Shouyou and Karasuno had grounded him, they had saved him when he had flown too high, when he got too close to the sun’s burning surface. 

He was burnt by the very thing that he had desired, burnt and hurt by the object that he tried so hard to reach for.

He had fallen, fallen past the shimmering stars that were thrilled at his downfall, fallen down through the soft white clouds that refused to catch him, and when his foot touched the cold and untamed water that would show him no mercy, it stopped. 

He was frozen in the air, and as he looked up to witness his saviour, he saw the imposing black wings of a remarkable crow.

And in the wings of a misunderstood bird, he found forgiveness and kindness. 

In the glistering grass, with the remnants of a lost king crying during the night, a king who did not know what no one ever taught him. 

In the rising sun of a new day, in a field of flowers, beautiful and bright, small and big, of seeds and newly grown flowers, he found a place he could belong.

He found a home.

But not in the sky, not on the ground. 

He found freedom and hope, kindness and love, in a blossoming field surrounded by wings of change. 

Yet, even though he had never felt happier than he did when he flew across mountains, flew over the depths of an ocean still untouched, there were times when the tears of a hidden god would make their way to his garden, and he would miss the feeling of the heat, miss feeling the burning warmth of the sun.

But those feelings would vanish when he felt the comforting wings cover him from the world, when the sunflowers would grow taller than him in the bright light of the sun, when they would shadow him from a world that had hurt him. 

In the colours of black and orange he felt safe, supported and strong. 

Hidden from the world, away from the soldiers that had overthrown him, his garden began to bloom colour after colour. They sprung from untouched ground next to the flowers of seeds which were planted years ago, that were never given the chance to bloom, but now finally digging their way out of the dark and old soil, seeing the light of the sun for the first time. Feelings felt long ago were being acknowledged, and there was time to love and mourn that could have been but wasn’t to become.

Purple and blue, red and orange, pink and white, hues of colour entwining and settling. Comfortably sitting and watching as more and more flowers are starting to peek through the ground, before they, too, will find a home. 

He had found happiness in the same warmth of the sun that once burnt him. 

_ But there is no sun now.  _

Sitting on an old swing set in an ancient playground in Hyogo during the sunset, Kageyama Tobio felt the same sanctuary he did at the sunrise. 

Right in front of him, in a field of queen anne’s lace, sat Atsumu. Gesturing rabidly, talking loudly, as he told stories of last year’s All Japan camp, of the powerful and stoic Ushijima Wakatoshi, of a strong yet unpredictable Bokuto Koutarou, of a new and uncompromising ace called Sakusa Kiyoomi, of a funny but committed Komori Motoya. 

It was his last night in Hyogo, and he couldn’t think of a better way to spend it. 

He had spent the morning and afternoon with his parents, but the evening and night had been reserved for Atsumu and whatever he had planned. 

After that afternoon at the gym, their friendship began to grow quite quickly. The few days he had spent in Hyogo had mostly been occupied by the Miya twins and their friends. He had been introduced to most of the Inarizaki team on the second day, apparently they had to have a team meeting about nationals, and Atsumu had dragged Tobio along as he wanted them to spend as much time together as possible. 

His presence at the meeting hadn’t been an issue, he could even swear that he had seen their captain, Osamu and Aran, fondly shake their head at Atsumu’s whining. 

It was kind of endearing, the way that Atsumu was obviously treated like the bratty and bossy little brother of the team. 

_ The way he had started to treat you like his younger brother, like you’re something precious to him.  _

It’s nice, it was really nice. Although, Tobio wouldn’t complain if Atsumu would stop teasing him, just a tiny bit, especially most of the time he teased him about Oikawa. 

Just like he was doing now. 

“Y’know, ya could text him,” Atsumu suggested, leaning forward and wiggling his eyebrows. 

Tobio rolled his eyes at the idea, because ever since Atsumu had found out about Oikawa he had been dedicated to push them together, constantly telling him to text the older setter. 

“No,” Tobio replied, turning his head in an attempt to hide the rising red on his face.

“Come on, why not?” Atsumu whined, pushing himself to his knees in front of the swing Tobio sat on, “Ya guys could be cute together.”

Tobio furrowed his brows at the end, looking back at Atsumu dumbfoundedly, “You don’t even know him.”

“Tobio-kun, I’ve followed him on instagram, read articles about him, and watched some of his matches,” Atsumu nonchalantly said, waving his hand back and forth as he tried to play off the fact that he had stalked him. 

“That’s weird,” Tobio commented, kicking the ground with his foot and sending sand in Atsumu’s face.

Atsumu squeaked as he rolled over, trying to evade the sand being kicked at him. Causing Tobio to laugh at the sight of the distraught Atsumu rolling around on the dirty playground. 

“Mean Tobio-kun, I’m only helping ya,” Atsumu complained, throwing sand back at the younger setter, making him fall off the swing as he tried to escape the attack. 

It ended in a sand battle between the two setters. 

As passerbys walked by, returning home in the evening after a long day, they saw two teenage boys throwing sand at each other in a children’s playground. They saw grins and smiles, they heard laughter and shouting, and for a second, the people couldn’t help but laugh themselves. 

It wasn’t as though Tobio or Atsumu could see or hear them, they were too busy trying to win the sand battle that they were in. 

“Hey! Hey! Stop, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu yelled as Tobio pinned him to the ground, forcing sand down his shirt.

“Say I win,” Tobio smugly replied, holding Atsumu down with one hand and grabbing more sand with the other.

“Fucking, fine, you win,” The older setter reluctantly agreed, frowing as he saw Tobio’s victorious smirk, “Get lost ya scrub.”

“Can’t call me a scrub if I’m the winner,” Tobio retaliated, getting off of where he had sat on Atsumu’s stomach to pin him down, brushing himself off to get rid of the sand.

“Brat,” Atsumu muttered as he got up off the ground, lifting his shirt and trying to get as much sand as possible out, not really in the mood to deal with the dirt the rest of the night. 

Tobio only shrugged at the comment, knowing that Atsumu didn’t mean it in a derogatory way, “So, what are we doing tonight?”

“I thought we might just go back to my house and relax, I ain’t really in the mood for anything too big,” Atsumu replied, having resorted to taking off his shirt and shaking it to get rid of all the sand that was pushed down there. 

“That’s cool, your parents are fine with it?” Tobio asked, standing by as he watched Atsumu continuously and vigorously shake his shirt to get rid of the dirt. 

“Eh probably, they never had a problem before, but ya know,” Atsumu’s voice trailed off at the end, abandoning the end of the sentence, but he was sure that Tobio would understand what he was trying to convey. 

What memory laid fresh in both of their minds. 

It had been just two days ago, they had just returned to Atsumu and Osamu’s house after hanging out with the Inarizaki team. Osamu had decided to stay with Suna, and their father was out, so it had just been them and Atsumu’s mother. 

It wasn’t that Tobio didn’t like Hikari at that point, he hadn’t known her well enough to dislike her. But he remembered her tone the first day, he could recall the tight smile that couldn’t possibly have been anything other than fake. 

There was something hidden there, and Tobio hadn’t been too sure of what, until they returned after spending time with Inarizaki. 

Yet, in his head, Tobio could easily see the twitching of her lips when they walked inside, how she tightened her grip on the knitting needles. The faked happiness in her voice, as she asked if they had been out alone, as she asked if they might have been on a date. 

The way her shoulders relaxed and her grip loosened as the relief flooded her, as Atsumu answered no it hadn’t been a date.

If he got too deep in his memories, he could feel Atsumu grip his wrist, holding on tight as though he had to steady himself. He could remember how the older boy had bit his lip and how his shoulders had tensed, the way his eyes hardened. All right before he took half a step in front of Tobio, as he spoke once more, “Not for a lack of trying on my part.”

Just the way those words had made Hikari tense again, how quickly she stood up and sped past them, taking her bag and shoes in her hand as she walked out the door, closing it with a bang.

Leaving only Atsumu and Tobio in the now quiet house.

Tobio had felt how Atsumu’s grip had slowly loosened, sliding down and letting their fingers brush against each other, before the hand fell lifelessly against Atsumu’s side. How Atsumu’s breath had been unstable, heavy heaving and deep breaths, yet only for a few seconds until he had the same tight smile as his mother had shown them.

Until his eyes were no longer hardened but slightly defeated, like he had known, but also carried hope. 

“Sorry,” was the only word that rang through the house, as monotone as Atsumu tried to keep it, but it didn’t work. 

Tobio watched as Atsumu kept angrily swearing, as the sand kept coming out of his shirt, and he could remember the warmth of Atsumu as he had nuzzled closer to Tobio that night. 

He had held the older boy close, had wrapped his arms around his waist as Atsumu buried his face in Tobio’s neck. 

As both of them tried to ignore the tear that was felt on both of their skin. 

Later that night, Atsumu had explained everything. How he was bisexual and most were completely fine with it, but that his mother was just happy that could still marry a girl. That she constantly tried to get him to go out with girls, how she tried to get him to cut down on volleyball practice, just because she was sure that always seeing naked boys was the reason he liked boys. 

Which was bullshit, Atsumu had said, but she was insistent. All she wanted was for him to find a girlfriend, she never treated him worse than Osamu, but that was because she held out her hope. That sometimes, late at night, he could hear their parents talk about it, he could hear his father yell at her that it wasn’t her decision, that nothing mattered more than their son’s happiness. 

Into the soft flesh of Tobio’s throat, Atsumu had whispered that he knew his mother was trying, but it wasn’t enough and it hurt. That she had already come further than she was at the beginning, but it simply still ached inside him when he saw her tight smile. 

How he hoped it might one day disappear.

That night when Tobio had returned home, he had felt as the small queen anne’s lace was comforted by the surrounding flowers. How, they had become nuzzled between heliotropes and sunflowers, how the purple and yellow had covered the pure white from the sky’s tears. Trying to soothe the white flowers, that was never meant to feel so unsafe in their own haven. 

He wouldn’t allow Atsumu to feel like that. 

Atsumu had become his sanctuary and he would gladly become Atsumu’s safe haven as well.

“We could just go to my house,” Tobio suggested, as Atsumu put his shirt back, having stood half naked in the children's playground for at least five minutes. 

“If that’s cool then sure,” Atsumu shrugged, but from the small smile and the arm that he threw around Tobio’s shoulders, Tobio knew that he was grateful for the suggestion. 

“Besides, then we can figure who has been texting you all night,” Tobio teasingly said, poking Atsumu in the side with his elbow.

“What? Ya aren’t gonna see that,” Atsumu said, trying to push the younger setter, but missing and nearly losing his footing as Tobio sped forward.

“Why not?” Tobio confidently shot back, knowing that for once his logic was flawless. “You constantly look at my phone to see if Oikawa-san has texted me.”

“Agh, fine, it’s probably just ‘Samu” Atsumu groaned, reaching into his pocket and taking out his phone, making a big show out of presenting it to Tobio before he opened it. His face instantly going slack as he did, eyes widening and mouth opening, as he stared at the messages that lit up the screen. 

Raising an eyebrow at his friend’s reaction, Tobio knew there was no way it was Osamu, “So who is it? You have to let me see.”

“Shit,” Atsumu muttered as he threw the phone to Tobio, trusting the younger to catch it and read it himself. 

Looking down at the messages, Tobio was close to bursting out laughing, finally he had something to tease Atsumu with. 

**(19:02) Oi Miya, you haven’t irritated me in a couple of days, are you alive?**

**(19:03) Or am I so lucky that Osamu finally killed you?**

**(19:13) You’re not even going to complain? You always complain when I call you Miya and your brother by his name.**

**(19:20) Are you actually dead?**

**(19:21) Miya, I will text your brother if you aren’t going to respond, and I know you hate when I text him.**

**(19:22) You always have your phone in your hands, or you have it unmuted so you can hear when you get a text.**

**(19:23) I will text both the awful group chat you created last year and your brother, if you haven’t answered me in 10 minutes.**

“Almost ten minutes, better text back your Omi-omi,” Tobio smirked as he threw back the phone, delighted at the grimace and blush that showed up on Atsumu’s face as he caught the phone and started typing as he walked forward. Not complaining once, when Tobio latched on to his side so he could see the phone screen as they walked to his parent’s house.

(19:32) Hey!! Omi-omi!!

(19:32) sorry i haven't texted ya, been busy 

(19:32) i’m so happy ya missed me(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

**(19:33) I didn’t miss you**

**(19:34) I was just worried I wouldn’t have a chance to beat you at nationals this year**

(19:34) Omi-omi!!!!!

(19:35) yer so mean to me!!!

(19:35) (╥﹏╥)

**(19:36) Goodbye Miya.**

“Don’t say a word, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu hissed as he put the phone back in his pocket, walking faster, leaving Tobio to reach him.

“I make no promises,” he answered as he caught up, but he knew that it would be a while until he started to tease him about it. Because as much as Atsumu seemed to be fully content and confident with who he was, Tobio knew that there was a small part of him that he was at war with.

There was a difference between not caring what your teammates thought of you, and what your family thought of you. And Tobio knew that they were the same in that aspect, they loved their families, but what separated them was, that for Atsumu, love sometimes hurt. 

_ I can wait, his heart whispered to the white flowers, who blossomed in the shelter offered by his ribs and the other flowers that grew in the garden.  _

“It’s fine, I mean, it ain’t like Omi-omi would like me, it doesn’t matter,” Atsumu said, wrapping his arms around himself as he turned to smile at Tobio, soft and small. A smile so utterly private and rare. 

Something that Tobio was well acquainted with.

“If it matters,” Tobio commented, “He sounds like he likes you.”

Atsumu just shrugged, looking away, not really reacting as Tobio took his hand and entwined their fingers as they continued the walk.

Perhaps for others, the melancholic topic and the tone it had left behind would have ruined the night, but that wasn’t the case for them. Their night wasn’t ruined, they spent it as they had spent the other days together, in the comfort of each other’s presence. 

There was something so inherently intimate in the way their bodies fit together, yet it wasn’t romantic nor sexual, it was nothing more than finding a piece that could complement their own. 

It was like Shouyou. 

So intimate and private, yet as innocent as the freshly bloomed white lily. 

Nothing happened that night, sitting close together as they watched volleyball matches on Tobio’s bed. Watching the countless footage of last year's nationals, talking about and analysing the people that they might one day have to face. 

Tobio had even convinced Atsumu to tell him more about Bokuto and Fukurodani, as he wanted to know what kind of opponents he might meet at the training camp. 

And it was only as the night’s blue tones turned to orange, and the shining stars turned into the sun, that the talking slowly trailed off. Until, there were only a few hours til Tobio’s train to Tokyo. 

They were woken up by Tobio’s parents a couple of hours later, both adults bearing fond expression as they saw the disgruntled and sleepy boys. Quickly and effectively getting them ready so that Tobio could make it in time, with Atsumu pleading to go with them to the station to see him off and say goodbye. 

A request that neither Ame or Haru could deny, both pleased about the new bond created, and happily taking Atsumu with them to the station, assuring his parents that they would drive him home afterwards.

Now, standing at the platform, about to say bye to his parents and his new friend, Tobio felt far more free than he did on the way to Hyogo. 

With the disappearance of coriander plants and the halting of orange lilies, and the gentle appearance of queen Anne’s lace, he had gotten a new ally and had found temporary peace.

“Text us when you get to Tokyo, and then text us once more when you’ve made it to camp,” Ame instructed, gingerly caressing her son’s chin as she spoke, both sets of stern blue eyes softening as they made eye contact. 

“Yes mom,” Tobio answered, feeling soft fingers glide from his face, quickly being replaced by his father, pressing soft kisses against his temple.

“Take care,” was whispered softly against his hair. 

“I will,” Tobio promised, leaning into his father’s touch, knowing that it would be a while before he could feel the comfort of his parent’s presence again.

And in this aspect, there was no shame in being greedy, and he would take everything they were willing to give.

“See ya later, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu said cheerfully, as the younger setter turned to face him, arms stretched out in front of him, not welcoming a hug, but rather demanding it from Tobio. 

With no hesitation and a spring to his step, Tobio took his place in Atsumu’s arms, and as Atsumu wrapped his arms around Tobio’s neck, Tobio guided his hands towards the older setter’s waist. 

“Ya better win the qualifiers, cause I want to beat ya at Interhigh,” Atsumu murmured, tightening his grip, and while Tobio couldn’t see his face, he knew that Atsumu had that determined expression on his face. Those hardened and narrowed eyes ready to remove anything that would get in his way. 

“We’ll win our qualifiers, but I’m the one who will be left standing on the court,” Tobio countered, moving back from the hug and looking into Atsumu’s eyes. 

And both of them knew that when the day came, when they would stand across each other on court, it wouldn’t be Inarizaki vs Karasuno. It would be the battle of the setters, and they would do anything if it meant their team would be the ones standing until the end. 

“Better keep that determination,” Atsumu replied, contently watching as Tobio smiled back at him once more, before he got on the train. 

Tobio sat down in his seat, waving back at his family as the train left the station. 

He had spent the last few days in tranquility, so he only supposed that chaos was inevitably. With that thought he opened his phone, and was instantly reminded of his journey to Hyogo, with the amount of texts in the group chat.

**Captain:** Why haven’t we left yet?

**AverageBlocker:** Because Noya and Tanaka forgot their bags

**ViceCap:** Nice

**Captain:** Not nice, Suga, please

**Captain:** We’re already at a disadvantage because Hinata has to retake an exam

**Captain:** If we arrive late, it’s going to make us look bad!

**Ace:** He has a point, it’s very nice of them to invite us, we can’t let them down

**MvP:** YEAH!

**MvP:** WE GOTTA SHOW THOSE CHITTY BOYS WHO THE BOSS IS

**AverageBlocker:** Are you trying to spell city or shitty? 

**Guardian:** There’s a difference?!?!?!?!

**AverageBlocker:** …...I want off this team

**GreenPinch:** Tsukki!!!

**Captain:** It’s early, why are you all so hyped?

**Captain:** I don’t need this

**ViceCap:** ooops

**Captain:** Don’t oops me Suga

**Captain:** @TallFreak 

**Captain:** Kageyama, please tell me that you are on your way with no disruptions

**TallFreak:** just got on the train, doesn’t seem to be any problems

**Captain:** Thank god

**Captain:** At least, something goes right today

**Guardian:** KAGEYAMA!!!!

**Guardian:** DID YOU SEDUEC HIM?

**ViceCap:** Yes!! Did you??

**TallFreak:** no

**TallFreak:** he’s nice, we’re friends

**Ace:** You made friends!!

**GreenPinch:** That’s great!

**Captain:** I’m so proud of you

**MvP:** so you didn’t learn anything?

**TallFreak:** no i did

**TallFreak:** he talked a lot about some of the teams and people he met at nationals

**TallFreak:** and at the all japan camp

**ViceCap:** Great! anything we can use to crush them???

**Captain:** Suga!

**TallFreak:** we have to be focused on Fukurodani as a whole and not just their ace

**TallFreak:** and we can’t underestimate any team

**Guardian:** NICE KAGEYAMA

**Guardian:** that’s our genuis underclassman!!

**AverageBlocker:** Please learn how to spell, if the king can spell things correctly so can you

**TallFreak:** i use autocorrect

**AverageBlocker:** I am somehow disappointed but not surprised

**TallFreak:** duck you

**TallFreak:** fuck you fight me

**Ace:** No fighting in the groupchat!!

**MvP:** YEah, fight in real life!!

**GreenPinch:** No fighting

**Captain:** At least 1 first year is sane

**AverageBlocker:** He’s not

**AverageBlocker:** He’s really not

**GreenPinch:** Tsukki!

**SanestSecond:** Hey, Takeda and Coach say to calm down and relax before we get to Tokyo, and if possible sleep, so we’re ready to train as soon as we get there.

**Captain:** Thanks Ennoshita

**Captain:** You guys heard the man, off the phones and sleep!

**ViceCap:** Aye aye Cap!!

**Captain:** Now!!

**Captain:** @TallFreak, text us when you get there and Takeda will pick you up at the station

**Captain:** and please try to sleep as well

**TallFreak:** yes captain

**Captain:** Thank you

Daichi didn’t have to tell him to sleep twice, while he didn’t regret staying up to talk to Atsumu, he knew that it might have been a bad idea since training camp was starting.

So with the feel of queen anne’s lace filling his head, and the touch of pink carnations and china asters fresh against his heart, he fell asleep with promises of furtherance and dreams coloured purple and blue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, I especially hope you liked Atsumu and his story, cuz I have had doubts about that. And if you like him, then no worries, it is not the last we will see of him, but we are on our way back to our regular scheduled Karasuno chaos, and more Oikawa (and Aoba Johsai) shenanigans. Not just that, but I've been looking forward to writing the training camp!!  
> I hope you're all doing good and taking care of yourselves!!!
> 
> Queen Anne's Lace - Sanctuary  
> Pink Carnations - A mother's love  
> China Aster - Love and Wisdom


	11. Protea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm back and we are finally ready for some traning camp action, I have been looking forward to this!!!  
> Thanks to MissKiraBlue for betaing, you lovely creature!! I hope you guys will enjoy it, have fun!

His dreams were filled with visions of light blue, with the caressing of a possessive hand. 

A hand dressed in riches, with chains and bracelets of the purest gold glittering in the fires of a long forgotten castle. Rings shimmering in the dull light, sapphires, diamonds, and emeralds decorating the countless and priceless pieces of jewellery littered across nimble fingers.

Of bright sunlight as the scene in his dream shifted, the cold stone and high ceilings transformed into a blue sky and a flower filled garden. The grass soft against his back and neck as he laid down, eyes closed as the fresh wind shook the leaves of the trees. 

He would feel heliotropes being braided ever so gently into his hair, combining soft purples and blues with jet black. Sweet nothings being whispered by gentle lips, the speaker’s breath touching the trembling lips of his companion. 

Of his fellow king. 

Soft promises and careless oaths, which would never exist nor be hornoued outside of his head, flowing through the wind and disappearing into the trees, never to be seen or heard from again. 

It was a dream that he had before, years ago, when he was still young and inexperienced. When he did not know what that dream was meant to represent.

When he did not know what desire and yearning truly meant, that there was more to life than playing volleyball, than winning. 

Though, he supposed loving and being loved in return was a win greater than any other.

With the remains of these cruel dreams, Tobio slowly opened his eyes, finding himself looking out of a window. 

Witnessing the colours of the city changing, alerting him of his surroundings. 

He hastily looked at the clock, pulling out his phone immediately and texting his teacher, informing him that he would be at the station in 15 minutes. Barely having locked the phone before a message popped up from mr. Takeda, replying that he would be waiting at the platform and requesting that Tobio didn’t leave and got lost at the station. 

While he was somewhat offended by his teacher’s blunt plea, he couldn’t deny that it was true, he indeed got lost too easily, and this was not the best time for him to get lost either. His team didn’t have time to look for a confused and stoic 15-years old wandering around in a city such as Tokyo. 

Tobio decided to spend the last few minutes of his train ride looking through some of the videos and clips of Fukurodani that Atsumu had collected and sent to him. 

When Tobio had asked about the clips, Atsumu had just shrugged and told him that there was nothing wrong in knowing and researching your opponents. 

Which wasn’t wrong at all, and Tobio decided to accept the clips, finding no harm in getting to know who he would be playing up against. Nekoma was dangerous and there was not a shadow of doubt in his mind that the rest of the schools were just as good if not better. 

That had been confirmed as he watched the videos, their captain and ace was fierce and unpredictable, and their setter was able to keep calm in the toughest situations. However, what had caught Tobio’s attention was number 7, the opposite hitter who seemed as though he kept it all together. 

He was able to serve, receive, block and score with ease, while Tobio could admit that there was nothing extraordinary about them, there was nothing that he lacked in, nothing that wasn’t up to par. 

It was normal for players to have something they weren’t good at, yet for number 7, there wasn’t anything. 

He was just fine and average at everything, unexceptional but terribly frightening if one thought about it. 

What could be scarier than a person who wasn’t neccesserialry bad at anything?

How could they mark him, if there was nothing to target? 

Tobio could barely contain the shivering running down his spine, a challenge like this could be the perfect practice for going up against Seijoh and possibly Shiratorizawa. 

In the excitement of the future, Tobio had completely forgotten the fact that he was on a train, which was mere seconds away from stopping in Tokyo. 

He quickly grabbed his bag, checking if he had left anything behind before hurrying towards the doors. 

_ He should really stop getting lost in his own thoughts, one day he may never be able to leave.  _

Stepping out on the platform, Tobio immediately heard his name being called, recognising the tone as his teacher, he turned in the direction of the voice and found his smiling teachers waving at him. 

“Kageyama-kun!” mr. Takeda called out, right hand waving back and forth frantically, attracting a lot of attention from everyone around them.

Tobio gave a nod and small smile, feeling a small twinge in his heart as he watched mr. Takeda's eyes widened at the smile, his own growing larger until it seemed to have overtaken most of his face. 

It felt nice.

Walking towards his teacher, he felt lighter the closer he got. There was a certain feeling, he only got when he was near those he had chosen to call his. A feeling blurring the lines between dark and light, the feeling of wanting to set something free yet still wishing to keep it to himself. 

_ He wanted the world to witness them.  _

“Kageyama-kun, how are you doing? Was everything okay?” the young looking teacher asked as his student stopped in front of him. 

Mr. Takeda quickly looked over the boy, taking notice of the loose shoulders and relaxed posture, showing nothing but pure ease. 

“Yeah, it was really nice. I hope it’s not a bother to pick me up, I could have found the way myself,” Tobio answered, barely keeping his expression in check as he heard his teacher sigh. 

“It’s not a bother at all. Frankly, I’m sure it would be a bigger bother if you went on your own, I have noticed your, quite, remarkable ability of getting lost.”

It never failed to surprise him, just how snarky and intimidating his soft-spoken teacher could be when he wanted to. 

“Are you ready to go?” the older man gently asked, a complete switch from his previous tone. 

Tobio nodded, content with just following his teacher, listening to him talk as he enthusiastically explained the schedule for the camp, gesturing wildly as they continued their walk to the car. 

During the trip to the school, Tobio felt more excited and restless as time went on, he was having a hard time sitting still, he wanted to play immediately. Sensing the mood, mr. Takeda kept talking, rambling about countless things as a means to distract him. 

Although, glanzing at the younger’s bitten lips and barely concealed trembling smile, he knew that it was a doomed mission. Yet, he didn’t mind, it was a pleasure to see his students excited and happy. 

Watching them be happy and succeed was the greatest reward a teacher could ask for. 

“We’re here,” mr. Takeda commented, parking the car and watching Tobio almost fall down as he got out of the car. “You seem excited.”

“Yeah, I am.”

Mr. Takeda hummed at the quick answer. “That’s good, we’re very lucky that Nekoma convinced them to let us join, so we have to show them our best and learn from their best in return. We can’t let them look down on us, right?”

Tobio looked at the playful wink and bright smile his teacher sent him and nodded in response. “Right.”

“Why don’t I take your bags to the room, and you can go directly to the gym? I mean, you’ve already changed into training clothes.”

“Really? Can I?” Tobio asked excitedly, unable to contain his glee at the prospect of starting sooner. 

“Of course,” mr. Takeda answered, taking the bags from his student as he tried to stop himself from laughing. In his mind he pictured a wagging tail showing behind the teenage boy, showcasing the excitement. 

“They’re using the gym over there, it’s called gym 1,” the teacher explained, pointing towards the biggest gym building, ensuring that Tobio wouldn’t get lost on his way there. 

“Got it, thanks,” the setter called out, already running towards the building, eager to get started.

“They might be in the middle of a match, so try not to cause too much of a disturbance when you walk in,” mr. Takeda yelled, watching the young boy give a thumbs up as he ran. “And Kageyama-kun, it’s good to have you back.”

Tobio stopped as he heard mr. Takeda yell, turning around and throwing a smile in the way of his teacher, only lasting for a split second before he turned around once more. The only thing running through Tobio’s head as he ran the short distance to the gym, was that he would soon be able to play volleyball.

He stopped right in front of the door, narrowly avoiding slamming directly into it, not having noticed just how fast he was actually running. 

Taking a deep breath, Tobio slowly opened the door, keeping his teacher’s warning in mind as he did. 

_ Can’t cause a disturbance, people are playing.  _

Although, it seemed that it wasn’t meant to go his way as he stepped inside. 

A flash of red, white and green hurling right at him, accompanied by a loud ‘watch out,’ greeted him the second the door closed behind him. 

The young setter thanked his training and quick reflexes as his hands shot up, catching the ball that was launched towards him. 

Eyes closing and barely containing a hiss at the spiked ball, the power behind it had shocked him so much he had almost taken a step back to steady himself, not to mention the small twinge in his hands as he caught it. 

Wincing as he opened his eyes, he looked up to see the teams looking at him.

He hoped he didn’t look as awkward as he felt, he had never been good with so much attention on him. 

“Kageyama, there you are, we’ve been waiting for you,” Suga enthusiastically called out, eagerly waving him over to their court, soft voice louder than the rest of his teammates calling out his name and greeting him. 

“Hey,” Tobio said as soon as he made it to the court, still holding onto the volleyball, not quite sure where it had come from or where he was supposed to put it. 

Tobio watched as Tanaka and Noya opened their mouths, most likely to scream something at him, but whatever they were going to yell out was interrupted by a voice addressing him from the other side. 

“OH, that was a great catch, how did you do that? uh uh?” 

It was only in that moment that Tobio realised just which team Karasuno was playing against. They might not have been in uniform, but the spiked white-grey and black hair could be none other than Bokuto Koutarou, one of the top five high school aces in Japan and captain of the powerhouse school Fukurodani. 

The very same school that Tobio had spent a bit of time researching on the way there. 

It took him some time to realise that Bokuto was talking to him, blinking profoundly at the direction of the enthusiastically asked question. 

“Um, I just, uh, just put my hands up and caught it? How I’d normally do,” Tobio replied, the answer sounding more like a question itself, head slightly tilted and eyes squinted, he prayed he didn’t appear like an idiot. 

That was Shouyou’s job, not his.

Although from the small snickers coming from his teammates, he was fairly certain that he had just made a minor fool of himself in front of the entire gym. 

“Ah, so you’re a libero then! Well that makes a lot of sense,” Bokuto answered, nodding his head along with his own words and interpretation of Tobio’s explanation, adding elements that were not there. 

Although, he was the man that asked how he caught the volleyball, when the sport they play relies on quick thinking and reflexes. 

The young setter slowly nodded along, not wanting to go against the older boy, even though he seemed to have misunderstood what Tobio said. 

Blue gaze falling to his captain, trying to get a signal or a sign on how he was supposed to proceed. Yet the only thing he saw was Daichi biting down hard on his lip, desperately trying to keep from chuckling at the exchange happening between the two teams' star players. 

“Uhm, do you want the volleyball back?” Tobio lamely asked, extending his hands and offering the ball back to the team. Ignoring the laughter from his team, and whoever was making some sort of choking hyena sound on another court. Absent-mindedly, he wondered if he should ask if the person was okay, but he already felt weird talking to Fukurodani. 

Tobio watched as their setter ducked under the net and walked towards him, “Thank you,” Akaashi said as he took the ball out of Tobio’s hands, bowing lightly before moving back, offering no further interaction between the two.

“You’re welcome?” Tobio muttered, knowing that the older setter hadn’t heard him. There was a part of him that was glad, he didn’t want to embarrass himself further in front of the team. 

“Kageyama, go stretch and warm up, so we can get you in the game,” Ukai called out, beckoning the boy over to the side. 

The young setter reacted immediately, quickly getting off the court, receiving a few pats on the back as he walked past his friends. 

As he stood to the side, stretching and observing the ongoing round, he was awed. 

Not just by watching Fukurodani, how they worked together and fit like pieces of a puzzle, but also by Suga. 

Sugawara Koushi, Karasuno’s third year setter,  _ his  _ upperclassman, the boy who had never had anything against him even though he took his starter position. Who is a brilliant setter in his own right, although he rarely gets a chance to show it because of Tobio. Who understands his hitters and can communicate better than anyone else.

Suga-san, who took his hand even when he hadn’t reached out yet, who guided him through everything and taught him how to be better. 

Tobio loves watching Suga play, watching the grey haired boy move around on the court, encouraging and high-fiving everyone, tossing the balls that the spikers could want. The elegant and smooth moves, the uncontained happiness and laughter that rang clearly in the loud gym. 

Showing just how fun volleyball was. 

Suga never failed to make the flowers sing and dance. For a while, Tobio had been confused, the yellow roses had blossomed and grown because of Karasuno, a flower that was assigned to all of them, ensuring that there was an abundance of them in his garden. 

But there was a feeling flowing through him because of Suga, a warmth that he could not connect to a flower or plant. 

It was only after their loss against Aoba Johsai, that he figured out what it was that only Suga could give his garden. The wind and rain nursing and nurturing the flowers, whirling through the petals and making them dance out of gratitude and sing out of happiness. 

Giving them the nourishment they needed to thrive, allowing them to grow. 

The warm summer rain covering them in its embrace, Tobio hadn’t known that rain could feel so kind and lovely, that it could cause growth and not destruction. 

Sometimes, he had to remind himself that Suga’s summer rain was different from the harsh winter rain, from Kunimi’s icy cold rain that froze and withered every flower it touched. That the soft and gentle breeze was different from Kindaichi’s destructive storms that tore up even the root of the flowers. 

He didn’t know it could feel like this. 

“Kageyama, you ready?” Ukai asked, noticing the boy stood still, merely watching the team play. 

“Yeah.”

Nodding, Ukai called for an exchange, watching the two setters switch places, though not before Suga could ruffle his junior’s hair and tell him to kick their opponents' asses. Confusing Fukurodani, who apparently did believe the newcomer was a libero as he had not denied the claim. 

“Eh? You’re a setter?” Bokuto asked dumbfoundedly, seeing the black-haired boy still in front of their own stern setter. “Since you caught the ball I thought you were a libero.” 

Tobio blinked owlishly as he stared at the older boy’s pout. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, I guess?” 

Before Bokuto could say more, he was interrupted by another member, who Tobio identified as Konoha. 

“Seriously, didn’t you hear Kuroo earlier? He told us that we weren’t up against their starting setter,” Konoha muttered, scowl present as he scolded his captain, not swayed by the pitiful expression showing on Bokuto’s face.

The second that the expression became present, Tobio’s eyes widened as he remembered what Atsumu had sternly told him earlier, the warning that he had been given. 

_ “Do not let him get dejected, seriously, Koutarou-kun is great, but he is a pain in the ass when he gets like that, so do whatever ya can to make feel better. Especially if ya want to have an actual good match with him.”  _

Tobio could see Atsumu’s exhausted look as he recalled the words, how the older setter had sighed and dragged his hands down his face as he explained the moods of the ace. 

He needed to stop this, he didn’t want to have a half-assed match, he wanted to experience what it was like to go up against one of the best high school aces in the nation. 

“Uhm,” Tobio timidly started, forcing himself to keep going as all eyes turned to him. “It’s fine really, I’m honoured you thought I was a libero, and since my other teammate is also late, either of us could have been the setter. So, really anyone could have made that mistake, it’s just up to chance.”

Bokuto’s eyes lit up as he heard Tobio reassure him, not noticing his teammates' shocked faces at the younger boy’s knowledge. 

“Yeah, exactly, it’s up to chance!” Bokuto excitedly yelled, his mood having switched completely.

“Right,” was muttered by the younger setter, turning back to his own team. 

“What was that?” Daichi asked, having stepped closer and pulled Tobio close to him, to whisper without having Fukurodani hear what was said.

“I was warned about this, but please don’t ask me,” Tobio sighed, shaking his head as subtle as he could.

Content with the answer he was given, Daichi moved back in position, signaling that they were ready for the match to continue. 

Tobio had prepared himself for strong opponents, for teams that were among some of the best in Tokyo, but mentally preparing for them and actually standing in front of them were two completely different things. 

He felt that the second they started back up, the power and understanding that laid behind every movement and action of Fukurodani. They understood and honoured the balance between teamwork, skill and sheer power. 

It didn’t take long for Tobio to conclude that they were more irritating than Nekoma. While Nekoma had extreme teamwork and skill, they were missing a player and ace with the strength that Bokuto have. 

Tobio knew they wouldn’t win, but he would be damned if he didn’t try. 

As Noya made a perfect receive, Tobio took a deep breath before his gaze fell on the ball, narrowing his eyes as it flew towards him. It felt like slow motion, all that Tobio could focus on was the ball, it was Asahi’s position on court, he knew exactly how he had to stand, how he should position it and how much power should be behind it. 

How to create the perfect toss, the toss that Asahi would want. 

_ Why what he want? Why not what he need?  _ His traitorous mind whispers, sounding more and more like Atsumu’s drawl and accent. 

He couldn’t let the thought distract him, immediately banishing the thought to the back of his mind, hoping that would keep it at bay for the time being. 

“There,” the setter muttered, feeling the material leave him fingers, flying through the air, until the spinning ball was hit by their ace. Bypassing the blockers and slamming down on the other side, a perfect and untouched cross court shot.

Tobio smiled as Asahi slapped his back, the ace was only ever confident after successful shots. 

In the excitement of their point, Tobio had failed to notice the narrowed eyes of a quiet setter, and the upturned lips and curious gaze of a certain ‘Jack of all trades’. 

Throughout the rest of the set, Tobio swore he could feel eyes on him at all times, but he was never able to figure out who was watching him, his concentration was only meant for volleyball. 

As much as he wanted to blame losing the game on the unease that came to being watched, he understood that there was no one to blame, they lost because Fukurodani was simply better than them. The loss being bittersweet, because as much as losing always hurt, there would always be something to learn from it, it served as a motivator. 

It wasn’t going to stop him, nor was it going to stop his team, they never stepped down from a challenge. 

“Thanks for a good game,” were said by both teams as they lined up, sweaty but happy.

Although, the happiness didn’t last too long when they were ordered to do the punishments. Tobio swore he could hear both Tsukishima and Tanaka swear as they slid across the floor, but it was hard to hear over Noya’s enthusiastic comments and cheering as he did the slides. 

“Oi, Kageyama-kun.”

The young setter turned around to face the person who called his name, seeing Nekoma’s captain waving him over, one of his signature sleazy smiles on his lips as he did. 

“Yes?” Tobio asked as he reached them, trying to be careful as to avoid scaring Kozume who was standing besides his teammate.

He hadn’t quite gotten over the fact that he had apparently and unintentionally frightened Kozume the first time they met. 

“Where's shrimpy?” Kuroo asked, leaning down and looking him straight in the eye, hand on his hip as he questioned him.

“Taking a re-exam, he should be here soon, at most a few hours, I guess,” Tobio answered, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at the stance that he supposed was to intimidate him, barely reacting to the nickname given to his partner. “If that's all I’ll just go back to my team.”

Bowing his head slightly to the older boys, he turns back around, purposely ignoring the snort and laughter coming from their short libero. 

“What did Kuroo want?” Suga asked as Tobio returned to his side, having missed the somehow comforting presence of the chaotic boy. 

“Just wanted to know where Shouyou was.”

Suga hummed at the answer, stepping closer and pulling at Tobio’s sleeve so he could whisper. “I bet it was actually Kozume that wanted to know.”

“Probably,” Tobio scoffed, turning to look at Suga’s grinning face, leaning even closer to the older setter, their shoulders gently touching as Tobio whispered. “I’m pretty sure that Kozume-san is terrified of me.”

Suga laughed into his hand as he listened, taking notice of Tobio’s apologetic tone and expression, slightly furrowing brows and chewing on his lips. 

“Well, you are quite intense on court, but off court is a different story,” Suga commented, throwing an arm around his underclassman’s shoulder, dragging him towards their designated break station in the gym, towards their friends.

“Am I that different?”

Suga pursed his lips, mulling over the answer as they reached their destination. “Kind of, you’re still intense off court, but it’s a different way. You’re a determined person, you can’t turn off the intensity, but it’s softer off court.”

Pausing to grab water bottles, Suga continued as Tobio took a sip, still focused on the older setter. 

“How should I explain it? You know when animals get really determined to do something, and start glaring and pouting at anyone who tries to help them, and they’re grumpy but still really cute? That’s you off court,” Suga ended his explanation by pointing and winking at Tobio, seemingly proud of his conclusion. 

“Huh,” the younger setter muttered, ready to ask for Suga to provide examples or just more information, but the older boy was being pulled away by Daichi, already discussing the training camp schedule 

He understood the explanation, but it felt weird to be compared to an animal. 

“Oi King, check your phone and get Hinata to stop texting him because he can’t get a hold of you,” Tsukshima yelled, frustration written clear on his face by the grimace and scrunched up nose.

Tobio nodded, knowing that nothing good would come if he ignored him, not to mention that he would like Shouyou to still be alive during the camp, and not getting killed the second he stepped through the door. 

**(11:46) TOBIO**

**(11:46) TOOOBIOOOO**

**(11:47) T**

**(11:47) O**

**(11:47) B**

**(11:47) I**

**(11:47) O**

**(11:48) pls answr**

**(11:48) i wanna know if its fun!!!**

**(11:50) TOBio!!!!**

(11:54) they’re really strong

(11:54) every team here is gonna kick your ass

**(11:55) MEAN!!**

(11:55) Kozume-san asked about you or got Kuroo-san to ask for him

**(11:56) well**

**(11:56) since you didnt get with Miya, i’ll be your wingman now!!**

**(11:57) operation get tobio and kenma together**

(11:57) denied

**(11:58) (ꐦ°᷄д°᷅)**

(11:59) just get here soon dumbass

(11:59) its not the same without you

**(12:00) i knew you would miss me!!!**

(12:01) i changed my mind stay away

**(12:01) No takebacks!!**

(12:02) 凸(¬‿¬)

**(12:02) who taught you that!?**

(12:03) wow look at the time, gotta go back to training bye

**(12:03) Tobio!!**

**(12:04) seriously???**

**(12:04) (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly not a lot of focus on flowers this time, I hope the small section about Kindaichi and Kunimi was good, cause I'll be honest, I might have forgotten about them. But we're bringing them back, slowly, because we have the training camp to go through first, and that's gonna be a riot and a half! Ah, while I was nervous introducing and writing so many new characters, it was really fun and I hope you guys enjoy their shenanigans as much as I do. Especially Bokuto, I had fun with him. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked it, and please take care of yourself!!   
> See ya next time!!


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